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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey! Forever here with a short review!
This was a really beautiful poem that you wrote. First of all, I am going to talk about the specifics.
I am confised a about two things. First of all, what this line means. I don't know but personally I think Isn't it what that blinds.... sounds better. It's completely upto you though. Secondly, shouldn't it be forget instead of forgot?
In the second stanza, second line, I guess it will be are instead of be. I am not too sure about the word 'personificated' and its existence. I heard it for the very first time in this poem. We do generally tend to use personified. Now if you are sure that personificated exists, please feel free to use that. Other than that, quill already mentioned the other grammatical mistakes. So I will not go there.
One thing I noticed is the flow in the last stanza, the last four lines. If we see the length of the other lines in the poem, the poem is interspaced with long and short lines. However this 4 lines are very short and kind of distorts the flow. If you could lengthen at least one line, especially one of the last two lines, I think it would be better.
Next, this poem really has a good imagination. I loved how you connected the concept of love to that of literature and music. Undoubtedly, love does have a connection with both of them which we often tend to forget. Also, this poem has a really nice visual aspect. The background suits it quite well. If possible you can actually try to increase the font size a bit, I would advise you to do that. It will be helpful for the reader, I think. Overall, a very good job!
Keep Writing!!
~Forever
Hey Nini! Quill here for a quick review!
beautiful words, but the grammatically correct way would be "the eyes that held the entire universe within it''So let's get started:
first thoughts
I love this poem! It makes one think very deeply about the actual effects of love that many forget when they wish for it. Like when you say that love "blinds you" it's very true. this is what leads people to get hurt or hurt others with their love. I have to note that a love the aesthetic of the piece that comes with the image! Your wording and use of imagery helps immerse the reader in the feelings and emotions of something I see as a broken or lost love. I love the metaphorical language like how the narrator talks about how their love is like a "metaphor in a poets masterpiece" very poetic words.
places I felt the poem could grow
I felt the way some things were worded distracted from the flow and beauty of this piece. To fix this I would recommend reading this to yourself out loud. See where maybe things did work, made you pause, made you lose the emotions you felt in reading. A few examples I noticed were:
Similarly, when it says it should be "you spoke like a book''
There are also other places where I would recommend you changed the wording. But these are mostly small details!
In conclusion
I loved the wording , language, and emotion in this poem. It really is beautiful and thought provoking to read!
Keep on writing!
~Quill
Thanks for your appreciation. I'll keep your opinion and figure out such mistake for the next one >>
Hey there! Plume here, with a review!
I enjoyed this poem! I think the point about how dually tragic and beautiful love is. I loved how you used a lot of writing imagery within the poem. I think my favorite part was the middle of the second stanza where you mention a poet's masterpiece and how "their subconscious resonated." I think those were exquisite vocabulary choices.
I liked how you structured it almost like a conversation. I think it was cool how the title then led into the main body of the poem. The narrator of this poem too seemed at both times very knowledgeable about love but also somewhat unsure about love themself. One thing I also enjoyed was the way you formatted it; I think the background image was very moving and both distinct and vague at the same time; to me, it enhanced the meaning of the poem. The one thing I wondered about in terms of formatting was your choice to italicize the entire poem but "or" in the second stanza; I wasn't sure if that was intentional, but if it was, I wasn't sure exactly what you wanted to convey with it.
The one thing I did notice is that there were a few grammar mistakes throughout that sort of impeded the meaning for me. Just some revisions or perhaps the use of a grammar checker like Grammarly would help clear those up. I know grammar is a little looser in poetry, and I'm not sure if those mistakes were intentional or not, but again, I feel like they impeded the expression of your message in the poem. The ending especially; it was hard to tell who was speaking.
Overall: nice work! I think you've got some good bones here, but I think it could use a little refining in terms of message clarity. I hope to read more of your poetry soon! Until next time!
Glad that you reviewed. I'll consider the advice for the next one >>