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The Grave Digger's Diary: Intro

by Noir
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This is an intro to the tragedy/romance/dark fantasy/supernatural teen fiction that I've started working on, "The Grave Digger's Diary". It's kind of weird and kind of cruel, but I hope it's be acceptable.

Synopsis (not very accurate though) :

As a child, Clair Snow was lonely. She could see things, like strange spots or shadows,that others couldn't. She couldn't communicate well with others her age, and felt no need to. She was better off sitting in her room all day and writing stupid things in her diary.

Her parents were dissatisfied, but always decided to give her time and let this phase pass. "This child will crave someone's friendship sometime soon." they thought.

On one such lonely day in the summer of her fifth year, as she was looking out of her small window, she noticed something different.

A boy. About her age, with tattered black clothes hanging on him like a raven's feathers, who only sat on a see-saw in a park on the other side of the street, staring at their house without even blinking once. For days and days, he just sat there,still and unblinking. Curiosity got the better of Clair, and before she knew what she was doing, she went outside and started talking to the boy.

The boy was nameless, or so he said, seemed to have no home, or so he said, and was surprised of her talking to him, or so he said. Even though he repeatedly ignored her, Clair persistently kept talking to the pale boy, with peculiar snow white hair, dark tattered hood and eyes that sank so deep, they were about to fall into the owner's skull. She came back everyday, talking and talking for hours to the child who barely ever replied, and when he did, she couldn't understand half of what he was saying. But, for some unknown reason, she liked him. So, in another one of those now not-so-lonely summer days, She gave him a name.

Dark and mysterious and grim. "Shade", it was.

Soon, a strong bond of friendship was formed between Shade and Clair as he finally started talking to her, and they played for endless minutes before Clair was summoned by her mother. But, nobody else could see Shade. Her parents pretended, but even they couldn't.

And then, the fire happened.

Her house, her beloved parents, her diary, all burnt to crisps. Only she remained, because on the one day that the fire started roaring, Shade didn't let her go in after her mother called for her. That day, he took her farther than the usual park and asked a strange question:

"Do you love me,Clair?"

That was a definite yes.

"Do you want me to go away?"

That was a definite no.

"Then,would you stay with me forever?"

A Yes. A child's innocent Yes. Yes, to playing everyday with the only friend she had. Yes, to forever talking about things that other kids found creepy and disgusting.

But, she didn't say Yes to her parents death. She didn't say Yes to the many other deaths that followed.

What Shade did, no human could do. The world which he came from, had no place for emotions.He had gotten two perfectly, but had missed one person.

He hadn't done his job well. The girl should have also died. That meant punishment. Or a game. A game to see if the one who he risked all for could return this Death Bringer, this engineer of Death's unprecedented love. If he lost, he'd disappear, and Clair would be open to the acts of thousand of other Angels of Death like him, who were bored of their sad jobs and were craving the excitement of being allowed to take a life freely, without a deadline. If Clair could keep her promise until her seventeenth birthday, and swore her life to Shade, she would become an immortal existence like him, living besides Shade for all eternity. But,a girl's heart is an ever-changing region. What if she ever found someone else to love?

This is how Shade answered:

"I'll make it that she only needs me, loves me, desires me. And if there is even the most minute chance that she might bestow affection upon somebody else...

I'll merely do what I do best."

-

Before she knew, Clair had entered a game where fate, life and death had no meaning.

She couldn't die, but had to watch all whom she loved fall around her through the years.

Before she'd noticed, she had already become Death's dark bride.

Love and hate, life and death, darkness and light blend together in each page.

Now, flip through the pages of the Grave Digger's Diary.

-

-

-

Seventeen lives, seventeen deaths

Eight go, but one remains

His love, his need, his obsessive rage

Will coax and torture, lock her in a cage

She cannot fade, fate has been fooled

She's like a doll whose strings were pulled

The Angel's innocence, the Devil's pride

She runs away, but cannot hide

One, two, three, those souls will fade

Disappear within the dark, dark shade

"Come, lovely child, let's play a game

For me, for you, the outcome's the same

Cross your heart, hope to die

I can save you, shall I try?

A translucent dress, shadows for laces

Forget all those frightening faces

With the dead nor the living you do not side

You are Death's snow cold bride" 

Comments & reviews · 4
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This was just lovely! I really hope that this becomes a published work and I can get the whole book to read! I believe that this will be a wonderful novel, and the use of poetry at the end? Spectacular! I would love to see you somehow integrate a page of the Diary in the end of each chapter, or incorporate them in somehow! 10 out of 10 from me!

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jcyws Comment

Just when I was thinking.. "You know what would be really great is if he added a poem here", you did!

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Dracula
Review
Dracula wrote a review · Sun Mar 22, 2015 3:40 am

Hey, Noir! Welcome to the Young Writers Society. :D

As a child, Clair Snow was lonely. She could see things, like strange spots or shadows,that others couldn't.
I'm just going to point out an editing mistake here. You do not need the comma after shadows.

But, nobody else could see Shade. Her parents pretended, but even they couldn't.
I'd like to see some more evidence of this earlier in the chapter, because it came as a surprise to me when it should have been obvious. Perhaps her parents could ask her who she talks to and why they haven't seen him before.

The poem was awesome! I'm loving the sound of your story and I definitely hope you'll keep writing it. I can see how much of a problem being death's bride would be for your character and I'm interested to see where you'll take this. The story had an eery feeling, it was quite spooky but at the same time suspenseful and I wanted to keep reading.

If you'd like me to review further chapters just write a message on my wall, I'd love to read them for you. :D

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Terian805
Review

Wow what a cool little intro! It was very well written and disconcerting. Good job with conveying that sense. The intro was very original, and I liked your ideas, especially that of the Angels of Death. However it did confuse me throughout, especially the ending. So was this boy Shade sent to kill Clair's parents, but he failed at killing her, so he had to marry her? I'd like this explained. Try to make it slightly more clear to the reader. There were several mistakes with commas, such as "Do you love me,Clair?" Try to remember to put commas in the right place. Overall I really liked this story and I'm looking forward to the rest of this novel. Definitely keep writing!!



The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him.
— Stanislaw Jerszy Lec