So many yards away...

So many yards away…

You may think that it’s just life but for me its not.
Every day I wonder why I get up in the morning.
It’s like every force in the universe works against me.
People around me say that their life isn’t fare, on the outside I agree but on the inside I’m screaming at the top of my lungs!
I don’t know how much more I can take. Words wither me and emotions hinder me. Every moment of every day I’m screaming inside… but still I remain here. She keeps me here and she doesn’t even know. Before, every time I looked out down upon a ledge I tried to convince myself not to jump. Before, every time I was alone I had to convince myself not to run for my life. I had to convince myself that things would get better. Now only yards away she sits, oblivious to her mighty deeds in my life. I love her but how can she ever know. How can ever let her in to see who I really am, or maybe in her case “what” I really am. I am every thing she doesn’t won’t but she doesn’t know; at least not yet. If I can not have her then life is not worth living. But she, the one who unknowingly saved it, shouldn’t it belong to her. If she only knew all of the darkness around me and the sins it has caused me to do. If she only knew all of my flaws, would she still sit those many yards away? If she only knew, would I ever see her again? If she only knew, would I be back to where I was before?
I can not erase what I’ve done and seen, so many sights that I wish I could forget. The only question is why. Why is my life the way it is and why won’t it change. Why does she keep me here if I can not have her? Why does she sit so many yards away? With unanswered questions I stay in this world, hopping that some day she will find me and take me out of this hell bestowed unto me.