Hell found me.
No matter how great the distance was, it still found me.
It seemed that each time it located me; it manifested itself in new ways. Once it embodied itself as unholy nightmares. The other time it got more powerful and took an almost human form.
When I sensed its presence, I feared the worst. As I think of it now, I wonder what could be worse than Hell. Hell, a creation of God that its sole purpose is the annihilation of those who have sinned.
Nothing is worst than knowing what shall happen to you till the day you perish. For about 20 years I have lived in this horrendous routine of escape, survival, and capture. To me the cycle seemed to be endless and of course inescapable.
Something inside of me, the part that craved freedom, wanted me to bring the cycle to an end. However the more rational part knew that there was no escape from Hell. Even though I knew Hell was indestructible, every fiber in my body longed for freedom.
Freedom.
A sigh of yearning escapes me as I utter the very word. It is the word that brought tyrants to their knees, and made heroes out of peasants. Freedom is certainly the strongest motive that would drive anyone to do the unthinkable. With all this in mind, I set out to destroy what had haunted me my entire life. I set out to destroy Hell.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
OMAR! *Tackles* You're writing! Yay! Okay. Okay. I'm reviewing now, if you do not mind.
Alright, so....I like the idea you have here. Very, very good plot. Though, I suggest a prologue. That way, the reader'll know what's happened before - or why this is happening, right? Yes. Right.
Okay, second- I got kind of confused with the structure. Maybe seperate the chapter into paragraphs? like this for example~
Like that? Yes. That looks much better.
~Katie <3
I like what your getting at here. I just have a few suggestions.
First paragraph.
Your using "it" at least once in each sentence, making it seem redundant, almost as if you were just writing a list of all the things Hell had done instead of telling us how it had tormented you. I didn't change this a whole lot but it seems to flow better to me.
Hell found me.
Every time time it located me; it had manifested itself in new ways. Once embodying itself as unholy nightmares. Another time becoming so powerful that it almost took on a human form.
Paragraph three
'worst' should be 'worse'.
"To me the cycle seemed to be endless and of course inescapable."
I feel like you could do without "of course" in the previous sentence.
Paragraph four. I tweaked it slightly.
Even though i knew Hell was indestructible, every fiber of my being longed for freedom. I wanted to bring this cycle to an end. But the more rational part of me knew, that there was no escape from Hell.
And i love the last paragraph. The only thing i would change is the third sentence.
Freedom is the certainly the strongest motivation and would drive anyone to do the unthinkable.
You have a good thing here. I hope to read more. :]