Published October 10, 2010
Snow swirls around my face
Blinding me to the world outside
I hear nothing but
The howl of the wind
I grow steadily colder
As the snow falls
There is nobody around
I am all alone
Alone in a world
Of endless white.
It isn't very good. I don't usually write poetry.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,743 Literary Works • 673,684 Reviews
This is actually pretty good. Although, one thing I would suggest on changing would be the title. When I first clicked on it, I thought it was going to be a happier poem, since that's what I think of when I think of snow days, so maybe try using "Snowstorm" instead? Just an idea. Anyhow, this was good, so please keep trying!
Hey! This isn't bad for a beginner! You're a creative writer and the simplicity of this is really great, I like how it's... ehm plain. You express the situation and emotions of the narrator in a really good way and well... It wasn't perfect but it was much better than bad! I would never have thought of it myself but Kyladoots idea of swapping places of the stanzas would make this piece even better... and if you add some punctuation this piece will have both an interesting beginning, good ryth and flow and a mysterious little ending. If you, like IcyFlame suggested try to "show" rather than just "tell" when you describe your settings this will turn out to be a quite amazing poem. I realize I'm mostly just mumbling and stuff now but what I want to say is that with a little polishing this can be a really great poem and your comments saying "It isn't very good" will be a very false statement.
As it is I will give this 3/5 icky sticky spiders but I think it has potential to get as much as 4½/5 which is very generous
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
You've got some beautiful imagery here and it's not bad for a beginner! Not at all. I've been writing poetry for a couple of months, but it's no use - you have much more potential than I ever will!
Remember to show, not tell and give us a little bit more in the way of description and you;ll be well on the way to creating even more wonderful poems. Keep on writing, and remember to practise!
If I were you, I'd try rearranging the stanzas. At the moment you have it set up 1, 2, 3,... but I think 3, 2, 1 might sound really good. I like the simplicity, and how you state your feelings so blatantly.
its a nice poem. i liked it. but for some reason i couldn't relate to it so much. dont worry its, not a bad poem, but a little more practice and you'll be perfect.
I really like the imagery you use in this poem. The only thing I would suggest is using some punctuation. To me this poem just keeps going, and going, and going, and their aren't any pauses. That's the only correction I would make. Otherwise, this is great!
That was great, especially for a beginer piece. You have potential in poems, and to get a better grasp on 'em check out someone elses work, thats what i did, and I got noticabley better. Write on.
That was great, especially for a beginer piece. You have potential in poems, and to get a better grasp on 'em check out someone elses work, thats what i did, and I got noticabley better. Write on.
This poem is really not bad at all. It's short, simple, and descriptive. You've done a nice job of creating a sense of isolation and aloneness. As EliteHusky said, it uses no excessive, flowery description. You get straight to the point while leaving nothing out. I think you've got some real potential for poetry. Stick with it and have confidence in your self. I'll be waiting for future works.
Best of luck.
I believe this is good. What I liked most was the lack of 'flowerly' language and in avoiding that, interpretation was easier for the reader. The conclusion does not disappoint and I look forward to reading more poetry you write in the future.
Sincerely
-Elitehusky
That's okay, why not start learning?
And I think that's really what's going to help you - practice. Poetry is hard because it's basically condensing a feeling, thought or emotion into a tiny little thing. I can tell that your poetry's pretty rough, but I think it has potential. Just remember a few things -
1. Don't just tell us a story, show us one. Use words to pull us in, so that we aren't just seeing a picture, but we're feeling it too.
2. Depth is everything. This kind of goes hand-in-hand with the first, but putting it into technical and emotional terms, give us heart, imagery, metaphor, emotion. This gives whatever you're writing dimension.
3. Have some idea. Do you want to just point out that it's snowing? Well, okay, do that, but you'll have a hard time bringing life to that unless you give it layers. Maybe it could symbolize loneliness...which was the sense I got from the last sentence...or a feeling of distance between you and the rest of the world. Those were slight themes that I kind of got from the last line, but it would be nice to consistantly see that there's some direction in the piece.