What must it be like
to be able to fly away?
To be able to go
when you don't want to stay?
What must it be like
to never follow any rules?
To break all the laws
and act like a fool?
What must it be like
to be able to walk around,
without people staring
you to the ground?
What must it be like
to be able to ignore?
To heed no one
forevermore?
What must it be like
to follow your heart
and stop your world
from falling apart?
What must it be like
to do whatever you want?
Without the constant murmur
of people saying you can't?
What must it be like
to laugh when you please
to sing when you feel like it
and forever be free?
What must it be like
to live in a world
where people didn't fight
and hearts weren't so cold?
It must be great
It must be grand
to do what you wish
and always know you can.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I like the idea that inspired this poem, but I think the rhyming needs some help. It was obvious you were making an effort to rhyme at the beginning, but half way through you seemed to just stop it completely. You should certainly go one way or the other, with either free verse or rhyming poetry. In the area where I could tell you were trying to rhyme there was a plural rhyming problem with rules and fool. You just don't get the feel of a rhyme if one word is plural and the other isn't. The last four stanzas didn't rhyme at all, so I'm just not sure what you were trying to do.
The idea was very nice, though. This poem just needs a little work, and that's only my opinion!
Nice idea, although I think it lacks power. The rhyming is okay, but sometimes it gets a little forced. It definitely flows well. It's probably nice as it is, but if you wanted something stronger and more effective I would take on a more complex rhyme scheme that isn't so predictable and change some of the cliches - things like "hearts werent so cold." You could turn this into something unique and effective if you wanted.
Okay, over all it is good, i like it. But
What must it be like
to do whatever you want?
Without the constant murmur
of people telling you, you can't?
This here chould use a little work it doesn't seem to flow with the rest. Other than that, nice job.