Just a song I came up with one night when I couldn't sleep at all. Writing it helped me fall asleep. Hopefully you won't fall asleep reading it.
"Awake"
By NiteStrike
I Am Awake
I can’t seem to dream
The heat kills me
and the guilt tears at the seams
With every breath
I can’t stay still
Diving into this load of turmoil
Drives one to kill
I Am Awake
My heart is torn
and I can’t seem to shake the feeling
That I am naught but a fake
A sham, a con, I cannot be anything more
Just a glance from her is all I ask
It seems just to make her smile
Is the hardest task
Her eyes are the most intoxicating
She sets me free
But every moment with her
seems to slowly kill me
I die each day she is not in my arms
Yet I cannot shake the fact
We will never be
I hate this feeling, oh so much
I wish I could just disappear
But I could never abandon the ones I love
For I need them near
With every breath
I can’t stay still
Diving into this load of turmoil
Drives even the most disciplined to kill
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
it is good
but i didnt really make me go wow i think you need to add more mystery to this song
Hi there NiteStrike
. But there is something that gets me confused as it progresses,
This poem definitely shows some potential. I can feel what you feel
So, what you mean is that you 'die' each day she is not with you but equally when she is with you? Hmm, well...if I put it that way than that's pretty deep, I like that.
That was my favourite stanza. Maybe it is because I am afraid of the words
Keep writing hey.
Soo. . . I like this. The beginning I didn't understand that this was talking about a girl then bang, A girl appears. Interesting. . . the rhyming works, but I noticed that it doesn't have a chorus. That's not bad because not all songs have a chorus. Good Job, Wesey!