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18+ Mature Content

That Girl You Call Slut

by OliviaWhoWrites


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for mature content.

Ruby red lipstick coats her lips

In time with the music she swings her hips

She flashes some skin, reduces the price on her drink

With a body like that she don't gotta think

The club is steamy and the night is young

Soon she'll find herself choking on some young man's tongue

It's nothing new to her, in fact she expects it

She's been labeled a whore she got to accept it

Her breasts got too big when she was too small

Girls who develop too fast are problems for all

Obviously asking for it with something they can't control

The date rape drug slipped in a punch bowl

Traumatic experiences line her past

A poor girl who was forced to grow up too fast

Trusting got her nowhere, the lying only hurt

So she emptied out her feelings, threw her heart into the dirt

If only the world had been kinder, she'd be shining like a star

Instead she's just another vapid soul, screwing the tender at the bar


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53 Reviews


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Reviews: 53

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Tue Aug 27, 2013 12:04 am
lyricalrebel says...



Hi there! Lyrical Rebel here to review your work. :)
This is a very powerful poem, reflecting the reality of other girls' life. It is somewhat dark and morbid but that's what makes it beautiful and unique. It's not just a story of one girl but the life of many others changed by the chaotic and forceful world. Girls like that aren't just affected by the worsening world but also by the decisions of their parents. A lot of them skips childhood quickly so as to face the hardships of life earlier than they should. When a girl grows up like that, her ways would be to hide in a mask of rigidity or to have the opportunity to stand out and learn to live the fun way which they had not the time for. Those things that drifted them from the righteous path are their escape from the pain of reality. Am I right? Hehe
All in all, the rhyming was perfect, the narration was awesome and the whole concept was astounding. You've captured my lyrical self :) I can't think of a better adjective to describe your piece of work. You did an awesome job! I love your poem! I hope to read more of your work later.




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53 Reviews


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Reviews: 53

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Tue Aug 27, 2013 12:03 am
lyricalrebel wrote a review...



Hi there! Lyrical Rebel here to review your work. :)
This is a very powerful poem, reflecting the reality of other girls' life. It is somewhat dark and morbid but that's what makes it beautiful and unique. It's not just a story of one girl but the life of many others changed by the chaotic and forceful world. Girls like that aren't just affected by the worsening world but also by the decisions of their parents. A lot of them skips childhood quickly so as to face the hardships of life earlier than they should. When a girl grows up like that, her ways would be to hide in a mask of rigidity or to have the opportunity to stand out and learn to live the fun way which they had not the time for. Those things that drifted them from the righteous path are their escape from the pain of reality. Am I right? Hehe
All in all, the rhyming was perfect, the narration was awesome and the whole concept was astounding. You've captured my lyrical self :) I can't think of a better adjective to describe your piece of work. You did an awesome job! I love your poem! I hope to read more of your work later.




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Sat Aug 03, 2013 8:23 pm
Spotswood wrote a review...



This was a very good poem...very sad too. I honestly was not expecting the ending to turn out like that. It was a surprising turn that she had something bad happen to her in that pass. This poem is also good because it shows how labels, while seemingly valid, describe a person who is a certain way, even if they may not be acting that way intentionally. There is something more, usually, to a person if she seems like a whore like, in this case, a traumatizing experience.

My only suggestion would to make the poem flow a little more. It seems rather choppy and the lines do not seem to be equall to one another in terms of lyrical flow. But then again, me saying that probably only stems from the fact that, when I write poetry, I do lyrical ballads. Still, this was an incredibly deep and frightening poem. Keep up the good work.

It almost made me wonder if, perhaps, some of this stems from personal, forehand experience with either you or a friend. Labels, indeed, do hurt. There is usually something more to a person, which affects the way he or she behaves.




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Sun Jul 28, 2013 2:33 pm
EmoChikXoX wrote a review...



