“Do you remember this?” he said, looking into the little girl’s almond eyes. Captain Magnar had retold this story over and over again, but each time he felt fresh disappointment when she didn’t remember. She just stared up into his face and listened just as intently as she had the first time and every time after that.
It was a true story. The story of how he had rescued her from a certain, miserable life only three years ago.
“You were just two years old when I first saw you,” he began. “You had the most beautiful, red curls! That’s what I first noticed about you.”
Magnar left out the part where he had taken note of her skin barely clinging onto her bones and the deep, dark rings under her green eyes. She was so hungry, tired but not unloved.
“You’re Mother and Father were just about to sell you to Governor Trent. They wanted you to be brought up to be a scullery maid at the Governor’s house. They only wanted a better life for you. Better than the life they could have provided for you, anyway. They loved you enough to try to give you a warm bed, good food and, ultimately, a chance of life.
“However, Uncle Mag here knew something that they didn’t. Governor Trent was a cruel, merciless man. He didn’t treat his staff well. He would whip them, beat them into being a soulless army he could command at his whim.
“For some reason, I couldn’t let that happen to you. Not you. Not someone so young.”
She smiled up at him then, melting his heart in that way only she could.
“I stepped in and offered more money than your parent’s could have ever wished for. They were skeptical at first. Of course they were!” He chuckled, making the girl giggle too as she bounced up and down on his knee. “A big burly pirate coming out of the gloom, offering to take their daughter of their hands! Who wouldn’t think the idea was absolutely ludicrous?”
After the little girl stopped giggling, Magnar looked at her seriously. “In the end, your parents knew they couldn’t refuse that type of money and they handed you over. They told you that they loved you, that they would miss you and they blessed you with all the luck in the world,” he said, touching her on the tip of her nose making it wrinkle.
“From that day on, you have been under my care and I haven’t let a single scratch graze your skin.” True, his men had taken some time getting used to a female being on board the ship, even if she was a tiny version, but they wouldn’t dare speak against their captain’s word.
The crew had since embraced her as one of their own and looked after her just as he had done. He watched with joy as she joined in their dancing, rope climbing and even knife throwing! What a handful she would grow up to be!
The only thing he longed for was for this little girl to speak.
“You’re still yet to utter one word but I have confidence in you my little red bird. Nothing is impossible for you.”
She threw her arms around his neck and cuddled in close. Tears streamed down Captain Magnar’s face as she whispered, so quietly he might have missed it,
“I love you, Uncle Mag.”
“And I you, my little Joni. And I you.”
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
Hey! Happy Review Day! Any corrections will be in bold!
Great start! Just elaborate more.
This is a nice story, it explains how a little girl gets a second chance at life. I love it. Keeping on reading...
Short but sweet. I loved the idea a lot. I just wish you could describe their looks, how they talk and how the girl feels. Like more elaboration.
Re-read and edit your work, it helps a lot. I wanna read more form you! I loved this so much!
- Nike
*Your
That said, you should add more information to this chapter. It's one thing feeding the reader-dogs tasty morsels, a few bites at a time, but another is giving them a whiff of the cut, leaving them to wonder if what they are smelling is veal or chicken. There are so many questions that arise and are left unanswered, I'm rather unsatisfied.
Why would a pirate take in a useless little girl? She's just one more mouth to feed, and you can't even rape her when you feel like it. Actually, you can, but I'm apparently being led to believe this particular pirate wouldn't. Which leaves me utterly bewildered as to why he would take her in the first place. Little children are not a commodity when you're dueling on the high seas, plundering villages or otherwise committing nefarious murders, and that's pretty much what a pirate thrives on, right? Think of the terrible education this man is going to give the child. And you know, the crippling diseases/rats that will happily gnaw your toes off. Pirate ships are not usually a kid-friendly environment, and pirates themselves are usually not moved by acts of kindness or altruism. You're going to have quite a lot of explaining to do here.
You also don't mention anything about space-time coordinates. Where are they? When? I actually don't even know if they're on a ship or not, that's how bland and devoid of anything this chapter is. These are, believe it or not, important and relevant questions when first reading a chapter. You might actually want to consider them.
Hope this helped
-Ita
You have a very interesting idea here. Normally, one would think of pirates to be cut-throat and wicked, yet this one seems kind and loving. Normally, would have trashed this idea because of it being so... out there, yet you gave it a good warmth to it. All I see is a heart warming story-to-be. Keep it up!