Wow! You said it took you just a moment to throw this masterpiece together! That is really impressive considering the level of vocabulary and the vivid imagery that it uses in order to convey the nuances of differences among humans which makes every single individual unique. I especially like how you use the expression "in my head" as well as the the vivid image of all mankind us sloshing around in our own pee.
That's extremely original since it is very rare for a poet to use urine as a symbol in that creative fission. The lack of punctuation is sheer genius since it serves to promote the flow of the reading without those annoying pauses and stops that so many fanatically insist upon. The only suggestion I can think of to improve this poem is to include a question mark after the word "suburbs"". Not really necessary since obviously it is a question whether or not we add a question mark. So adding it is just a way to go along with what is deemed correct. But of course the poetic license allows for all types of deviations from the norm and this could very well be considered one.
I also like the way that there are no distracting artificial rhymes which might immediately convey artificiality to a reader.
Keep up the great work!
BTW
Why did you place this piece under the humor category?
Points: 664
Reviews: 841
Donate