Hello, I'm EmoChikXoX! :)

Well I got to say.. this is a rather good poem. It's very, very straight forward.. which is a good thing. I like how you have gone through this girls life in small snippets, it makes the poem more intriguing. It gives you little glimpses of her true life and not this "whore" that stand there. (I don't know if any of that made any sense xD)

It's also quite hard to write a poem about this topic, so I would like to congratulate you on doing a pretty good job on it. Your poem was enlightening in a way.. I think that it shows you, what I take as bullying, can do to an innocent person.

I think your a great writer/poet! Keep posting! :)

And again, well done! :D

~EmoChikXoX




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Sun Jul 21, 2013 9:57 am
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claiiirrre says...



I really like this, it reads like a song, although;

// "Trusting got her nowhere, the lying only hurt
So she emptied out her feelings, threw her heart into the dirt."

Isn't as strong as the rest of the poem. You could have put;

// "Trusting was no use to her, foul play upon her heart
So she emptied out her feelings, for being soulless is an art."

That's just my opinion but I hope I have helped :)






Damn that is a fantastic line! Is it ok if I use it?



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Sun Jul 21, 2013 9:23 am
Legibletext wrote a review...



Brilliant. The rhyming is so clever, and sexy. This poem really speaks the truth, because no girl is just a slut because she is a slut. There is always a reason.

The last line was a tight conclusion to the poem, I loved it. Good work.

Favorite line; "Soon she'll find herself choking on some young man's tongue"

it was just a smart line.




reason says...


No girl is a "slut" because there is nothing shameful about enjoying sex regardless of gender.



Legibletext says...


Yeah I agree with you, did not intend to make it appear completely shameful, I just thought it would make the character funnier. Sorry if I offended you.



reason says...


What is with "completely shameful"? Let me reiterate, there is /nothing/ shameful about enjoying sex regardless of gender.



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54 Reviews


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Sat Jul 20, 2013 6:49 am
housecat says...



This was very lyrical! I actually read it like a rap in my head. I think if you played with the placement of the stanzas, you could have a nice style going. The rhymes were all good too, they weren't distracting or forced.

Now about the story line. I think you did nice incorporating imagery and tone. One thing that caught my attention was this:

'Traumatic experiences line her past'.

I think you should elaborate on this. The only reason is because I still don't feel much emotion towards this girl. if the readers get to know her better, they may be more responsive towards the piece.

I really liked this. keep writing and have a good evening!




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Sat Jul 20, 2013 5:39 am
dark wrote a review...



Now is is the definition of the common behavior in America. (I'm just going off of accurate information here.)
Anyway, this poem is the absolute truth. The title matches the content. The rhyme isn't overused, missused, or neglected. This poem is a masterpiece all on its own, and it truly shows your knowledge out in the field of the world. Perfect. That's the only word that can accurately discribe your poem.
As for what needs improvement:
Punctuation. The poem is fine without it, but it's not grammatically correct to write a poem without it. That's seems to be all. Everything else seems to be fine, in fact, I'm sure it is perfect.
Keep up the good work.
~The dark one.




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Sat Jul 20, 2013 3:44 am
veeren says...



I loved that last line so much for some reason.




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Sat Jul 20, 2013 3:02 am
arianaSarroyo says...



YWS botches up the formatting sometimes....there isn't really much you can do about that.




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Sat Jul 20, 2013 3:01 am
arianaSarroyo wrote a review...



Whoa. This is haunting, yet innovative and beautiful. It leaves you with feelings of remorse for the girl that everyone treated wrong. Also, the rhyme scheme was realistic and fit the plot. I really liked all of the lines. I was expecting something a bit different-perhaps longer. But I was satisfied with what I read. I liked how you explained the girl's scenario all without being to blatant or too vague. The lines about her emptying out her feelings and the first and last line were my favorite. I don't know why this has no reviews! I certainly like it.

To close, I must say you deserve two thumbs up for this. Well done.




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Fri Jul 19, 2013 11:08 pm
OliviaWhoWrites says...



This was divided into stanzas, but for some reason, whenever I submit it the site erases them.





My culinary streak is in everything that I write.
— LadyBird