A sad Facebook love story chapters one to two

Like tgirly said, the format is unique. But I think to keep your readers interested, you need to have more of a plot, instead of just ''me''- ''him''. I've seen poetry that is also a story. This has lots of potential, I just think that its too bulk, it needs more layers. Keep writing!

Interesting; I like the format of the story; almost like a poem, but it's a novel. Kinda unique.
The song is an itch unrealistic. I'm sure it would be a bit better than that. Another thing that seems a tad unrealistic is the "I hate this." That's harsh, and I couldn't see anyone telling someone that they'd had a crush on two seconds ago that they now hate something they made for them specifically and said that they loved them.
Other than that, it's very intriguing and I'd love to see the next chapter, so please update me on it and welcome to YWS!
(PS: I agree with Ben. Grammar shouldn't be taken lightly.)

Hello, Nyanya and welcome to youngwriterssociety.com!

I must say, this is a rather interesting work. Whether or not it's autobiographical doesn't make a difference in the...creativity of posting it? I like the content within this writing, but I don't know if I'd say that it's extremely well presented.

It seems to me that with a little bit more work this would be better presented as a poem of sorts. Not just because I tend to prefer poetry over most other forms of writing, but because it doesn't feel that this work could be fleshed out in a novel, or even that long of a novella to tell the truth.

It would be wise to find a better transition from Chapter One to Chapter Two. While a transition between chapters isn't as important as a transition between paragraphs and sentences within a chapter, there should still be quite a bit of thought put into it. Add a little bit of drama or something into this first sentence of a new chapter, or maybe something that seems a tad bit out of the ordinary. Just put something to grab our attention! At the moment the first line of the second chapter doesn't work that well.

Grammar is incredibly important in any piece of work. Grammar is something that I myself struggle with. One time in particular, an English teacher gave me an F on an essay he said should have been worth an A and the only reason I was marked that far down was because of horrible, horrible grammar. In this work, while the pieces of facebook messaging have a self evident reason as to why they don't need great grammar, the other parts still need to follow the structure of language. Not just because it looks good, but because it helps with the reading experience.

I think that this work, no offense, could be more a lot well thought out. The subject matter of the work is interesting and intrigue still exists by the end of the reading, but you should focus more on grammar and presentation of the overall body of work in the following chapters.

Keep on writing!

Ben Dietz.