Time.
Doesn't heal you, only changes you.
I spent so much time trying not to be like him.
I tried so hard not to care about them.
I was careless though.
I realized i was becoming like him because of my actions.
I was careless and hurt you.
I am not careless anymore.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,583 Literary Works • 672,048 Reviews
Alright....
This had a great start! The opening really got my attention, but toward the end, it kind of petered out... I feel like starting each sentence with the word "I" was far too repetitious. There was little variety and each time the same thing was pretty much said, only in different wording. I would recommend, and I hate saying this, but I would recommend that you shorten your poem.
Also, this poem was talking about time, but then it seemed to switch to a tragic romance. And lets be honest, tragic romances are so overdone its not tragic anymore... I don't say this because your a bad writer, but because you chose a bad topic. Even the best authors can only go so far when they write about cliche topics. Just remember that.
I look forward to reading more from you and wish you the best in your writing career.
Hi Nov96!
I loved the poem. You know, the best thing about poetry is that you can convey such a strong message through such little words.
What I LOVED about your poem was, it was very relatable. Many people have had similar feelings at some point in their lives. When they realize the importance of time. And the intriguing part of this piece of poetry is that because of its relativity, you don't need paragraphs to explain its inner message.
I personally loved the poem, and to me, it was very very relatable. I would love to read more of your work. Keep it up!
From an eager reader,
Adygirl
Hi there Nov96! First off, welcome to YWS! It's a great side to get feedback on your writing and make new friends! Let me know if you have any questions!
Now, on to the piece. There's two things I like about it.
1) It has a strong opening line. A nice twist on an old line and an idea that opens up lots of possibilities.
2) A strong meaning. The speaker is having a moment of self-reflection, realizing that she is becoming exactly what she hated most. Again, a theme that can be used in lots of different contexts.
However, I think there could have been more meat to the piece. It's a small poem, yet "careless" is repeated three times. Repetition has its place, but I'm not convinced it works here. It feels like the speaker is just telling me her emotions, which is a bit boring. Why not show me her apathy? It would make it feel more real to the reader. Strong poems tend not to flat out state emotions, but rather use imagery and metaphor to make them obvious.
Overall, there's a strong idea behind this, but the piece itself could use more detail and stronger word choices. Welcome again and keep writing!
This is so remarkable! This is complete confirmation of what I have been feeling! You're writing is amazing! God bless you!