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Awakening Book 2 Chapter 1: Shocking

by Otterpop


Blake spun around completely and jumped back with a jolt. Both hands clutched the scythe as he held it up in a defensive position. He didn't know if he would fight, or run...he couldn't think straight with all the panic that suddenly flooded his thoughts.

All he knew was that she could see the scythe. Somehow.

Standing maybe twenty yards away on the sidewalk, she did not look much older than him. Fourteen, fifteen maybe? Her face and body did not appear tense at all. And her hair. Was it dyed a very bright blue?

The girl smiled, then chuckled. Blake took another step back, remembering Puter and how unfazed he seemed during so many of their interactions. He could feel it: this girl was just as dangerous as Puter was.

"Wow, you are super jumpy, aren't you?" she finally asked.

Blake took in a sharp breath of air but did not respond. He spread his legs a little, preparing for a potential fight.

"You should be a little careful though." As the girl laughed, she pointed off to the side with her thumb. "If you keep looking like you're gonna beat me up, those regular folk might think you're weird."

Confused, Blake looked over towards where she indicated, to the town's only hospital. A nurse and a few patients walked along the grass just outside the building's perimeter; they chatted quietly while also looking around. Blake relaxed his arms and legs a little in an effort to appear more inconspicuous, and faced the girl again.

She stood barely a few feet in front of him.

Blake's heart pounded fiercely as she leaned forward, prompting him to unconsciously take a half-step back. With two fingers she ran the tips across the top portion of the scythe's blade, whilst Blake remained frozen in fear. She pulled her fingers away from the blade with an utterly calm expression on her face.

"So someone else can use a scythe," she mused in a soft voice. "Crazy that we've never heard of you."

Puter said similar things. They know each other! Blake gripped the weapon every tighter and lifted his shoulder with extra tension. Strange enough, the girl backed away in a slow and calm fashion as she threw her hands behind her back.

"Oh, relax, kid! This place is just a little too public for me to do anything. At  least now I know where all the crazy energy was coming from!"

Did she mean him? Whatever the case she didn't seem to try any kinds of tricks or manipulations. Though just because she said she wouldn't do anything, he still did not trust her.

"Anyways, thanks for making yourself obvious!" With the biggest and gentlest grin, she waved at him, and turned around to leave. "I would watch your back, though," she called as she walked off. "You'll definitely see me again, probably the rest soon enough." Without another word she skipped down the sidewalk, and gave no indication she would turn around again.

Before long her figure became nothing but a blip on the horizon. Once that happened Blake at last dropped his guard, and the scythe. The blade clanged against the concrete a few times but the harsh sounds felt so muffled in his ears. He was still too shocked by what transpired.

She saw it. She...knows who I am. Or, what I am. This is bad. This is really bad.

Memories of his fight with Puter flashed through his thoughts. Scenes of the recent sickness overcoming the townsfolk repeated themselves over and over in his head. And now this girl...if she was just as dangerous as Puter was, he and his town weren't safe.

I have to tell somebody about this. Blake suddenly reached down and picked up the scythe, then walked towards the hospital with a brisk pace. He ignored the soreness in his legs and the ache in his abdomen. His wounds from the recent battle atop the hospital roof has already healed quickly, and right now he had bigger concerns than some tenderness in his body.

The hospital's front entrance was the closest, and wide open for current patients. A couple of receptionists simply looked at him, and allowed him inside without a peep of objection. He made his way through some of the halls with the scythe held tightly in one of his hands behind his back. But no one said a word or batted an eye.

Once he reached the elevator he had to wait for it to arrive, and so he looked around. Some of the hallways still bore damage and cracks from the recent "earthquake" that hit the building and surrounding area. The hospital would certainly need some repairs, but for now it remained operational to aid the hundreds of patients with their recoveries.

Blake stepped in along with a few others once the elevator doors opened, and waited until he arrived on the fourth floor. Even if barely a minute passed on the ride up, it felt like a nerve-wracking waiting game with his heart fluttering more and more with every passing second. When he finally arrived he walked quickly towards his destination.

After a few more seconds and turns he made his way around one last corner and opened a sliding glass door-

"Oh! Blake. Hi, honey."

"Miss Douglas, I need you to breathe, not talk."

A nurse had a stethoscope on the back of his mother as the latter said up in bed. Alisha initially looked surprised to see him burst in like that but did comply with the nurse's orders, and breathed.

