You're screaming
The echoes tell your story
The ground is still
Your body shakes
The heart beats loudly
Only you can hear its rhythm.
You thinks it's over, yet it's just beginning.
▪■▪■▪
The eyes tire,
Not capable of sleep.
Your head hits the pillow,
No use in counting sheep.
This isn't you,
It's not healthy.
Your tears shed in streams,
You know you're not happy.
Gripping the pillow,
Memories flood through.
Your cries are dim,
This just kills you.
Fearful of your noise,
Thinking of this dreadful mess.
Holding your breath,
Smothering yourself with stress.
Music pours,
The ears filled with love.
Heart filled with pain,
Staring at the ceiling above.
Wheels spinning,
The mind breaks.
No more questions,
No more aches.
The tune ends,
Silence takes place.
Eyes finally closing,
Such peace across your face.
▪■▪■▪
The pain,
It doesn't last.
The heart will heal,
But it won't be fast.
Have hope,
Life isn't forever.
Smile always,
We're all together.
Loneliness,
Is only a view.
Family and friends,
Love you.
Are you still hurting?
I can't heal you,
I'm sorry.
Only you can heal you.
Life gets messy,
Without belief.
If you don't try,
There won't be any relief.
There will always be help,
There will always be might.
You are not weak,
You haven't lost this fight.
Live,
Cry.
Fall,
Rise.
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141,368 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
I love this poem. You did a very good job. I like how you described the things people feel when life isn't going so great for them. The inspirational part of the poem at the end made it soo much better. I like how you only used rhymes at certain parts of the poem. I do have a suggestion for you though, what if you combined the last four lines. Have live and cry together as one line and have fall and rise together for the last line. Just a suggestion, you don't have to use it if you don't want to. I think it would still be great if you don't. Great job with this and keep up the great work!!
No, no you're fine! I'm just taking in healthy criticism, and every bit of hit helps. I may change the last lines do to the attractiveness in what 'Tay01' had suggested, but over all thank your for your review!
This is quite a realistic poem relating to the truth. However, there are a few things just a little off. You have been quite good with the rhyming and the rhythm. The last part was quite touching, but a few slips were made.
Live, Cry. Fall, Rise. Now that was a bit weird. The rest of the poem were quite long, but this part was just a sudden stop. I recommend giving a little length to it, with the touching feeling that you gave.
Live with all your might,
Cry with all your sadness,
Fall without the heart,
But rise and try again first.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Oh wow. This is good! I love how you use rhymes, but sparingly. I also love how short and simple the lines are, especially towards the end. I think that having shorter lines gives each individual word more meaning, something you've definitely taken advantage of. I think that overall it's a little long (you could've cut out some of the middle stuff; you touched on a lot of different things towards the middle but didn't elaborate, so I think either you should elaborate on specific ideas or cut them out). But other than that, I think this is a good poem!
Thank you dearly, I did ramble a bit more than I should have. I wrote this poem in a very tough spot of my life. I didn't elaborate too much in the middle, to leave some mystery and possibilities, not wanting to ruin the beauty with too many details. Thank you for your input, it helps make me a better writer!