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Young Writers Society



Hunted 3.2

by Noelle


“What’s not worth it?”

He nodded to the book. “Studying Marcus’s rule. He barely made a difference.”

Alekos could’ve laughed. Ren thought he was studying how to rule a country. Alekos knew what kind of king he would be. His father had counseled him many years about being king. When the time came, Alekos knew exactly what he would do.

He reached down to reopen the book. “I’m not studying Marcus. I’m just enjoying a history book.”

Ren was silent for a moment. “I heard the fainting is back?”

“Yes. Happened during the cabinet meeting.”

“Have you seen the healer?”

“Nope.”

“You should.”

Alekos turned, his chair scraping against the wood floor. “I don’t want to. He’s going to tell me the same thing as always. ‘Get more sleep and eat vegetables.’ And that’s all I’ve done.”

Ren glared at him, a look that would scare a younger version of the prince. But Alekos couldn’t be intimidated anymore. He was nearing the age of being eligible for the crown. A king couldn’t bow to anyone.

He flipped the pages mindlessly, keeping himself busy to keep Ren from talking. Alekos was fond of his body guard, but they weren’t closer than worker and boss. He didn’t want Ren looking into what he was studying.

There was a knock on the door. Alekos turned to see Rebecca standing in the doorway. “Lorien let you in?”

“Gave him a few hours off.” She shrugged. “Your father sent me. Wants you to see the healer.”

Ren grunted. “Guess I’ll have to come too.”

“No,” Alekos said all too quickly. The bodyguard gave him a look. “I mean, you don’t have to bother. The healer only lives a minute’s walk out of the walls.”

“What if something happens?”

Alekos smiled. “Rebecca’s a born fighter. Seen it myself. She’ll protect me.” He caught her blushing at the words. When she made eye contact with him, she straightened her back and fixed her face; a royal mannequin if he ever saw one.

Ren didn’t seem too keen to let them go, but he eventually agreed. “You have to take Braeden with you though. I’m not letting you out with no protection.”

Rebecca groaned. Alekos elbowed her in the side, a warning not to push Ren to his limits. He’d seen what the bodyguard could do and he wouldn’t put it past Ren to go straight to the king.

“Understood!” Alekos shouted back as he ran out of his room. A single pain stabbed his forehead, but it quickly disappeared. Only then did he notice his headache was gone.

“Why do we have to take a guard,” Rebecca whined. “It’ll mess up everything.”

Alekos scrunched his eyebrows. “Ruin what?”

Rebecca pulled him to the side. She started to speak, but a maid passed in front of them. The maid inclined her head and continued. Alekos could tell she was taking her time; servants liked to keep on top of the gossip around the castle.

When the woman was finally out of earshot, Rebecca spoke. “I’m not taking you to the healer. We’re going to see them.”

He knew exactly what she was talking about. Despite knowing they were alone, his head swung from side to side. Just as was before, the hall was empty. All he saw was the dust fluttering in the sunbeam coming from the window.

They hadn’t visited anyone in a while. Alekos knew that these visions weren’t going to stop until he found out why they were happening. The best way to do that was to go outside the castle grounds.

“Good thing Ren suggested Braeden,” he whispered. “He knows about this.”

Rebecca’s eyes grew. “You told someone else? Alex, you can’t go parading your personal life like that.”

“I know, but he caught me in the middle of one once. I couldn’t come up with a lie quick enough. He’ll keep the secret.”

She looked at him as if she wasn’t about to believe it, but she didn’t argue. “Let’s go then.”

The castle was as empty as ever. A few more maids passed them by and a servant stopped them to ask if they needed anything. Their footsteps echoed against the grand walls of the entryway. The tall wooden doors stood before them.

“Think I should call someone to open them for me?” Rebecca joked. “You know, being a woman and unable to fend for myself.”

Alekos shook his head and smiled. “I know you can take care of yourself. Ren doesn’t trust you because you’re not part of his men.” He reached around her and hauled open the door. “Ladies first.”

She curtsied grandly and headed out into the cool afternoon. The wind hit Alekos the moment he stepped out. He pulled his arms close to his chest and shivered once. The castle was much warmer.

Unlike the castle, the grounds were full of workers. The gardeners were trying to save the withering plants and a servant was shining the statues. They all stopped when he passed and bowed deeply. He nodded to all of them and commended their work.

Ren’s men lived in barracks to the left of the castle. They were far enough away to distance themselves, but close enough to respond if there was a problem. The buildings themselves were old, tattered wooden beams held up the roof and withered ivy climbed the walls. Somehow it was all still standing.

Alekos stepped up to the door and knocked. A moment later, a guard opened the door. He looked to be hardly older than the prince and he held a glass of ale in his hand. When he seemed to realize who was standing at his door, he straightened and bowed, spilling ale on his feet.

“We’re looking for Braeden,” Alekos announced, cringing inwardly at the guard who opened the door.

“You need me, your majesty?” Braeden was a large man, easily towering over the two of them. His beard was rough, as if he hadn’t bothered to shave in weeks. He was dressed in his undergarments, like the man at the door, a more brown than white shirt and gray pants. Alekos had to remind himself that he was intruding on their time off.

“Ren said for you to come with us. To see the healer.” Alekos tried to emphasize the last words so Braeden would get the hint. Not that it would make a difference, but it seemed nice to give him a warning before they started off.

He nodded and headed back to get dressed. Alekos couldn’t tell if he got the message; his face was stone. Yet that’s how Braeden looked most of the days.

