By Noselay
Having your own personality is something very special. Be a fruit loop as the world is full of Cheerios. From Oscar Wilde quotes “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken,” it identifies how people basically should be themselves, or you might say be authentic. Although how often do people do not have the confidence to say something or express their true personality?
People are not confident enough to say something or do something due to the fact that one is usually concerned of how they will be perceived. If one is not confident enough, they are unable to live to their deepest passions, desires and their beliefs, however it is not that easy. Having the courage and dedication to acknowledge and be proud of one’s embarrassments, feelings, emotions, dreams, desires and beliefs. Having self-freedom is most important. Being yourself leads to your life being more fulfilling, meaningful, exciting and enlightening. Evidence has shown in High school males having feelings for girls although they do not have the confidence to express themselves. For example, you found a super intelligent and beautiful girl. So you find her very attractive but you do not feel your good enough for her. So you decide to become more attractive. Maybe you try workout more, although you aren’t really that sporty. This example strongly relates to how people don’t truly express themselves though they should express their true feelings.
To conclude, “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken,” it explains to be more authentic, by acknowledging and appreciating your real thoughts, feelings, emotions, desires, passions, embarrassments and beliefs.
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125,010 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
First, i love the title of this article. Though your examples do not reach out to everyone who might read in practical terms, its still a good attempt.
To the author: Nice work, but put more effort in your writing. You are on the path to success as a writer if you don't give up.
About the article: It could not have been better. The title is captivating and almost self-explanatory. I love the issue this article addresses.
Of a truth, many desire greatness, not of themselves but of others. In the pursuit to be like already made legends and success stories, many of use lose ourselves in the process and eventually achieve below our ability.
With much said - i am glad this issue has been addressed.
Hi1 I liked this article as it addressed one of the most important issues in our society nowadays. People are constantly trying to portray and mimic their supposed role models and are oblivious of the significance of their own identity.
However, I feel you should have began this article with a more .....eye catching start. Something that intrigues the reader immediately. But good attempt!
Hi, Noselay. My name is Solvy and I'm here to review your essay.
So, make him proud. ^_^
I really like Wilde's quote, and how you attempt to use as the main point of your essay, as it is a very powerful phrase. However, although I like what I see in this pot, I believe your essay is still somewhat raw, as it doesn't thoroughly convince me as a reader. When it comes to the content, you mention that there is evidence that states that people who don't feel confident enough tend to change or pretend they're something they're not to meet social expectations, but you never mention why they shouldn't.
You do mention the pros of being authentic, as you say getting to know oneself is fulfilling... But you never mention the cons and serious consequences teenagers and young adults face when they try to fit into a stereotype.
Here's my suggestion on how to organize your poem.
-Explain the problem, along with evidence/quotes. I think you've got most of this done. Your opinions and explanations are absent though.
-Develop further: why is the problem actually a problem? Anyone could start a debate saying that if you do what people expect you to do and become what people expect to see, you would be happier, as most would accept you. Go a little deeper and explain how this is not so. How will it affect you on the long run to change in order to be accepted?
-Explain what are the benefits of finding yourself in a society that is passionate about stereotypes. How will it benefit you, personally, to stay true to yourself? Explain how does your essay relate to Wilde's quote? What do you think he means by "Be yourself, everyone elsethe is taken?". Gotta be fair with this fine thinker, hahah
Last but not least, I would suggest noy to write an essay in second person. As in, don't speak directly to your reader. Why? Because it can be a touching topic, and it can feel a little judgemental at times, which is bad for an essay with a good purpose such as yours.
Have fun! And keep writing~
-Solvy
Hello there!
You have some extensive reviews already, so I hope I do not repeat anything they might have said.
Second paragraph, first sentence: "concerned of" should be "concerned about".
Other than that, I feel like your article is a bit too short, and could have used some more arguments and elaboration. You could have given arguments about why people lack confidence in expressing themselves in general, or what is the result of that lack of confidence. You could have said something like:
"People make their words go through a filter before they come out of their mouths because they are afraid of saying something that would make others dislike them or even laugh at them. That significantly reduces the palette of sentences they are able to put together."
That's pretty much what I though I had to say that was not already said. Anyway, welcome to the Young Writers Society. I'm sure that you will improve significantly in time. I hope this helps!
Salutations.
Ah, it's always a pleasure to see a new member dive into the world of literature, especially here, on the Young Writers Society. I see you have been welcomed warmly, so I shall skip that and continue straight with the review.
My Legend:
Red - correction
Orange - suggestion
Green - addition
Blue - removal
Your first sentence is a statement that holds value for many, so that is a good introduction to your article. However, the second sentence requires some polishing. I don't know much about the cereals you mentioned (except that they're cereals, of course), but I assume "fruit loop" must be capitalised, seeing as it is supposed to be a different brand. Also, remember that "as", "for" and "since" are all conjunctions, so they must be preceded with a comma. (They can also be used as prepositions or adverbs, but not in the context.)
