We were close when you went away,
We held hands, cuddled, and talked.
You left me for months,
But I tried so hard not to leave you.
We talked while you were gone.
Flirted, made promises, and laughed.
When you came back
I thought everything would be like old times.
Then he came along,
The stranger to you.
I knew then that I’d be done.
Yet I tried to believe that you weren't like that.
I knew you liked a challenge,
At least you did when you left.
I hoped you could have changed
And accept me for what I was.
I should have known I was reaching for the stars
How could I have thought that you could changed?
You, the promise keeper, made promises
And broke them.
I thought I’d get a chance
But you were just leading me on.
He came around
And you wanted nothing to do with me.
You wanted someone who could be there at your call
Not some one who couldn't’t.
I knew before even you did,
That we were doomed
He started to to date you,
I realized I could ignore that.
He started to replace me,
How can I live with that?
How can you replace me!
I could never do that to you.
I called you out on it, along with other names.
You just ignored it, thinking I’d be okay.
Look at us now,
Are we okay?
I used to trust you, tell you everything about me
Now, we hardly talk.
Forgot even knowing each other anymore,
That’s far from happening.
I told you we were doomed.
You told me it was you who was gunna doom us.
I thought you were trying to tease me,
Trying to make me upset.
I see that we’re done now,
But I also see something you don’t.
No matter what happens,
We’re done for good.
Sorry babe,
There’s no other option.
You hurt me too much
For me to even want to think about you.
You say you’re sorry,
Then do it again?
Don't you realize
How much this hurts me?
We’re done now,
No more, I’m through!
I give up,
I can’t do this anymore.
I don’t want to get hurt,
And that's all you do.
Dishing it out,
Being the ice you're made of.
We don’t date, we don’t flirt, we don’t even talk!
Our relationship is failing.
So, to save us the pain and effort,
I’m ending this now, we’re friends no more.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
A very ... how should I put it? Straightforward poem. It wears its emotions on its sleeve, your poem does.
Unfortunately, it is not enough to intrigue me. While I can see your words are real, and your emotions are raw, it is a strictly novice piece. You need practice with imagery and form (couplets all the way through is very bland, and shows no thought or creativity.) From what you have here, I would think that this is one of your first attempts at poetry. I would recommend you read some of the greats and get a feel for how poetry is done -- Sylvia Plath, TS Eliot and Billy Collins are some of my favorites (they also are some of the easier ones to decipher.)
Good luck,
Lyndsey
This is a very emotional and well driven piece. There are a few grammatical errors (gunna), (Question mark instead of exclamation mark.) and other spelling mistakes but these are unimportant.
Well done, i could totally empathize with the narrator and the piece was very enjoyable.
Alainna
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