Young Writers Society

Psh, Tiff, way to spring a poem on me that doesn't deserve criticsm. But, anywhoo, I'll have a stab and see what I can do.

I like the message that this poem sets forth. It's delicate, and I will not touch that, but as far as delivering goes, I would like to see prettier language. By that, I don't mean make it all flowery and stuff, but someone used to tell me that "if you take all of the line breaks and it reads like a story paragraph, you have more work to do."

By this, I mean that a poetic voice is truly an important thing to rely on in poetry writing. Never mind if yours is basic or something, just 'poeticize' your words, use words in new contexts and such forth so that it rings poetically in our minds.

Aaand, I have nothing more to say, other than keep up the great work, and I'd love to see more.

Best of luck!

June

Wow, Tiff! That is all I can say.

That was a very refreshing read, it really was.

I got chills as I read the last word...fantastic. *Gold Star*


Now, write another! ^_^ (Also, I loved the imagery, and how it read.)

Good morning. Your poem was good. It held a certain bitter-sweetness. As the the narrator was healing the other, she was healing herself. Well written.

Now, you asked me to look at this.
I did, read it, loved it, and now you have me stumped.

I must say I'm impressed, your poetry (from what I read) is already just great. But this one is just wonderful and completely impressive. Must say by far your best.

Congrats and write more! I want to see more!

Kamas

Hi OverEasy!

Wow. I really loved this poem. You've weaved a large amount of emotion into the words you crafted here, and it really shows.

your flesh, becoming all but imaginary.

I think this is the poem that you've been wanting to write for all these years. It's lovely.