Heya Omnaya!
Here for the review, AT LAST! Let's get started...
The large tent swayed against the buffering winds and sand, and sheltered the hardened men from the blistering sun outside.
So you know my style, otherwise, I would apologize for ripping into your v first paragraph xD
But basically I view the first chapter as one of the most important parts of a novel. People flipping through stories in the book store or library will be skimming the first chapter to see if they want to bring the book home with them. And beyond even the first chapter, I think the first paragraph, and especially the first sentence is super important. I'm not saying I'm an expert in this by any means, but I always try to work really hard with the first sentence.
This first sentence has a LOT of adjectives that make it really kind of clunky to read. We've got a large tent, buffeting winds (not buffering lol), the hardened men, and the blistering sun. It's too much, in my opinion. I'd suggest either splitting this into two sentences that you flesh out a bit more or work on removing some of the adjectives to make it flow better. Make sure the first sentence sets a mood for your chapter.
His dark purple eyes gestured
How do you gesture with your eyes? I feel like you mean more like him nodding or gesturing with his chin or something. I can't really envision gesturing at something with your eyes.
Sykkou's eyes swirled like a cloud, purple and cloudy gray twirling around each other. "It is the time of the Shifting Sands, so locating our neighbor tribes will be more difficult than normal."
"Yes, yes, this is expected. We are not meeting right now to determine whether the sun will grace us with its presence tomorrow." Rage entered the leader's voice. "You know what we are here for! We all know what we are here for."
It is not clear to me who is saying each of these things. At first, I thought it Sykkou saying the first thing, but it's in the same paragraph as the grisly man speaking so I thought maybe not. But then I thought maybe Sykkou IS the leader, but that doesn't seem to be the case from the next paragraph. So... idk, if this is Sykkou talking, you should definitely put it in its own paragraph so that that's clearer.
~ ~ ~
Wow! Lots of things happening in this chapter!
I'm always a fan of opening with action. It is a compelling hook, and I certainly am curious to know what happens after this! The main critique I have of this chapter is it has too much lore for a first chapter. I know that that's your thing lol but you've got a lot of complicated names going on, you've got vague plans and political intrigue, you've got supernatural aspects -- it's a lot to keep track of, and I think it's a bit too much.
I honestly am not really sure whose side I'm supposed to be on right now, so it's kind of hard to sympathize with either of them. Like obviously Ryko seems terrible based on what he did to Sykkou -- but also if Sykkou was deliberately trying to deceive his allies, then also not a great dude? And I don't have enough background to know what's going on.
Also, Sykkou reminds me of Suduko xD
But good chapter! I'm looking forward to reading the next one!
Keep writing and happy RevMo!
~Shady
Also, I am featuring entries from the Banner Contest in all of my RevMo reviews, so please enjoy this banner by the fantabulous @alliyah (but know that I in no way endorse the chicken-ry and am #classified 4ever)
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