After a few more breaths the nurse stepped back.

"I'm hearing some rough cracking but it has improved greatly in the last few days. It's good that you are now breathing on your own with relative stability."

Blake still remembered it. Seeing his mother in the hospital a few days ago for the first time was a shocking sight that still made him shiver. She had hardly been able to move or stay conscious for long, and a number of tubes had filled her mouth and nose. For a time, it looked as though she were on her deathbed, a visual which had terrified him for a time.

Now she sat up with ease, and could stand and breathe by herself without too much difficulty, and had even began wearing normal clothes again. She appeared pale, and a little thin as well especially in her face and fingers...but she had looked that way for a long time now.

"Alright Miss Douglas," said the nurse at last. "I know we talked about discharging you tomorrow, but we may have to move that up to today."

Alisha's eyes widened for a brief moment, but Blake was the one who objected. "Wait, what? Shouldn't she stay a little longer?"

The nurse answered, but not before letting out a gentle sigh. "Given her medical history, that would make sense. But she didn't get sick like the rest of our patients. She has stabilized well in the last thirty-six hours, a little better than expected I would add. But we have many other people recovering from the recent illness that are more in need of a bed and aid."

He could not object to the nurse's explanation, much as he wanted to. He wished his mother could stay here another day, just to make sure she really was alright, but if her condition had improved as much as the nurse said, and if other patients needed beds for treatment and recovery...he didn't want to argue if the necessity was there.

"Blake."

At the sound of his name he broke out of his trance and looked right into Alisha's eyes. They were soft, gentle. Despite the bags underneath them and the bordering thin cheeks, she carried a little smile on her face. When she spoke there was a reassurance in her voice.

"I know you're worried, honey. But I'll be okay, which means we will be okay."

The fact that she said it with such confidence surprised him. Blake couldn't tell if she used a mask or not, but he would not question her right now.

"How are we gonna get home?" he asked. "Since your car's still there."

A thoughtful expression crossed Alisha's face for a few seconds, then her gaze lifted upwards. "Let me try calling Chris; wasn't June supposed to be discharged today?"

"Tomorrow," he corrected.

"Ah. Well."

Slowly, as though in required a lot of effort, Alisha stood and walked over to some of her belongings on a nearby chair, fiddling through her purse until she pulled out a phone. After a couple of inputs she held the device up to her ear, and waited.

"Hello, Chris? It's Alisha. I was...yes, I'm doing fine. Yes, Blake is fine also. June...?"

Alisha looked at Blake with a quizzical expression, to which he simply nodded in response.

"...Blake says she is doing well also. No, her discharge is still scheduled tomorrow from what I hear. I'm actually calling because, and I hate to be a bother, would you be able to give Blake and I a ride home? My car is still at the house. But if I need to call someone else I ca-"

She stopped mid-sentence; Blake tried to read her face but could not get an idea of what happened on the other end.

"Oh! Of course, no problem at all. You don't need to worry, we can wait. We'll see you in twenty minutes then. Yes. Yes, see you then. Bye."

After hanging up the phone, she breathed out and looked at a curious Blake. "He'll drive us home today. But first he wants to see if he can get June discharged a day early."

"Right. Okay."

He looked away the same moment the nurse gathered up her equipment and left the room, sliding the glass door closed behind her. A silence befell the room, broken only by the gentle ticking of a wall clock and an occasional shuffling as Alisha gathered and organized her belongings.

"Blake?"

She said his name so quietly he almost didn't hear it. "Hmm?"

"I didn't want to pry with other company in the room," Alisha said, pausing for a moment. "But when you first walked in you looked a little...I don't know if it's the right word, but maybe alarmed? Is everything okay?"

Her concerned gaze bore into him, and his immediately remembered his encounter with the mysterious girl, which subsequently led to his recollection of his run-ins with Puter. It was all very sensitive information to share, though, and as much as he wanted to unload his worries onto his mother he couldn't. Now now anyway.

"Maybe...maybe we can talk about it when we get home?"

Without hesitation, Alisha nodded, though Blake could not relax. Something was happening, something he hadn't experienced in a while. A slight chill traveled up his spine, but it didn't bring a shiver with it like usual. He knew it meant a spirit was nearby, possibly one that needed his help. He looked around the room, then over at the hallway. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. And yet, he still felt an unusual chill. What's more, something about this particular tingle felt oddly familiar.