The other guards began to shift, looking around Alekos. He knew they were looking at Rebecca. She got this kind of attention everywhere. He would admit that he looked too sometimes. She was as lovely as all the suitor said, especially now as the setting sun reflected off her golden hair.

A sudden feeling filled Alekos. Jealousy, maybe? He stepped in front of her, breaking the men’s stares. “There are plenty of other women to look at.” The guards grunted and grumbled apologies, apparently not caring it was the prince they were talking against. It only fueled Alekos’s anger.

“I won’t have any of the either! I am your prince and you will do well to remember that.”

“Alekos.”

His name was soft coming from Rebecca’s lips. It brought him back to the moment, away from the sudden urge to protect.

“You don’t have to defend me,” she said calmly. “Let them look. I’m almost of age after all.”

“Yes, but they are—”

“Just as old as you and I. Some a few years more. I’m flattered that they have taken interest.”

Alekos stared back at her, trying to find another way to explain his actions. But he knew her and knew that she would negate all of them. It would be no use.

Braeden emerged from the barrack again and closed the door behind him. He was dressed in the traditional uniform: blue jacket with black pants and dagger hanging from his hip. There would be no mistaking him. “Where are we really going?”

Rebecca smiled. “Out on the town.”

Braeden raised an eyebrow. “If you don’t want to tell me that’s on you. If you get me in trouble though, that’s still on you.”

“No worries,” Alekos said. “We’ll keep your hands clean.”

“Then lead the way.”


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Sun Dec 02, 2018 1:37 am
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PrincessInk wrote a review...



Hello again! I couldn't resist going on to the next chapter. :D

So I know that Ren is pretty friendly with Alekos, even chummy, but not very close. So maybe Ren might push him not to study too much, go to the healer, Ren might follow him. But I don't think he'd shut Alekos's book like that. Sorry, I keep nitpicking on that part but I think this sort of thing is important in a story, especially in the beginning when relationships are established.

Yay! I'm glad Rebecca is a kickbutt heroine but also rather gentle at times. And she's lovely too. One thing that bothers me a bit is how she seems perfect, like, y'know, a bit Mary-Sueish you see? Maybe I would like to see some of her fatal flaws or waterloos or unusual quirks. I like her a lot. Only that she doesn't feel too real. I feel like she matches the checklist for perfect YA heroine: kickbutt ✔️, pretty with blonde hair ✔️, sassy ✔️. So maybe add more characteristics that really make her the one and only Rebecca :)

“There are plenty of other women to look at.”


So come on, Alekos, you don't have to be like that!! Rebecca is pretty and even though you're the prince and you like *like* her, you don't have to be upset that other men do stare. Either way, I feel like gossip might be generated from this and I feel like Alekos, as the prince, might be more cautious about it?? Idk. I don't know what's Rebecca's position--I assume she's a high-ranking servant in the palace and not a noble, but I could be wrong. Maybe later on it'd be great to see some gossip spinning about what is between Alekos and Rebecca because they're often together.

I know this time's review is a bit more complain-y this time but I really want to say, good job! I jumped in in the middle and I'm enjoying it! I'm curious to see what Alekos will do to get to the bottom of everything: the necklace, the visions, whatever else will come next.

Keep writing! :o

-Ink




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Wed Oct 17, 2018 8:23 pm
Messenger wrote a review...



Hey Noelle, here for another review.

Alekos turned, his chair scraping against the wood floor. “I don’t want to. He’s going to tell me the same thing as always. ‘Get more sleep and eat vegetables.’ And that’s all I’ve done.”

This is basically my life at college, barring the fact that I don't actually do it lol

“What if something happens?”

Alekos smiled. “Rebecca’s a born fighter. Seen it myself. She’ll protect me.” He caught her blushing at the words. When she made eye contact with him, she straightened her back and fixed her face; a royal mannequin if he ever saw one.

I really like this bit. Just the wording itself is great in that it's an extremely easy thing to picture, but it also tosses in some character/world building without being clunky.

Ren didn’t seem too keen to let them go, but he eventually agreed. “You have to take Braeden with you though. I’m not letting you out with no protection.”

Usually, I'm not this specific on sentences during my reviews, but the word "eventually" stuck out to me here. First, because it makes it seem as if they just sort of sat around waiting for Ren to agree even though we know it isn't more than a few seconds of deliberation. Secondly, eventually is a very vague word that really leaves it up to the reader to fill in the gap until they get to the next. Something like "Alekos could see Ren deliberate whether or not to object for a moment, before conceding." It's not a huge error, but something I felt like pointing out.

She curtsied grandly and headed out into the cool afternoon. The wind hit Alekos the moment he stepped out. He pulled his arms close to his chest and shivered once. The castle was much warmer

Umm. No way is the castle made of stone warmer than the outdoors where the sun has warmed it up all day. Castles were freezing back in the day when it was cold outside. sorry for the nerd out

The buildings themselves were old, tattered wooden beams held up the roof and withered ivy climbed the walls. Somehow it was all still standing.

I love this description. SO classic medieval and nice imagery.

So overall this is a decent follow-up to 3.1. I feel that the "oh he caught me once" part about Braeden being in on sneaking from the castle is a bit of a cheap escape from a lot of potential tension that you could have created, but that's your creators call. I get a classic medieval story feel to this story, almost stereotypical in some regards, and yet I love it. They say that it's not so much about creating a brand new story idea as it is telling it well, and I think you've got skill and potential for that. I hope that your two MC's meet up soon, and possibly see some love-triangle things coming soon?

~Messy





Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
— Miles Kington