Alright.... This had a great start! The opening really got my attention, but toward the end, it kind of petered out... I feel like starting each sentence with the word "I" was far too repetitious. There was little variety and each time the same thing was pretty much said, only in different wording. I would recommend, and I hate saying this, but I would recommend that you shorten your poem.
Also, this poem was talking about time, but then it seemed to switch to a tragic romance. And lets be honest, tragic romances are so overdone its not tragic anymore... I don't say this because your a bad writer, but because you chose a bad topic. Even the best authors can only go so far when they write about cliche topics. Just remember that.
I look forward to reading more from you and wish you the best in your writing career.
Points: 2830
Reviews: 74
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