The more he looked around, the more the sensation faded, until he was all but gone in seconds. Blake kept his eyes trained on the outside, waiting, wondering if that familiar sensation would show up again.


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Sun Feb 26, 2023 11:39 pm
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yoshi wrote a review...



Hey there otterpop! I'm yosh and I will be your second review for this work! I hope I don't repeat too much of what Lim said, but other than that, let's get started!

Blake spun around completely and jumped back with a jolt. Both hands clutched the scythe as he held it up in a defensive position. He didn't know if he would fight, or run...he couldn't think straight with all the panic that suddenly flooded his thoughts.

All he knew was that she could see the scythe. Somehow.


This is unrelated, but I immediately thought of the Scythe series when I saw this.

Anyways, so, the reader is bombarded with a lot of information here. First, Blake wields a scythe. Is he some kind of warrior? Assassin? Perhaps just a lone fighter or ronin-type man? Second, he's fighting someone, and he seems to be kind of . . . scared? Normally, if I was holding a big honking scythe, I'd be pretty relaxed, cause, well . . . it's a scythe. It looks like Blake is going through his fight or flight response, but hopefully he'll choose fight because a c t i o n.

Third, Blake mentions that the person he's fighting can see his scythe somehow. as if one normally can't see it? This poses a very interesting idea to the reader. Now, Blake is not just a dude with a scythe. Now he's a SUPERNATURAL dude with a scythe.

Standing maybe twenty yards away on the sidewalk, she did not look much older than him. Fourteen, fifteen maybe? Her face and body did not appear tense at all. And her hair. Was it dyed a very bright blue?


Female lead incoming! It's setting off all the flags!

Also, is it normal for a fourteen/fifteen year old to be walking around with a scythe? Or for that matter, fighting someone with a scythe?

"Oh, relax, kid! This place is just a little too public for me to do anything. At least now I know where all the crazy energy was coming from!"


What exactly does she mean by 'too public' to 'do anything'? WHAT EXACTLY WAS SHE PLANNING TO DO??

"Anyways, thanks for making yourself obvious!" With the biggest and gentlest grin, she waved at him, and turned around to leave. "I would watch your back, though," she called as she walked off. "You'll definitely see me again, probably the rest soon enough." Without another word she skipped down the sidewalk, and gave no indication she would turn around again.


Now here is the first part I'm a little in disagreement with. She left very abruptly. I would recommend drawing out the conversation longer, maybe having her do something of importance, or even have her join him on whatever he's doing. But have her stay a little longer, because she appears for such a short time and it's a very strange for a character to appear at the very beginning of the very first chapter of a novel and just disappear like that.

Of course, it's unclear whether she's an antagonist or not (And Blake CLEARLY thinks she is . . .) but whether she is or not doesn't really change much. In my opinion, quick in-and-out characters should appear a little more towards the middle of a story.

The nurse answered, but not before letting out a gentle sigh. "Given her medical history, that would make sense. But she didn't get sick like the rest of our patients. She has stabilized well in the last thirty-six hours, a little better than expected I would add. But we have many other people recovering from the recent illness that are more in need of a bed and aid."


Personally, I don't think the nurse should be saying this out loud . . . in front of the patient . . . but that's just a minor thing. Of course, I think it would be much more dramatic if she calls Blake out privately to tell him about this.

He knew it meant a spirit was nearby, possibly one that needed his help. He looked around the room, then over at the hallway. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. And yet, he still felt an unusual chill. What's more, something about this particular tingle felt oddly familiar.

The more he looked around, the more the sensation faded, until he was all but gone in seconds. Blake kept his eyes trained on the outside, waiting, wondering if that familiar sensation would show up again.


Nice cliffhanger! I'm all in favor of good cliffhangers like this one! Well written cliffhangers entice the reader but won't piss them off during the middle of an event.

Also, after finishing the chapter, it seems like Blake is some kind of scythe-wielding hero? Very interesting, but if I'm going to be honest, Blake is a little too much on the timid/jumpy side to be this kind of character, but I'm all for character contrast, development, and fighting cliches.:)

Great job!

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to review this work!

-yosh




Otterpop says...


Hey there, yosh! Thanks so much for the review!

You definitely make a lot of good points, though a lot of it can be explained by the events of the first installment, as this story takes place immediately after its predecessor (including information on the scythe and a more in-depth look on Blake's personality/history/capabilities), so that's why there's a slight information dump but still lacking some context.

