Published March 28, 2007
Small Brown House on
Triangle junction
What business have you here?
Big Black door on
Front of Brown House
What secrets do you obscure?
Trimmed, short willows
Arms held in false praise
Wearily guard your walls.
Black iron rails,
Spears sharp and raised,
Keep master safe in his halls.
Stumpy chimney,
Marred with dark soot,
But no smoke here cuts the air.
Small Brown House on
Triangle junction
What business have I here?
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141,258 Literary Works • 674,331 Reviews
Yeah, I like this...
I get the sense of someone or something lonely, something alone in it's mysteriousness.
'Stumpy chimney,
Marred with dark soot,
But no smoke here cuts the air.'
There was a good use of adjectives that made me feel the house, rather than just see it. It was well described and I'm given a good picture of what was in your head when you wrote it. Nice.
Very nice.
The short line are extremely effective and the way that they run onto each other even more so.
I like the way that you made "small brown house", "Small Brown House" - it makes the house like a person.
I really liked this line, I don't know why exactly. Maybe it's the way that you use the two colours.
The poem, in general, creates a lovely picture of the house. I wish I could see the Small Brown House.
Excellent work Ofour.
Thank you everyone for the replies. To miya: I stumbled upon this house a few weeks ago on a walk and it´s appearance struck me as very original, so I wrote this poem.
I like... its very nice poem you paint a clear picture of the house for me...small brown house with a black door and black spear like rails outside, it sits on a triangle junction and trimmed short willows.
My favourite line in it was...
"Stumpy chimney,
Marred with dark soot,
But no smoke here cuts the air."
firstly because i think the word marred is a very discriptive word and is not nearly used enough.
Also i really like the image you give me in the way you phrase the stumpy chimney with no smoke coming out.....
"no smoke here cuts the air"
I think more poetry should have this type of imagary.
Keep up the good work
Ooo, I love this poem. Very simple, short, and great meaning. My favorite part is:
Trimmed, short willows
Arms held in false praise
Wearily guard your walls.
Black iron rails,
Spears sharp and raised,
Keep master safe in his halls.
*Great description and mental image
Keep it up!
~Rieda
Oh i like this, its somewhat mysterious, i especially love this:
Stumpy chimney,
Marred with dark soot,
But no smoke here cuts the air.
Is thius about a house that you have come acorss or is it something made up?
miyaviloves