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You Fool

by OneMageArmy


Who are you? Why have you bestowed such cruelty upon us? What did we do to be cursed with you?

I have lived many years, hearing stupid thing after stupid thing, and yet here you stand. You stand before me like any other moron. You spoke with utterly revolting confidence, like those before you. You put minimal thought in your words, spoke with snark, and held yourself as high as every idiot does, and yet the thing you have said was so stupid, that it has broken my brain with a power the universe has never seen before nor since.

My brain has broken so hard, that the noise of it has been heard around the entire world, reminiscent of Krakatoa itself. Your ignorance and stupidity have only been dreamt in man’s darkest nightmares. Your senseless logic has struck my soul with such power we only knew in the words of prophets. The idiocy of your actions scorch my brain, and in turn, my now immeasurably agonized body.

It is you. You are the one in history they warned us about. They warned us about people like you. You are the end times of which the Bible spoke of. You will undo this world and everyone in it.

I can barely think without tremendous effort in the face of what you said, but I can feel as strongly as ever. I can feel the boiling rage in my throat, fighting with despair for dominance. But most importantly, I can feel fear. I can feel it chill me down to my cells. I can feel it wrap my body in a sickly suit. But it doesn’t last, for what you said is so dumb, that the universe itself will collapse, starting with me.

God is not afraid of sinners. He is not afraid of demons, or His children. But I say with absolute certainty, that He is afraid of you. Each night He will lay awake in His bed with eldritch fear as long as you exist. You alone have brought the end times with nothing but your incompetent, degenerate thoughts. You alone have destroyed Earth with nothing but your mad words, and I pray with the few fragments of my crumbling existence, that those in Heaven are safe from you, and that those in Hell know that they have not suffered the worst fate.

As my thoughts rapidly come to a fiery end, I use the last of my life to imagine you, punished not by any god or afterlife, but punished by yourself. As I envision this fate for you, I imagine a smile on my face, for men like you are destined to punish yourselves even if you win. You will do nothing but undo yourself as you have undone me for all of eternity and beyond.

If I must go like this, then I will go with this comfort alone.


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Sun Oct 03, 2021 12:56 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi OneMageArmy,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

This came across very unexpectedly when I read the title and yet I sat here until the end to see where this short story would go. One can detect a clear anger in the narrative tone that runs through from the first line to the end, like a thread. It seems in places like a letter you have written, with some exaggeration or other stylistic devices to somehow explain this anger in words. This, for example, was quite powerful:

My brain has broken so hard, that the noise of it has been heard around the entire world, reminiscent of Krakatoa itself.

The statement itself shows a strong exaggeration and yet it is very meaningful. Even though I believe that the volcanic eruption was "only" heard as far away as Australia, this also clearly shows what is going on in the head.

There is something almost manic about the "speech" you present here, and it also exudes this superiority, as if you were angry not only at someone else, but at many others. I wonder what motivated you to write this story. Because that's also a little bit of my ulterior motive, which I still have here now; what is the message that you want to express to us here. You keep it very simple and don't go into details at all, so it's hard to interpret the piece in a proper way.

That's why it's hard to find a real point of criticism, because there are just too few clues for me to find anything going on. The language is kept radical and simple, which makes for a good reading comprehension, but when it goes to the next level, there is definitely a lot more background information missing, as this text is either an expression of a small evil or something world-worsening.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




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Sat Oct 02, 2021 3:12 am
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EvaR14 wrote a review...



I think you've done a really good job of conveying the emotions you wanted to in this short story - you can feel the anger + hatred coming from the words

Personally, I'm not usually a fan of very dramatic language/ stories (though that might not show in what I've previously written), but I enjoyed how the language you used was so expansive, relating to God, demons, the universe, destruction, etc. I like how you repeatedly refer to religious concepts like "prophets", "Heaven", "Hell", and the Bible - it adds an interesting aspect to the story

My favourite quote from this piece is probably "men like you are destined to punish yourselves even if you win", but "God is not afraid of sinners. He is not afraid of demons, or His children. But I say with absolute certainty, that He is afraid of you." is definitely a close second. I like the idea of someone being punished by themselves - and that punishment being maybe even worse than hell

It's not necessary - but it'd be interesting to see the context of this/ what exactly the speaker/narrator is angry about, and what led up to this moment. However, I do think that as a portrayal of anger and hatred caused by someone else's actions, this piece was really effective even on it's own

Overall I enjoyed reading this and I think you did a great job, thanks for sharing and keep writing :)




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Fri Oct 01, 2021 8:57 pm
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CotardDelusionz wrote a review...



