Hey Openyourmind,

I'm just going through the green room and noticed this was blank. Let me know if you wish for me to lock or delete it.

Thanks,
Audy

Hi there OpenYourMind and welcome to YWS!

First some small things. I'm not sure if this was supposed to be a paragraph or not. The submitter tends to screw that up so see if you can edit it. Also, while I generally dislike ellipses in poetry, if you're going to use them, use the standard three dots.

Now on to the piece itself. Being in love with your best friend is a common topic because a lot of people experience it. Unfortunately, that means they all tend to sound the same. There's nothing new here. In fact, I'm positive I've seen that last line on a sparkly gif somewhere. Scrap it.

To improve this, I suggest starting over. What makes this person and your relationship stand out? Write about a specific moment--how you met, that time he saved your cat from a tree, that day you got too close and he smelled really good, whatever. Use specific images. Try to go beyond physical--show me the surroundings and use other senses. Right now, this is fairly bland, so you have to bring the reader something more unique.

I know this sounds harsh, but I think the story behind this could be a lot more interesting. Stick around the site and you'll get lots of opportunities to improve your writing. Welcome again to YWS and keep writing!