The pain dumbed down as Trev’s grip on Sammy's hair weakened. She almost fell to her knees once the hand released her locks entirely, and she looked up with shock. A hand larger than Trev’s gripped the wrist that would have hit her, and the skin in that area scrunched up as the boy groaned. Sammy slowly turned her head, following the arm to gaze at the person to which it belonged.
It was the teen from earlier. The one that made her fall off the boulder in the first place. The one who'd locked gazes with her.
“How dare you prey on younger kids,” the teen said. “Shame on you, young man.”
Those very words sent shivers up Sammy's spine, despite them not being directed at her. It was such an odd voice: the ferocity was very present and very real, yet the calmness with which the teen spoke was almost frightening. Sammy’s knees buckled out from underneath her as Trev groaned ever louder.
“Let me go, you bitch!” he screamed.
The teen opened her mouth as if to reply, but one of the other boys came running up behind her, and threw his fist at the back of her head in an instant, the teen tilted her head slightly and caught the first with her free hand. The movement was so smooth it looked like she exerted no effort. The expression on the faces of both boys were ones of anger and bewilderment.
“I was going to let you off with a gentle warning, you know. But, if you won’t learn otherwise…”
Sammy watched with stunned awe as the teen tugged down on Trev’s hand, forcing his face to the ground, while at the same time pulled the other boy from behind and flinging him a good few feet away. The remaining two kids glanced at one another with gaped jaws before running right for the teen. But the latter simply put out her arms and stopped their heads. They attempted to flail and throw their fists at her, but either their arms were too short to reach her face, or she completely ignored them smacking at her arms.
“Sorry for this.”
In less than a second she threw their heads into one another with soft thumps. The girl fell down and the boy stumbled backwards, but evidently both were too dazed to fight back in that moment.
“Just get lost. I’d rather not take this any further than I have to.”
The boys helped Trev up off the ground, after they’d gotten their own bearings. While the other three looked irritated and nervous, Trev’s brows were scrunched and his eyes wide as he wiped the scratches on his face.
“You bitch! That hurt!”
But the teen looked unfazed. “I did apologize, but you did this to yourselves.”
Trev mumbled angrily, as he shoved off his companions who still attempted to help him. But he made no other move on the teen, and so stomped off without another word. The other three followed him before long, and the group headed back to the streets.
Sammy’s eyes followed them for some time. She, too, had her eyes on the kids. But once Sammy had turned, the teen blinked and stared right back at her. The transition was a sudden and extraordinary one. The ferocity and determination from earlier was replaced by gentle eyes and a soft expression. The teen held out her hand, the fingers curled ever so lightly.
“Are you okay, young miss?”
She was so stunned by the display of genuine compassion that Sammy could only stare at the hand held out for her. There was nothing malicious about it, but after what just transpired with Trev and his gang, she wasn’t sure what to think. One of the teen’s fingers twitched, and Sammy finally reciprocated by lifting her own hand, and tentatively accepting the offer. She was pulled to her feet with ease on the teenager’s part, and the former looked away.
“Th….thank you,” she mumbled.
“Of course. I hate people like that. Bullies. Even so I try to remember not to go too hard on them.”
Sammy nodded, though she didn’t know why. “Yeah….but….how did you learn to fight like that? It looked...so easy for you.”
The teenager seemed surprised by the question, and for a moment she raised her brows. “When you’ve been through what I have, you learn a thing or two.”
What does that mean? Sammy thought as she tilted her head to one side. But the teen either did not notice her confusion, or ignored it. Instead, she let out a sigh and looked around for a moment.
“Listen, I’m sorry about what happened, or at least for not getting here a few seconds sooner. So how about I treat you to an early dinner? I assume you’re a bit hungry.”
Sammy’s stomach had grumbled softly not moments before. Still….the offer seemed a bit too good to be true.
“I, I don’t know-”
“It’s alright, I’m not trying anything funny with you. Come on, just a quick and simple meal.”
She held out a hand to Sammy. It was difficult to explain. The way she moved, how she sounded as she spoke, the bluntness of her words….there was something about this person that was off putting.
And yet, her words and hands seemed completely genuine. With only a moment of hesitation, Sammy once again took the hand.
The two walked away from the river, and headed back into the city. They passed people and shops along the sidewalk, but Sammy kept her head down. How many of them had seen her running, or heard the subsequent fighting? Her grip on the teen’s hand tightened just a little, but nothing was said by either of them as they walked, and walked, down blocks and around a few corners.
“Ah, here it is!”
Sammy looked up and right when the teen stopped. It was a little shop. Delightful Deli. The awning was a bright blue, the wood white and clean. The tablecloths bore black and white checkered patterns, while the chairs were wooden and white. Most of the tables were inside, but there were some in an outdoor area in front of the shop. A few of them were empty. Sammy stared up at the teen with a jolt.
“I’ve been to this place a few times,” she said with a smile. “So have my friends. And look! Seat yourselves. There’s a table right out here.”