This sentence is very awkwardly constructed. You should begin simply with "Oscar Wilde says", since the preposition serves no purpose and you can only quote somebody if that somebody isn't you. In addition, "basically" is a useless word and should be chucked into the literary dustbin - remove it from any sentence and you'll see the sentence's flow and clarity has been improved. (The other adjustments I made are to improve the sentence structure.)
Another awkward sentence. Even though this is a new sentence, the conjunction indicates that it follows up on the idea established in the previous sentence; however, it should be a co-ordinating conjunction, not a subordinating one. And the "do not" has literally no use, since you've already used "do" earlier in the sentence.
A sentence with which I absolutely agree, but which is a little overweight, metaphorically speaking. Lose the first "something", since tautology is not much appreciated by readers. (In simpler terms, you don't have to repeat "something" - saying it once is enough.)
Remember two things when dealing with pronouns and conjunctions, respectively:
♣ Your pronouns must coincide; there is no choice. If you begin with "one" - this is an error I frequently encounter, so don't feel bad - you must use it throughout the sentence. It is not interchangeable with "they".
♣ "However" is arguably the trickiest conjunction in the English language, but it is also one of the most popular. Sadly, many use it incorrectly, so read closely. There are three ways to use "however": one, you precede it with a semi-colon and follow it up with a comma (this is the most common usage, and therefore the one I used in my correction); two, you precede it with a full stop instead of a semi-colon (remember your capitalisation!), but still follow it up with a comma (I prefer this one); or three, you place it between two commas (the rules concerning this option are very complicated, so rather avoid doing it like this).
Do you understand now?
This is a sentence-fragment, since there is only a subject, but no predicate.
That's a bg quote, isn't it? Here's a concise list of all the improvements.
♣ Adjectival phrases generally come after the nouns they modify.
♣ "Boys" sound better "males", since the ages of the males in high school usually range from fourteen to nineteen.
♣ "High school" is spelled with a capital h only at the beginning of a sentence.
♣ The continuous form of the verb "has" was incorrect, so I replaced it with a relative pronoun and the simple form.
♣ Those two words were wholly unnecessary.
♣ Adjectives like "super" are best avoided.
♣ "So" was not an appropriate conjunction, since it should have been co-ordinating, not subordinating.
♣ A common malapropism - "your" is a possessive pronoun, not a contraction of "you are".
♣ Prepositions exist for a reason.
♣ "Though" needs a comma before or after it when used independently.
As a last note on that, where is this evidence you mentioned? You provided an explanation and an example, but not any scientific or statistical evidence. Keep in mind that it is never a good idea to present speculation as hard facts.
You seem to hammer on that saying. Was your topic to explain it, or individuality as a general concept? Either way, this conclusion is unsatisfactory. It's like a muffin that failed to rise - it had potential, but missed the mark. Your conclusion must, like your introduction, always be efficient and interesting/humorous/thought-provoking/etc. (whichever is appropriate), so I would have put a bit more effort into it.
Despite all the improvement your piece can still undergo, it is concise and clearly delivers the message it was meant to. Continue writing, and no matter what others may say, do not conform - be yourself! Like you said, everyone else is already taken.
Hey there! Welcome to YWS. I hope you enjoy your stay
This is a nice little essay you have here. It's very meaningful and has a strong point. However - it's a bit cliche. Not story cliche, but the topic. Everyone writes about being yourself, so how can yours be any different? Add more cool, catching phrases, spice it up a bit. For example:
That is awesome! I like it. Or maybe expand your imagery on this. That way, there's more "spice".
Two problems here. What evidence? I'm not going to exactly just believe you right away - where's this from? A website, magazine...? Also, "high" in "high school" does not need to be capitalized.
I would cut the "So" out here, for two reasons: 1) It sounds less choppy and more polished, and 2) the next sentence starts with "so", and with the two so's it sounds quite weird and unedited. Also, the "your" here needs to be "you are" or "you're".
This was nice though, I loved your wording, writing style, and you seemed to have the correct forma for a formal essay (is this for school?)
Keep writing, I hope this helps you!
~ EternalRain
Hey, Thanks for the feedback and warm welcome
I will definitely use this to improve my writing skills as it is for School 
Im glad you enjoyed reading it!
Awesome!^^
Man, this is great, let me start. I like the way you compared a fruit loop to cheerios, as everyone else is, just like everyone else, it kind of says to me, be yourself, don't be like everyone else, and I like that, because that's why I grew my hair out, to show I'm different from the guys at my school, and they all see me differently from the others.
Confidence and social standards, I want people to be themselves instead of following some damn social standards. If you aren't confident or brave you cannot reach what you truly want in life.
It just kind of tells me, live life the way you want to, and if your deepest desire is to be watching Doctor Who with a jar of Nutella beside you, go for it!
I agree very strongly with you on this, and I love it, you have a very right vision, you see what's really happening.
I didn't have any problems with this, but I give you 1,000,000 likes my friend, and I will stalk you to the end of my days on Yws, which will probably be never. Keep up the good work!
Wow, much appreciated!
I'am very pleased that you enjoyed reading this. I will definitely keep writing more like this. 