As the world sleeps
No Other Awake
Falling into Exhaustion
Falling into Unconsciousness
The Time Strikes Twelve
And I Ball
Balling into Warmth
Balling into the comfort
Falling into my balling
Falling to sleep
Balling to sleep
(im tired dont judge :/)
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141,254 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
Hi there!
This was soo unique to me, i have never seen a poem so lightheartedly written and yet making sense like this does. The repeated mentions of 'balling' draws me in, and it is really similar to my writing style.
The line 'falling into my balling' made me giggle because the poem talks about exhaustion as mentioned in the third line, and you know when people fumble over their words and utter weird stuff? That line kind of makes me feel that way.
You've done a great job on this, keep writing.
Hey there NormalMoon!! Here to give you a review on your lovely poem. Apologies if it’s a bit on the short side.
First of all, welcome to YWS!! I hope you’re enjoying it here so far. This poem, while short, does pack a punch when it comes to emotional impact. I think you could deepen your message here in a few ways, but of course in the end it’s your work and you’re not obligated to take this constructive criticism :)
The repetition at the end is interesting! I wonder if “balling” was meant to spell “bawling”? As in, to cry heavily--that’d add an extra layer of meaning here, with the narrator’s turmoil.
I’d also like to encourage you to explore figurative language! You have a good start here with the repetition, but think about incorporating sensory details. Like, how does the night feel? Is the narrator warm? Cold? How do their emotions feel, what would they compare their emotions to? Just questions to be asking yourself when writing!!
Overall, I enjoyed reading this! Hope to keep seeing you around, and keep writing!
<3, chem
Hi! Cozmo here to give a short and sweet review!
I thought this quick little poem was adorable (and very relatable). I liked your repetition of the words "Falling" and "Balling". This, funny enough, reminds me of last night, I couldn't sleep very well, and it struck midnight: I was tossing and turning, curling up in a ball, it felt like forever.
I also giggled at the little note at the end. I relate to that as well. I think a lot of people do. Sometimes our best work is done in the middle of the night when a wave of inspiration hits us.
This is a very sweet poem!
- Best wishes, Cozmo