That said you do also make a good point about the sudden introduction, and sudden departure, of this unnamed female character; I could potentially extend that conversation a little.

I'm not completely sure how I feel about the nurse saying what she did about and towards Blake's mother, but somewhat catastrophic events, and considering it's just Blake and his mother, and given the fact that it's a smaller town they live in could explain why the nurse said what she did in front of both Blake and Alisha. But again, that's hard to wrap my head around at the moment as to how I feel about that.

Hope that explains some of the feedback and issues you mentioned! Thanks again for the review!



yoshi says...


Np! I did notice that this was the second installment, but I'd still suggest that even a book 2 needs some sort of extra explanation to remind the readers what happened.



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Fri Jan 20, 2023 10:31 am
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Liminality wrote a review...



Heya Otterpop! It’s great to follow this novel series again :D

General Impressions

This was a tense opening! The blue-haired girl has this mysterious and threatening aura. From the last book I think I hadn’t expected her to be an antagonist, but here she looks like she might be shaping up to be one. As I said, she seems mysterious though, so maybe that’s not all there is about her. I could definitely feel Blake’s dread at the thought that the girl is in cohorts with Puter, especially since the town is still clearly in the aftermath of the disease. I thought it was cool that Alisha is so perceptive here, and it was nice seeing her character again.

Plot

I really appreciate the continuity from the previous book. I feel launched right back into the story reading this first chapter. Most of the major characters from book one have been mentioned or made an appearance here, and plot threads like the source/nature of Blake’s powers, the group of people like Puter and also the spirits’ problems are introduced. The pacing was also fast enough to keep the chapter interesting but not too fast – I could absorb each plot point as it arrived.

I wonder who the familiar spirit will turn out to be. I know there were a few significant spirits in book one, though I don’t think any of them were given a name.

Descriptions and Details

I like how the character descriptions build up the girl as an intimidating character.

Blake's heart pounded fiercely as she leaned forward, prompting him to unconsciously take a half-step back. With two fingers she ran the tips across the top portion of the scythe's blade, whilst Blake remained frozen in fear. She pulled her fingers away from the blade with an utterly calm expression on her face.

Getting into someone’s personal space is a classic ‘villain’ move, especially in action shows I think. And then her touching the scythe in a way that could easily cut her finger but not really reacting to it also shows she’s kind of desensitized, maybe? Or like she sees Blake’s weapon as a trifling matter, which makes her intimidating.

And her hair. Was it dyed a very bright blue?

As a side note, I wonder if Blake doesn’t encounter many people with hair dyed bright colours where he lives. Is that why this bit makes him sound surprised? The short sentence “And her hair.” followed by the rhetorical question kind of gives that impression to me, anyhow.

Blake couldn't tell if she used a mask or not, but he would not question her right now.

This line puzzled me for a bit until I figured out that “mask” is probably meant metaphorically here? So Blake is wondering if Alisha is trying to put on a brave face? I wonder if “used” is the best word here, since it could be confused with a literal hospital mask given the setting.

I did like the detail about the hospital being kind of eager to discharge patients who are mostly stable. It helps establish that the town is still suffering from what Puter did in the last book.

"I didn't want to pry with other company in the room," Alisha said, pausing for a moment. "But when you first walked in you looked a little...I don't know if it's the right word, but maybe alarmed? Is everything okay?"

I love that Alisha notices when something is wrong here. The hesitance and long-windedness makes her come across as being very thoughtful, if a bit timid. Makes me kind of hopeful that Blake will have more help by his side in this book, in contrast to the last book where he mostly tried to do things on his own, which often left him in trouble.

Overall

I thought this was a well-structured first chapter! I didn’t catch anything that sticks out or much that could be added without changing the style and tone of the story, I think. (Like one thing I was thinking to suggest was maybe more vibrant sensory description of the surroundings, but the last book was kind of not the most description-heavy outside of a few key scenes, and that kind of sets a certain ‘realistic’ tone to it, so I thought I’d just leave this as a ‘footnote’.) I’m eager to see how Alisha and Blake will deal with the new threat that seems to be coming.

Hope this helps – let me know if you’d like more feedback on something specific!
-Lim





Powerful men have a way of avoiding consequences.
— Dr. Harrison Wells, The Flash