The Crooked Little Girl

Dear Nourul,

Thank you for sharing this poem. I think it aims to describe quite a specific set of thoughts, and I have had them before myself, so I love being able to recognize similar philosophy in a poem. It's like looking in a mirror, but it will always be a bit different because it comes from a different person's mind -- I love that journey.

So my favorite part in this poem is the second to last stanza, when the girl asks herself what is the difference between a challenge and a mistake. In my interpretation of the poem, which is supported by the line "she took a risk and called it a choice", the girl did something without a lot of thought behind it and now has to live with that mistake, but she doesn't want to admit she made a mistake in her life, probably because it seems like this is a mistake she cannot rectify, fix, or get rid of. So it seems like something you do ONCE in your life and that changes your status as a DOer of this thing or a NOT DOer. And so gosh, we only have one life to live, we don't want to populate it with mistakes, we'd rather look at it positively and see it as a challenge to overcome or live with.

That honest look at her own mistake is really powerful, in my opinion.

That said, I think you could end the poem at the end of that stanza. Although the thought of dying alone is really common and probably feels really emotional when you're thinking it, it comes off as too generic and melodramatic in this poem. You could take it out and still have a strong, depressing ending.

I hope these thoughts are helpful to you in some way! If you have any questions, feel free to PM me or leave a reply here. Good luck, and thanks for sharing!

Hannah

Hello, Nourul! Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here, and happy review day from the Papyrus team!

First off, I do like this little poem, and I think it touches a very soft and sensitive subject. As I've seen in some other reviews the poem is relatable as well which is a plus. On to the review!

She kept on hoping and becomes a crooked little girl.

Now, the crooked little girl shed tears in silence.

Then, she called all this shit a challenge instead of a mistake.

"What is a mistake?" She asked herself.

But sadly her pathetic self wouldn't answer.

There, she sat alone and stood alone.

I really like this poem (aka, I'm in love with it), and I can relate to it. Also, welcome to YWS!!

Hey there! BubblegumGoddess here for a review!

Im gonna go a little in depth with this piece! Starting off at the beginning. "It hurts, deep inside, beneath her pride of a robust girl." I like the first part of this line where you talk about how it hurts beneath her pride, creating an image of this girl already. From just those words I can tell that this is a girl who is really hurting but, she doesn't let it show and because she keeps bottling it up, not the best things are going to come from that (which is what I thought the rest of the poem would be about). How you ended this line, however, was a little confusing to me. I would of written it a little bit differently but, overall it is your choice. I think that I would of changed it to "It hurts, deep inside, beneath the pride of a robust girl." By changing "her" to "the" it connects this line and it flows a little smoother in my eyes.

"She drew a smile on her face and grinned at every problem she faced." I liked how you used the word 'drew' here. To me, this further solidifies my idea that she is hiding her feelings so, this drawn on smile is just another attempt to mask her pain. The only thing that could better this line the not using "face" and "faced" so closely together. I would try and replace one of those with a different word.

"She took a risk and called it a choice.
She thought that she was strong but the truth is she was wrong." I really liked the first line, it was beautifully put, and I also really liked the slight rhyme with "strong" and "wrong".

"She keeps on hoping and becomes a crooked little girl.
Now, the crooked little girl shed tears in silence." I didn't really understand the connection between the first line here and the line before it. Maybe it would be a good spot to add a break and start a new stanza. I also think the flow was a little disrupted here because of the shift in tenses. I think that a second look at these lines would greatly benefit, and improve your poem.

"Indeed, there’s melancholy in her laughter and sorrow in every smile." I wanted to look at this line alone because, this line was so well written. The word choice here was excellent and you made me feel for this girl. Also the repetition of the "s" sound really pulled this line together. Props to you!

"She was confused.
She became lost in her own self." Here again we see a tense change which disrupts the flow once more. It may help you to focus on tenses so you can make your writing even better!

"Then, she called all this shit a challenge instead of a mistake.
What is a mistake? She asked herself." Here I see a mood change. The crooked little girl seems to take all the bad and sees it as a challenge for herself which makes me assume that she is ready to fight her way out of what seems to be depression. The second line here doesn't feel needed.

"But sadly her pathetic self won’t answer.
There, she sit alone and stand alone.
Shall she die alone?" This was a kinda confusing ending for me and I think that you should read it out loud so you can maybe see where I got confused and maybe you can reply and clarify?

Overall, this piece was really deep and although it does have some parts that need some re-looking over, I thought this poem was pretty good. Keep writing!

-Bubblegumgoddess

Hi , friend really excellent some people do our life like this because they are not share our feeling with others i think this major mistake so in this poem really super today we have busy schedule we reduce our Friends , family for that we meet lot problem in our life

Very beautiful! I hope you add on to this in the near future. You change tense a lot in it and though I understand it's a poem, but he tense change interrupts the flow a little. In the last two lines, the word alone is overused. Maybe try another word or deleting the first one? It can be a bit redundant with the same word every other spot. Maybe also, change to 'and sorrow in her smiles' to keep the rhythm going better. Very beautiful! Thanks for sharing