It's not an incredible sight at all, several people would say. In fact, it's what most everyone would say. Just something that came with winter. Three balls of hard, icy white, laden with an unused scarf, half rotted acorns, twigs and a baby carrot (actual carrots were rare nowadays), smiling emptily.
If the sun, shining harshly through the sheet of clouds nearly as blinding as the snowy ground, hits the stack of spheres, you'll at first have to stop and admire how beautifully the light looks, bouncing off millions of crystalline shards of ice. Then those crystalline shards will start to dissolve from the bit of heat, and a slender trickle of slightly dirtied water will slip over the ridges and dent the rippling snow beneath.
Then the clouds close up again, and you're left with just the effigy made of snow. It's a little depressing, honestly; its 'buttons' are crooked and shivering with the wind, and its pitiful stick arms, with their nubby buds and dead leaves trembling, look like they're ready to just shatter.
It's its face that's the worst, though. A decaying baby carrot, laced over with frost and dust from the road, sticks out lopsidedly. A grimy scarf badly hides where the snow has gone liquidy and slightly goopy. A series of tough acorns curve limply upwards in a weak smile; it's painstakingly fake even regarding the fact that it's made of nuts. Like the face it was on was hiding some deep pain and sorrow.
And the eyes... the eyes make you shudder. Two damp, rust colored and dirty acorns, squished unevenly into the top of the highest sphere. Staring straight ahead, with no purpose or joy or symbolism. It doesn't matter that they're inanimate objects- they just look out onto the street, dead and blank, like the eyes of a person whose soul has long been dried up.
Unnerved, you quickly keep walking. Got to get away from the dead, blank and empty snowman.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This was great, you made the cheerful snowman I look forward to creating every year as soon as we get enough snow seem dark and eery. Let's just say that he will be facing away from my window this year lol since I won't be able to forget this little story of yours.
*daydreamer
Elinor Brynn always says the good stuff that you want to say... If not her then someone else. Well, I she made some good points. I found no errors in grammar or spelling. Not that I'm very good at grammar... Well, I hope you write more. And I wish I could have been helpful.. Review days always make me feel unhelpful...
~Ladypurple.
Love this story! So right. I didn't see anything. Perhaps, in the beginning, the word 'spheres' gets a little repetive. Maybe you would like to substitute 'globes of ethereal magnificence'? Keep writing!
Yeah, this was for a contest about describing something, so there's not much of a story. Could open for one, though.... *scribbles*
Hey Ninja.
So, I liked this story a lot. You've got some really wonderful description and imagery, and really puts a neat little spin on an aspect of the holidays that we don't think about in a really dark matter. Despite this, it does have a very holiday-like feel to it. If you do listen to Frosty to the Snowman when you read it (which I did) it's a really interesting experience. All of the conflicting imagery and patterns add some really nice duality.
The reason I bring this up is because there's little else besides this one view of the snowman in the story. This wouldn't really a problem if you had more characterization, but you don't. I can see someone thinking this about a snowman, and I agree with some points that are made. But why are we only getting this one view of the snowman? Does the narrator know who made it? Because despite snowmen being somewhat odd when you think about it, it's just fun and it adds a lot of holiday cheer.
Maybe you can add some of that in the story, either have another character for the narrator to bounce their ideas off, or you could simply add more characterization this one narrator. For instance, did they like making snowmen when they younger but now realize how stupid they seem? If you add that duality, this piece can be more about snowmen then just one view on them.
Just some thoughts; sorry if I couldn't be of more help to you. This really is a brilliant piece that puts you in the holiday spirit. Thanks for the read.
-Elinor x
I think it's a very cool story and has a lot of detail to it. But I'm having a hard time seeing it as a short story. I think this would be perfect as a poem. The lauguage you use, the length of it, and the subject all remind me of something I would see in a poem. It's just a suggestion, but I think it would be great.
Everything was good as far as your grammer though. And I could see the picture of the snowman in my mind.
Keep writing!