This is one of the best thing I've read on this site. Personally I loved this. I'm not really writer or smart enough to critique or give constructive criticism, so I hope someone can do so in my place, but to me I don't see anything wrong with this. To me this so accurate that it's humorous, because how much I felt this piece when I encounter someone who is arrogant. This could be put in the humor category if it wasn't actually truly so deep and maybe even depressing, once we're aware of the dangers of fools.




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Tue Sep 28, 2021 5:57 am
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: So this made for an interesting read here. Not the sort of story I was expecting given this title, but I'm pleasantly surprised by what I did manage to find right here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Who are you? Why have you bestowed such cruelty upon us? What did we do to be cursed with you?

I have lived many years, hearing stupid thing after stupid thing, and yet here you stand. You stand before me like any other moron. You spoke with utterly revolting confidence, like those before you. You put minimal thought in your words, spoke with snark, and held yourself as high as every idiot does, and yet the thing you have said was so stupid, that it has broken my brain with a power the universe has never seen before nor since.


Well, this is a powerful opening here. It looks like some person that has been wronged quite a few times in life and is now properly laying into whoever is responsible for the whole thing. There's a proper rant going on here to start off with and I sense a little bit of exaggeration there with this person declaring that this person said something so stupid that it broke the other person's rain. That adds an unusual extra touch of humor here and on the whole this start does a great job of catching your attention.

My brain has broken so hard, that the noise of it has been heard around the entire world, reminiscent of Krakatoa itself. Your ignorance and stupidity have only been dreamt in man’s darkest nightmares. Your senseless logic has struck my soul with such power we only knew in the words of prophets. The idiocy of your actions scorch my brain, and in turn, my now immeasurably agonized body.

It is you. You are the one in history they warned us about. They warned us about people like you. You are the end times of which the Bible spoke of. You will undo this world and everyone in it.


Hmm, this is making for a really interesting mix here. With the kind of title this has, this sounds like perhaps this is some kind of simple argument where one person said something silly, but this other person is making it all sound much more complicated and blowing things up into some properly epic sounding proportions, but there's also that feeling that perhaps this is all true...which creates a really interesting effect on the story.

I can barely think without tremendous effort in the face of what you said, but I can feel as strongly as ever. I can feel the boiling rage in my throat, fighting with despair for dominance. But most importantly, I can feel fear. I can feel it chill me down to my cells. I can feel it wrap my body in a sickly suit. But it doesn’t last, for what you said is so dumb, that the universe itself will collapse, starting with me.


Hmm....this is slowly descending into slightly ranty territory by this point while becoming just a little bit repetitive...I still can't figure out whether this is all a bit of a joke like the title seems to imply or if this is a serious deconstruction on the dangers of stupidity.

God is not afraid of sinners. He is not afraid of demons, or His children. But I say with absolute certainty, that He is afraid of you. Each night He will lay awake in His bed with eldritch fear as long as you exist. You alone have brought the end times with nothing but your incompetent, degenerate thoughts. You alone have destroyed Earth with nothing but your mad words, and I pray with the few fragments of my crumbling existence, that those in Heaven are safe from you, and that those in Hell know that they have not suffered the worst fate.


Welll...this does seem to swing the whole thing a bit more in favor of the reality. This part especially goes into some rather powerful imagery of the destructive capabilities of this other person here...and it just seems to have been something that spread to more than just the one world.

As my thoughts rapidly come to a fiery end, I use the last of my life to imagine you, punished not by any god or afterlife, but punished by yourself. As I envision this fate for you, I imagine a smile on my face, for men like you are destined to punish yourselves even if you win. You will do nothing but undo yourself as you have undone me for all of eternity and beyond.

If I must go like this, then I will go with this comfort alone.


Okay...so that sounds like some sort of dying wish there...and now I still find myself a bit conflicted as to which direction this is going on. So I really don't know if I should be laughing as hard as I am at the moment or feeling sympathetic here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, this was an interesting one. On one hand, you paint a very detailed picture of destruction on a truly massive scale that you'd normally be very worried about, but something about the tone or maybe just cause of the title, I got the feeling this was meant to be an overreaction by someone to a much simpler thing and so I found myself laughing wayy too much. Well...yeah, I think that's all I have to say on this piece. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Mon Sep 27, 2021 9:08 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Wow! This relates to how every person on Earth might feel.Someone’s blind ignorance to tragedy and terror is the real threat in this world.Just saying whatever can change the world forever.You gave a very detailed description on how agonized this person,the narrator,feels about having to hear someone rambling on and on foolishly,without even knowing what they are talking about.Good Job on the story and I hope you have a good day/night!





The universe will reward you for taking risks on its behalf.
— Shakti Gawain