Hello darkness my old friend,
Tis 'bout time I see again
With your stars in the night
Give thee shivers of dark fright
Hello darkness my old friend,
Tis 'bout time I see again
The last of the lyrics fluttered out of the mother’s lips as she set her son down on the steps of a large house in Nighthaven. She knew this family, she’d been watching them for a while. They were a wealthy couple with a child of their own. She hoped against hope they would take good care of her child. She was crying as she tucked the blanket tightly around the small little body. His big blue eyes stared up at her as if to ask; Mommy where are you going? She tucked a chunk of hair behind his ear and kissed his forehead. He was no more than five years of age, far too young to be on his own. The moon was bright and the stars shone like jewels against the ebony sky. There was a sound of footsteps and she lifted her head. A couple out for a midnight stroll walked around the bend and the mother, poor and worn, rushed off into the darkness, never once looking back on the forgotten child.
Hello darkness my old friend
Give me life one time again
With fire of light and red of rose
Sing thy song, attain a close
Hello darkness my old friend
Give me life one time again
A red haired elf perched on the railing of her bedroom's overlook. The lights of the city shone with an eerie glow and the trees rustled in the slight breeze that blew past. She could see her family in the court, arguing, arguing. The noise was loud, it wouldn't stop. She kept repeating those lyrics to try and fall asleep. Her sister had taught them to her yet they were not helping. It wasn't the same without her. The elf tilted her face towards the sky. She breathed in and closed her eyes. Oh how she longed to be free. Free of her responsibility and free of her strife. Free of the palace, free of her family. Free... free... free…
Hello darkness my old friend
Thine spirits call me to my end
With auspice of fortune and power of spell
Let thee sojourn to my wishing well
Hello darkness my old friend
Thine spirits call me to my end
There was shouting, screaming. A little girl, no more than eight was being dragged along by a young woman dressed in a white nightgown. There was fire everywhere and people and animals were running about all over the place. "Hurry, child, hurry!" The woman was yelling at her. The little girl was crying, although she could not remember why. Her home was in flames, the only place she knew in ruin. Suddenly, the woman reeled to a halt and stepped back, wrapping protective arms around the little girl. Two demons, the shape of people, were approaching with fiery anger in their eyes. They backed the woman and the girl into a corner, sandwiched between a well and a wall. "You did this! You made this war a reality!" One of them was shouting at the woman as she was sobbing, her tears wetting the girl’s face and dripping on her nightgown. The demon’s hand lit with two white hot balls of energy and the next thing the girl knew, she was blasted backwards and into the well. She hit the water with a splash and watched as the hot light faded away to black.
Hello darkness my old friend
The falcon calls order to send
With turtle doves and sparrows all
The owls let out their soft call
Hello darkness my old friend
The falcon calls order to send.
A young mage sat on a cliff and breathed in the fresh mountain air. Being alone was what was best for him. His little house was constantly getting better and changing. The mage spread his wings and leapt, letting the wind take him wherever it desired. Flying over the mountain ranges in the dead of night, over the villages where other mages sold what they could for a little bit of food. His region was a poor and small one with a corrupt government and heavy prices for even the smallest meal. The moon shone as he glided, flying free with no bounds. Soaring, swooping, diving, up and over mountains. He stopped at the tallest peak, towering above all else. The snow crunched under his feet when he landed but he could care less. The young mage took out his flute and started to play. A haunting melody that carried over the wind onto the clouds and echoing through the valley. This was his song, his place, his life.
Hello darkness my old friend
When shall I see thee again?
Thy fire and glow dawn will shine
And what was lost will soon be mine
Hello darkness my old friend
When shall I see thee again?
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
First of all, great prologue, though it switches between things rather fast..
Instead of repeating the fact that she has red hair and only switching one word out to create a different sentence beginning, perhaps try to point out something else about her, or instead, give the elf a name! Repetition like this doesn't read well and sticks out like a sore thumb to somebody viewing it, as the words are so specific. Add a little more detail, or give us some insight as to what she's wearing! I would really like to see some more characterization here.
One other thing about this paragraph is the insane amount of very short sentences. Vary the length of your sentences to create a more interesting read, or else the viewer can get very bored, very fast!
When introducing dialogue, even in a memory or a flashback, make sure to put your quotation marks around the words that are being spoken, or it can become a confusing mess. If it's a thought, italicize the words.
One last thing you want to look out for is the overuse of a word. In this particular instance, it's his/he. Much of the paragraph in inundated with male pronouns, so it gets extremely repetitive. Just keep an eye on it!
I really like the idea behind it, make sure to tag me in future uploads!
Hey there old friend, I absolutely love this!!
This opens us up to four very different characters in four quite different situations. The first three are memorable because of the troubles they are facing and it makes the reader want to know more about not only why these things are happening, but also what is going to happen next.
The setting for each character is very important, and you have made every word count here as it gives tiny details as to their situations.
Introducing so much information at once would normally overwhelm a reader, but you have separated it in such a way that we can easily tell the four characters apart.
One thing I would warn you of is although much information is given here, some might be missed by the reader as it seems small and easy to miss with so many big things happening and so you should make sure to support it all and re-state some of it, to keep the reader from becoming confused.
The song is a great way to connect the characters and make it not just sudden jumps, great job. It also is a great song and seems to have lots of meaning behind it.
I can't wait to read more of this and will be contemplating it for awhile, so much to process, it's top notch amazing.
Sláinte -Junel