Winter comes,
bringing snow and all,
marking the end,
of the season's fall.
A site to see,
white and wintry,
encasing all,
of natures beauty.
We are fooled at first,
and hate the cold,
but little known,
it renews the old.
And so it must,
come to pass,
enjoy it all,
while it does last.
The chilly frost,
brings us close,
huddle up,
build the warmth.
Speaking of,
make a fire,
gather round,
we'll never tire.
The sun is gone,
the moon now reigns,
sharing stories,
of better days.
The fire dims,
to sleep we fall,
till morning comes,
to wake us all.
Winter's gone,
of cold we tire,
now we miss,
that one last fire.
Cherish your days,
every last one,
for soon autumn will end,
and again,
winter shall come.
:Kevin Hoggard
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137,563 Literary Works • 672,044 Reviews
I love this poem, it is truly awesome!
Oh yeah, by the way, I am SecreteJournalist.. but feel free to call me Brie! I am reviewing for the Green Lanterns today.. happy review day to you, and welcome to YWS!
What I don't see, is stanzas. But I can understand if that's just the computer.
I don't see anything generally wrong with this, so great job! I am quiet fond of winter for the soul fact that I was born in the winter. The imagery is pretty and true, and Its like I am watching a video behind your eyes. Truly amazing!
The rhyme scheme was great, and its pretty hard to wing it, so you are doing such a great job!
I will have to say, keep writing, I will keep reading, I have enjoyed this poem immensely!
~Sincerely
SecreteJournalist
AKA
Brie
Wow! This is such an amazing piece! It almost makes me want to enjoy the long Michigan winter.. but not entirely hahah.
I love the imagery you create. It truly forms a story and makes me see and feel what you are saying. That makes reading your poem so much more enjoyable.
The rhyme scheme is also very good. It took me a few lines to understand it, that might've just been my fault too, but after that I really enjoyed it. It flowed and created a good natural rhythm. Very nice.
Some of my favorite lines from your poem are:
"Speaking of,
make a fire,
gather round,
we'll never tire."
and
"The fire dims,
to sleep we fall,
till morning comes,
to wake us all."
I really really reaalllllyyyy enjoyed this poem. It is well written and I look forward to reading more of your work!
Hi, I'm Charley (obviously... ;D),
xx
It was great though there are a couple bits I'd like to point out that were a bit iffy to me.
I believe you could have put a bit less commas, because there were a couple of bits which didn't exactly make sense to me when you paused. For example:
"encasing all,
of natures beauty.
Maybe that could have been one sentence: "encasing all of natures beauty.
There were a few other parts like that but other than that
And agreeing with @HomeschooledTeen down there the part where it says
"while it does last
I believe getting rid of the 'does' sounds better but you don't have to listen to me anyway
Great poem anyway!
Hey, HT here to review.
I thought that this as very well written. You flow was pretty consistent, and your rhyme scheme was very good.
But I do have some suggestions for you, suggestions that I think will make this piece better than what it already is.
First of all, I think that you would benefit from breaking it into stanzas.
Stanzas make it feel a little less run-on.
Your punctuation is very good, but I don't think that you need quite so many commas.
And, like I said, your flow is pretty consistent but there were some places that it was a little funky.
I think that you should omit the word, 'does'. I read the line through with it, and without it, and it feels a little better without the added syllable.
And again, your rhyme scheme was pretty good, but you omitted it in one section/stanza:
The thing about rhyme schemes is that you either do them, or you don't. And if you do them you have to be consistent in them or the reader will get a little confused.
I liked your topic, and I thought that you covered it very well.
Overall, good job!
And welcome to YWS
Peace,
HT
Oops, I guess I hit submit ^_^ ignore this.