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E - Everyone


by OldManJenkins

The color grey surrounds me while I drift aimlessly through an empty void

I search for an end to this infinite, dreary abyss, yet no end appears

Fortunately, during my despair, two paths apear

On on the right, darker than night

One on the left, brighter than any star in the galaxy. I take the left.

I walk the path. Trees form along the road, more beautiful than the lushest forest

I walk the path. Above me, clouds manifest, dancing through a gorgeous, blue sky

I walk the path. Vibrant colors splash forward from everywhere as birds whizz by me. 

I walk the path. I can practically feel of the atmosphere crawl into my nostrils

I stare ahead, still trotting down the trail. No end.

I notice that there are heavy winds, pushing me back, howling agressively

Yet with clearness of mind, I shrug it off, pushing forward into the glorious unknown

I forever walk the colorful path, basking in this peculiar world's charm.

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1011 Reviews

Points: 120715
Reviews: 1011

Thu Oct 01, 2020 4:37 am
alliyah wrote a review...

Hey there Jenkins!

I realize this poem was posted a long time ago but I had half a review saved, so decided to write the other half and post it! So here you go:

I'm always a fan of a good color poem, so I'm biased in favor of this from the beginning.

Now let's take a look at the content;

I interpreted this poem to be about finding beauty in the ordinary and pressing on when the path forward seems difficult or blocked. There was kind of a sense of awe in the different celestial and nature imagery and I think the last line summed up the thoughts of the poem well with the line, "I forever walk the colorful path; basking in this peculiar world's charm". I think one could even take some spiritual meaning from that - of a contentedness in viewing the creation / existence / universe.

I don't think the meaning is clearly given in the poem, but there are rather a lot of options readers could go from interpreting it. In fact another idea I had for the poem's meaning was the idea of "grayness" of not comitting to one thing or the other. I don't think that the end of the poem necessarally supports that interpretation, but there was a sense that the speaker kind of was wandering aimlessly as they were unable to really get anywhere.

Another thought I had is that the poem could be a play on Robert Frost's "the road not taken" in which case I think the poem ought to just straight out reference it in the title or an author's note so that people catch the allusion.

Poetic Devices
You use a lot of weather imagery, so that the weather and environment actually becomes the antagonist of the piece. This is a good way to add action. I liked some of your imaginative phrasing like "lushest forest" rather than "luscious forest" and "clouds manifest" - one phrase I thought didn't work was "atmosphere crawl into my nostrils" for some reason that nose crawling felt a little icky compared to the rest of the elegant/earthy imagery being used.

To bring this poem to the next level you might think about honing in on one or two pieces of that nature imagery and making that the central motif - right now I felt like you may have had too many strings between wind / path / galaxy / path, reducing your images will be able to let you expand you depictions and hone in on their specific imagery even more I think! Or maybe you could work on connecting the existing ones a bit more.

The repetition of "I walk the path" for me was a bit much and also felt a little clunky with the way the poem was formatted. I think if it didn't always fall at the front of the line a little repetition would have been more effective rather than redundant. You might consider breaking up the lines a bit more so that the reader feels like they have a bigger break between reading "i walk the path / I walk the path / I walk the path" over and over again. It does give a sense of monotony to the piece but that's a hard one to sell as an enjoyable reading experience for sure.


Adding more line breaks would also help the flow of the piece. But overall I found your capitalization / punctuation to be pretty consistent.

This was an interesting piece certainly, I had a tough time interpreting it and would love to hear your intended meaning, but you've got some great little phrasing pieces in here and I hope you post another poem soon! :)

Keep writing! I look forward to reading your next piece.


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Points: 200
Reviews: 0

Mon Nov 12, 2018 6:39 pm
RJN says...

This is really something that people can relate to, or at least I can. Being trapped inside one's head is something that has been attempted to be described, but very few have succeeded. This has to be one of the best literary pieces I have ever read. Thank you!

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Points: 151
Reviews: 2

Mon Nov 12, 2018 1:29 am
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MusesOfATimeLady wrote a review...

Hello! It's been a while since I've written a good review but let's try this out again, shall we?

The first few lines are really cool, and show the reader the choices that someone has when trapped in their own head. You can either succumb to darkness, or try using your imagination, which could take you away on a strange and mystical journey. Then, as you continue down that road, you start to see things-- things only created by the deepest depths of imagination, that show the reader what it's like to really explore that side of yourself.

I interpreted the "heavy winds" to be anxiety or something weighing the speaker down. In the beginning of the poem, we can see that the speaker is already trapped in their own mind, "...while I drift aimlessly through an empty void/...yet no end appears", and the winds could be why they're trapped there. However, a good imagination will help you overcome those fears and you can finally move on from them-- "Yet with clearness of mind, I shrug it off, pushing forward into the glorious unknown"-- which is a very powerful line, by the way (kudos!)

The only thing I would suggest changing is removing "of" from the line "I can practically feel of the atmosphere crawl into my nostrils" because it really throws off the rhythm.

But otherwise, this was an epic and relatable poem!

Keep writing!

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24 Reviews

Points: 2047
Reviews: 24

Sun Nov 11, 2018 4:10 pm
RowenaLynn wrote a review...

Hey! Thanks again for reviewing my work... Ok. So. I don't think that I have much to say about what to fix in this... I loved the repetition with the "I walk the path". I think it helps the reader really realize that it is a poem and just... I don't know if I really have a great reason I just liked that. :)

Punctuation is good as you wrote it, no changes needed that I can see.

I also LOVED the word choice and the tone of the poem. Also the "I can practically feel of the atmosphere crawl into my nostrils" sounds cool and weird... (When I say weird it is good.)
I think that the 'of' can be taken out when I read it closer.

Ok. I think that it's really cool. The path theme kind of reminds me of The Road Not Taken (Not like in a plagiarism way at all because it's really not like it , just like in a good way. And honestly that might be a shallow observation because. they. are. both. about. paths. Ahhhh. *facepalm*)

Keep writing and I'll try to keep up with reviewing your work! 8)

See ya!

Thanks! I appreciate the review!

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562 Reviews

Points: 14535
Reviews: 562

Sun Nov 11, 2018 7:48 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hi Shikora here.

I really liked reading this poem. It was really well written. The words mixed together really well, making it an easy read. This poem felt so true in a funny way. How we all don't no what our path is like.

I did see two things I would like to point out.

The color grey surrounds me while I drift aimlessly through an empty void

I think a comma should be in between me and while in this sentence. TO pick out thing like this. Read aloud your work to yourself. Where ever you stop to take a breath, or think it's a good place to stop is were the comma should go.
The other this I would like to point out is that you say
I walk the path
A lot is this poem. I think it would be better if you don't say it so much, or you can reword it. It's up to you.

Okay so that's all the things I could see here. I really liked reading this poem, and I hope you make more soon. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.

Your friend
Shikora. :D

If you run now, you will be running the rest of your life.
— Reborn