The Limit of Love <Chapter 2>

Driving back from work, I watched the buildings and people flash by my car window without the slightest hint of acknowledgment. It had been a long day and I was sitting here with a sore throat and a bad fever. Still have to work though, bills don't get paid with me just sitting at home. Not with her gone anyway.

Andrew... you got to let this go man. It's killing you...

Yeah, thinking this to myself all day and all night isn't about to change the fact I'm still thinking about her. I parked the car in its usual spot on the side of the road across from my house. I don't think its all that big on the outside. In fact, it looked kind of small walking up the cement trail leading to my front door. Walking right in I threw myself onto the floor. I hadn't locked the door since she left, actually, I don't remember ever locking the door. Better start trying to remember that.

I used my foot to close it and low crawled my way to the couch where I tried to prop myself up. Failing miserably, I only got my chest up on the cushions before I gave up. Yeah, I was being overly dramatic about how tired I was. But it kept me thinking about doing what I was doing instead of other things.

A knock on my door brought me out of my laziness and forced me to get up. No one knocks on my door. At least, not unless they were a delivery guy. California, you'd think you would have people knocking on your door all the time. Not me though, just have the door, and the delivery guy.

"Andrew, right?" said a brown haired woman with a peppy voice. She was our next door neighbor, "I was wondering, if you and May wanted to come dancing with me and my husband later? Get you out of the house a bit."

It was a really nice gesture, and something I didn't expect so I probably looked like a big shamble of idiot standing there sick as a dog. "I'm not feeling to good, tomorrow maybe?" I said with a croaking tone of what was left of my voice.

"Oh, well maybe your wife would want to join me for a girls night later?" she asked quietly, looking behind me like she was going to see her come up any moment now. She wasn't, and it hurt a little bit.

"She's not here anymore, we're divorced." I said quietly, standing there sniffling and trying not to cough.

That struck a cord with her, and she patted me on the shoulder, "Sorry sweetie, things get better." she said simply and walked away.

It's crazy thinking that a person could ever get over this kind of pain. I knew she didn't mean to, but she brought it all back up. Closing the door I walked back to the couch, throwing myself on it. A hand came up to my eyes like a shield against the tears to come. A long sigh, and another memory.

I was sitting on the ledge of the school house courtyard. I was wearing a suit slightly to big for me, and my mom had decided to slick my hair back completely with gel. Something I hated, but what are you going to do at fourteen? A mom wants to make you look like a bad impression of a mafia member and you just say ok.

But I remember sitting there, and watched as all the other kids drove up and skipped off to the dance that was happening that day. The end of the eighth grade dance was something me and May and looked forward to. Time ticked away, and I remember sitting there with my two best friends until their dates showed up. I sat out there alone looking at all the parked empty cars for a long moment before I decided that she got to scared to come down. It was normal, in the six months we had been together so far, she was a very shy person. So I didn't find it surprising.

So I started walking towards the entrance to the dance room with my hands in my pockets. I didn't think I'd dance with her. So when a van pulled up halfway between the gate I didn't actually look at it at first. Something always keeps your heart holding out though, and so I turned around.

Standing there in a red silk dress with her mom, the first time I had ever seen her with make up on, and her hair trailing down her back like I loved it. I don't know how I didn't smile like a big fool when I saw her standing there smiling like there was any way I couldn't think she was absolutely perfect. You know that look, the one a girl gives when she doesn't know what you think. I don't know why they do that.

I held her hand the way we decided to hold hands. With my index finger wrapped around the inside of her pinkie. It was our thing, and we loved it because it made us different, and we were so different. Walking into the dance room, I saw about half the guys and their dates look at her. That was an amazing feeling, seeing her just light up because she knew what they were looking at. What was even better was that my friend Jose didn't say anything to me, just smiled and gave me a thumbs up. That was some inner fourteen year old man pride there. It stayed the rest of the night, well until I think nine at night or so. Which in fact was pretty late for us both, and we danced all night long. Seeing her smile in my mind now, that smile that held all the hopes and dreams I wanted to make come true. I cried a bit, despite my hand being there to block out the tears.

How could I have let something like that slip away? I thought to myself almost angrily.

Seven years of love and this is what I make it end up to be. I don't dance anymore, I don't walk around with anyone. I go to work, and sit here with a sore throat and a fever that's driving me insane. Back only a few weeks ago she would have been in the kitchen making me a bowl of soup. I'm so exhausted I can't find the energy to even do that. Well, now I'm crying again, so much for being strong for the both of us.

I wish you would just come back home...