Without consultation the teen pulled Sammy forward to a table just in front of the deli. They released each other’s hands, and the stranger took up a seat, while Sammy sat in the chair on the opposite side. She turned and noticed there was no glass; she could hear all kinds of conversations happening inside the deli, most of which referred to the single TV screen inside the shop. But none of that was her focus right now.
What is happening? her mind screamed. First this girl makes me fall, then Trev and his gang came after me, then this girl saves me, and now she’s buying me dinner?! She had no idea how to process it all, nor did she know if one could even do that!
“Hey there kids.”
Sammy about jumped in her seat. But a quick glance told her it was only a waitress. Sammy set her hands in her lap and crossed her ankles, embarrassed.
“My name is Rachel and I’ll be your server today. Can I get anything to start?” asked the waitress in a sweet voice.
“Actually, we already know what we want.” As Sammy swung her head to stare in bewilderment, the teen paid little attention to the reaction and instead addressed the waitress. “Two waters, and a lemonade for her. I’m not very hungry right now, but she’ll have the french dip.”
The waitress wrote everything down rather quickly. “And chips or fries with that?”
“She’ll have chips.”
The waitress jotted the rest down in a split second. “Alright, coming right out for you!”
She disappeared back into the deli, and a moment later Sammy turned and stared at the teen. She blinked, her eyes wide and her body half-frozen in place.
“Did….that….did you just…..how-?”
“Don’t question it, trust me.” With that the teen crossed one leg over the other and leaned back in her chair. “You’ll like the lemonade and the sandwich. I assume you have no had either before?”
Sammy needed a moment before she shook her head.
“Well, you’ll love these.”
Both fell silent after that comment. While the teen looked around, watching other people mostly, Sammy’s thoughts swirled about in her head. What was this girl? Why did she help her earlier? And why this dinner? Despite the calm aura of this stranger, Sammy felt there was something more going on. Her mind burned with many questions, but one in particular stood out.
“Why did you look at me?”
The teen’s attention returned to the young girl, and she asked, “Come again?”
Sammy breathed in sharply before continuing. “Earlier. Before Trev and his friends came after me. You looked right at me.”
She’d never felt this way before. Outspoken and wanting answers. But she needed an explanation, and right now seemed like the best time to ask for one. And to her surprise, the eyes looking onto her softened as the teen leaned towards the table.
“Well, you were looking at me.”
Sammy felt certain her cheeks burned red with embarrassment. After a little gulp, she shook her head fiercely. “No! I mean….yes. But I…I watch people. It’s the only interesting thing to do around here.”
It sounded stupid in her head, and even worse out loud. But the teen did not respond with anything more than a simple nod. And then she spoke.
“I like to watch people too, sometimes. Not in a creepy way, of course. But human beings in general are fascinating. Different lives, different experiences…it really is very interesting.”
Sammy was stunned by that revelation. She thought she was the only one around to think anything like that. But it seemed clear this teen understood that interest, and quite well at that.
“You...really think so?” asked Sammy.
“And if I’m not mistaken, you feel the same, yes?”
It’s as though the stranger read her mind. The comment stunned her so much she could only muster a nod in reply. And now, she felt a little more comfortable. She pulled her hands out from her lap and relaxed her shoulders.
Moments later, the waitress brought over two glasses of water and a glass of lemonade.
“And your food should be out shortly,” said the waitress. “Anything else I can get for you?”
The teen shook her head. “No. Thank you.” After a few seconds they were alone again. Neither said a word, but Sammy had so many questions that still roamed around in her mind. Maybe a minute or so passed before she lifted her chin.
“Why did you help me?”
The expression on the teen’s face was one of slight surprise. “Simple. I said I didn’t like bullies. You must remember that?”
But Sammy shook her head. “No, that…it’s not what I mean. Why help me? You know, someone like me……”
“You mean an orphan?”
Her head and gaze jolted upward, and her mouth was slightly gapped as she stared, uncertain as to how she should respond to the surprising revelation. “How did you…?”
“You are not the first I’ve come across, and you undoubtedly will not be the last,” the teen responded. “I could tell immediately. And, to answer your question: should it matter?”
“Should it…matter?”
“Orphan or not, you were just a kid targeted by bullies. Just because people are in different social standings, believe in different things, even live in different countries. It does not mean we cannot look out for one another.”
Her words were simple, short, and rather plain. Yet there was this genuine sincerity with which they were spoken, as if this teenager was wise beyond her years. And suddenly she remembered something said earlier.
When you’ve been through what I have, you learn a thing or two. It seemed vague at the time, but she wondered if this stranger’s earlier words meant more than she thought.
Then she realized.
“Oh, hey, um…”
“Yes?”
Sammy looked away momentarily. “What’s your name?”
For a moment there was no response.
“Since you helped me earlier, and since you’re getting me dinner...I figure I should at least call you something.”
