Published November 29, 2009
Oh, how I long for your
never ending warmth.
Your arms encircling
my cold, aching body.
My eyes close at the sense
of your unforgotten touch!
And your mind touching
mine as a loving crutch!
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141,368 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
Hey nonfiction,
Just an honest review of sorts. I liked this. In a poem of such few words you've captured such complex emotions - but remember to make the words count!
The double usage of 'touch' being in similar placements and all really stands out because the poem is so short - try to vary your language.
Other than that - it was good! Keep writing!
~ Audy
This is good! My only problem is the last line:
It sounds like you just needed a word to rhyme with touch, and crutch.... well, you need to say something about being broken if you insist on using that. Otherwise, good job!
--Dreamy
I love this! Its beautiful. I keep imagining a whole story behind it and that, I think, makes a poem good. It reminds me of "A gift in wartime" by Twan Mang Tu (I think that's her name). Its not that similar but it gives off the same feel. To me at least.
This is really cute. I love it. I like the feeling it gives when reading it.
Keep writing. (:
~ Kat.
This poems great I love this part the best,
Oh, how I long for your
never ending warmth.
Your arms encircling
my cold, aching body.