Young Writers Society

Ooh, I like this one. I feel like this one is more relateable than your other one and true for more or less everyone. I also really, really like your ending line.

Always remember, back then when your heart dominated your brain, you took that first step to stand on your own feet though you Brain said ‘baby you will fall down’.

Hi, Niteesh. I would like to review your poem.

So, I understand you wanted to write about the dilemma that occurs because of the things that the heart wants us to do and the things that the brain wants us to do. The concept of your poem is nice. And I reckon, there are no grammatical errors as well. Overall, it is a nice poem. But, I think you could have been able to make it a bit better.

I think, you have just presented a basic thing here, there's nothing extra. So, if you could twist something up and add some spices to it, then it would have been much better.
But overall, nice poem. Keep on writing and good luck for your future.

Hey there Niteesh and a few days late welcome to YWS! It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.

First things first, first impressions. This really doesn't feel like an article/essay to me and is more formatted like a meaningful poem type of thing. There is no real central statement to me that would make this fit within the category that you've put in, besides the summary line at the bottom. If you were to look at the grammatical side of this work, the grammar is all over the place. You have caps here and there and smack dab in the middle of the sentence in addition to partial sentences uncompleted and even some that don't make any sense. I think that you really need to rethink where you're putting this peace because I just can't find a way to see it through these lenses.

The repetition was pretty strong and powerful at some points but the constant begin each line with the same phrase and ending it in a similar way, just makes this literary detail annoying to me. It just sort of sticks there and bothers the reader over and over again. This makes the lines really drag on and I think you may want to rework these a bit. I would try to change them up a bit and make them more exciting to catch the reader's attention.

I get the point of the entire piece but it's hard to drag through and try to keep attention on the actual words, rather than the formatting and word choice. The whole things is almost organized like a poem for the most part except the one line at the end that skews the entire thoughts on it. I'm not really sure what to think at this point because I just can't get by all the things that bother me.

I'm not really sure where to go from here but the entirety of this piece bothers me. You were trying to get some really good points across and show your character's mind to someone but it continues to get tripped up by the more factual things. I would start by rethinking the type of piece you're doing and where and what you want the meaning to be. There's just nothing else that I can really say.

Anyways I'm going to be heading out now and be on my way. Good luck to you with revising this and on further writing ventures.
Have a nice day.
Lizz
The Queen of the Book Clubs

Hi Niteesh!
I loved the concept of your piece of work. yes! there are always two people living inside you, giving you two different advises.
This is actually a bit funny,brought smile on my face....
But i think you could have elaborated it a bit ,written more about the struggle, the fight between heart and the brain
NICE work.... keep writing......