Death defying

Great story. Exciting and scary.

Hey there,

Thanks for that comment, i realized after i posted it that there were problems with it, but that's what you get for writing it at midnight right? I have already changed it on my laptop and will edit the piece in a few days hopefully when i finish my research assignment.

Thanks for the comments

Hi! This is a good piece, quite inventive and origional however there are a few things that need to be checked, mostly grammar!

Firstly, you start in first person then move the third person then every so often flip back to first person. You need to make your mind up here as you can't have both! Most if the text seems to be third person and the story line seems to move nicely like this so I would suggest you stick to third person. however you feel most comfortable though.

Also, you change a few times from past tense to present tense and back, again this doesn't work. One or the other!!

Apart from those grammatical mistakes the body of the text is postitive, it would make a good chapter in a longer novel certainly. You'll probably need to claify the events leading up to this point though if you want the story to have a greater impact but getting some of her emotions through here would really lift the story.

All in all a good start though, don't give up!!!

Hi there,
I enjoyed this piece, it was quite imaginative. Your writing could be made a little more dramatic and could have more impact if the sentences were a little more short and sharp. That's just my opinion. If that's not your style go with what you're comforatble with. Thanks