Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

First Impression: Hmm, so well as far as excerpts go, this is a pretty nicely chosen one I think, this certainly has to be one of the more exciting parts of the novel, cause it was a pretty fun read here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

She slowly put the key in the keyhole. Turned it and turned the door knob. While still standing outside, she pushed the door, so they could take an overlook before getting in.

They walked in cautiously, very slowly and moved their heads around the room. There was a bed in front of the door, a small bed table beside it, a huge closet on the right, and a big desk and a chair on the left. The broken window was just beside the bed, and behind the desk. Leila noticed the remaining of a candle on the desk and a broken lamp. Was it, the thing flashing that day before?

Hmm, well I'm getting a strong sense of tension from this opening here, the description has a rather apprehensive feel for this as if the one's who are exploring this place have a certain fear of said place for some reason...its very interesting to see here, and it certainly is a good point to start on here although considering this is from the middle of a chapter, I suppose it wasn't quite meant to be that way.

“So he is storing some old furniture?” asked Sarah in a whisper.

“But it is stored in a very neat way,” Leila said as she walked in and faced the window “As if there is someone used to live here.”

“The broken window,” Sarah walked in as well. “It makes the place so dusty,”

They both roamed around in silence.

OKay....those observations there don't really quite sound all that natural I have to see...I feel like you can just tag that sort of thing onto the description, or rephrase the dialogue cause the way it is it, doesn't sound like something that a person would naturally say in a conversation there.

They opened the closet, the night stand’s drawer and the desk. Nothing unusual. They looked through every closed door, not sure what they exactly they were looking for.

“I don’t think there’s anything in here,” Sarah stood in the middle of the room in despair. “I’ll go get a drink.”

OKay...well it looks like they came hoping to find something in there, but uhh, they definitely seem to have been disappointed by the looks of things, I suppose this could perhaps be some kind of important part in the context of the novel although jumping in the middle, we can't quite tell cause it is an excerpt.

Just as Leila turned around to follow her, she stopped. She kept staring into the air for a second. But no, this is just not air, there was something in it.

Leila stood desensitized without a scream. She slowly fell to the ground, and fainted.

Ooooh, well you ended this excerpt on a really cliffhangery part right there, oh wow, that looks to be perhaps the first sighting of the ghost mentioned in the title right there...well, well, this is a really intriguing ending here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, this seems like an interesting story here...there was only one or two tiny nitpicks I could point out up there, but for the most part it was a solid piece.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry