I can't review, I have been hit by an attack of the feels
Mother, I have one question for you: Are you proud of me?
I can't believe that it's possible; I don't see how that could ever be
Whenever I recall past events I just want to curl up and cry
You witnessed it all and never commented once; not one tear did you help dry
Chorus
So stop putting on an act, stop making out
That you'll be watching over me until the very end
If you can't quite understand, then maybe I'll just shout
"Please don't pretend!"
Don't pretend anymore
I have another question for you: Why weren't you ever there?
When I needed you the most you just stood back and looked on without a care
Sometimes I wonder if there's any point in talking to you ever again
Because all you do is fake your concern when I'm in absolute pain
Chorus
A guardian angel is not what you are
You were never perfect when you were alive
Why did I think you would be in the afterlife?
My skin is what you love to make me scar
The knife slits when I least expect it
I don't think you're near satisfied yet
Please, I beg of you, leave me alone
Please, I beg of you, leave me alone
Chorus
Hi OMGhamsterdweeb, Felistia here with a short review on your poem.
I will start with the good and work to the bad. First I love your rhyming scheme, it is very smooth and I didn't even notice it until the second read. It helped the poem slid along like an ice skater on an ice rink. So well done.
Now for the bad. In my opinion there should be a full stop at the end of a poem and yours didn't have one. Other than that there is now bad. Keep writing and I hope to see more of your work soon. Have a great day\night.
my lyrics never tend to use full stops, so I never use them.
Hello Hamster >.< I am here to review your lyric stuff ^_^
I can tell that this is a song from the heart, because you are referring to a deceased member (here, it's your mother) and are actually wondering about if they actually are looking over you like they said they would before they passed on. It's a topic I haven't yet seen being dealt with (as far as I know, anyway), and find that this is a very unique choice of topic!
The lyrics are on point! You use questions to show your doubt, and also some form of accusations to show your kind of... anger and frustration at everything.
I find the Middle 8 (I think that's what it's called) is really powerful. You're basically blaming this person for everything bad that's happened, saying that they "were never perfect" when they were alive and walking, and that the person loves to make you "scar" yourself via self harm... because them dying and leaving you alone has caused all of this.
Your rhyming is really good also!
I quite like how, in the last lines of the chorus, you repeat the words "don't pretend" to try and get your message across to this deceased person, because you feel they are deceiving you, even though they are dead and gone.
Beautifully written lyrics! ^_^ Keep writing bro!
Huggles from Born Loser ^-^
120,216 Literary Works • 649,141 Reviews
Points: 83
Reviews: 18
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