The teen burst out laughing after a couple of seconds. In the same moment, their waitress returned with a tray of food.
“Fair enough, fair enough!” After the waitress departed, the teen back in her chair and grabbed the glass of water but did not yet take a sip. Instead, she continued speaking. “Well, I suppose I should tell you that much. Most everyone refers to me as Kay.”
After a quick smile, the young girl nodded her head. “Sammy.”
“Sammy. That's a nice name.”
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Hello!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
I read the chapter before this but I had nothing to contribute that hadn't already been said in other reviews, so I moved on to this one. And this was such a wonderful continuation of the story. While the previous chapter was more of an introductory one, familiarizing us with the character and the world she lives in; this one takes on the wheel and really moves the story forward. I like the pace in which it was told. You have your descriptions right, and nothing was too much or too less. It was just as it should be.
I love Kay's character. She seems like a strong yet gentle soul, and her mannerisms and way of talking makes one wonder what she has been through, especially because she is a teen herself. You have really introduced her well, while still maintaining the aura of mystery around her. We still want to know more about her.
I wanted to overview Plumes review and I agree on one point. You need to establish a particular setting for the story. The previous chapter made me feel like the story takes place in a dystopian world. However, this one made me doubt that. The way some characters talk, especially when Kay addresses Sammy as "young miss", it made me wonder otherwise. People in this age, don't talk like that, especially kids and teenagers. So maybe you could clear that for the readers.
Now on to some points I noticed!
Add a 'had' after 'that', so that it reads : "The one that 'had' made her fall off the boulder in the first place."
The 'putting' at the end of the sentence is not really necessary, it disrupts the flow somewhat.
I don't think you need to mention the 'hands' here, it does not really match with the context. Hands are hands, they can't seem genuine.
I am a little confused by this sentence and I don't get what you are trying to say. Is the 'and' mistyped here?
Since, it is just Sammy and her, the 'yourselves' should be replaced with 'yourself'. There is no one else there, so the plural form isn't really necessary.
That's all.
This was a really great chapter. I noticed that this was posted a while ago, so I really hope you continue with this story and post soon. I would really like to read on!
Keep writing and have a great day!
Hey there! Thanks so much for the review for this chapter even though you felt you couldn't contribute more for the last one, though knowing you agreed with comments on the previous chapter is certainly helpful to know.
I see you've agreed with Plume's review regarding the time period and general setting, which I do agree with and will think of a way to make that clear or to integrate information into the story. To be clear, this story does take place in the modern era in an alternate world very similar to ours, and while I can understand the confusion at Kay's "young miss" comment, she is generally a more formal character when it comes to conversation. Though I won't go into further detail, I can understand the confusion and oddness of it. I'll be sure to specify the time period prior to that conversation; maybe it's something I'll need to put into the previous chapter...
The other random points you mentioned were also helpful as well, thank you for that. And thank you for the review as well! Hopefully I'll put out the next chapter before long, though since I've been a lot more focused on Awakening lately we shall see!
Hey there! Plume here, with a review! I noticed your work has been in the green room for a bit, so I thought I'd give it a review!
I read your first chapter before I read this one, and they were both really great! I think you've got a really nice premise and I'm so excited to see it shape up into a longer story! I really like your main character and her more unfortunate status in society combined with her hobbies of being a people watcher. You've created a unique environment that perfectly suits your story, and I can't wait to read more!
One thing I loved was your introduction of Kay. She seems like such a great character. I loved your description of her completely decimating Trev and his crew in defense of Sammy. I really hope we get to see more of her in the coming chapters. It seems to me that she might be part of this "legion" thing you've mentioned in the book... maybe she'll recruit Sammy to be a part of it? Nevertheless, I think the way you write Kay (her actions, her dialogue) is all very well written and engaging.
One thing I did wonder was what time period this takes place in. It seems to be in a somewhat alternate world, but it was kind of hard to grasp what exactly the setting was. You mentioned real life cities at one point, so it makes me think it takes place in a version of this world. I think by solidifying the setting, it would decrease the leftover confusion I had that slightly impeded my enjoyment of the piece.
Specifics
I'm not sure this is the correct usage of the phrase "dumbed down." I think it would be better if you said something along the lines of "numbed" or "diminished."
I think that this sentence is a bit of a run-on sentence. You could break it up into two or three. Also, you wrote "first" where you meant to say "fist," I believe.
Another tiny typo here: "no" should be "not."
Overall: great job! You do a really nice job of making your characters very vivid, and your scenes are very engaging and an absolute delight to read. I hope to read more of this story soon! Until next time!
Thanks so much for the feedback! Every little bit of constructive criticism always helps, beyond just the typos and grammar corrections.
Your comment on the time period was indeed a good point. I probably should make it more clear that this story does take place in the modern era (2010s basically). Not sure how I'll do that yet but I'll be able figure out something. Anyhow, thanks for pointing that out to me, and have a great rest of your day!