Young Writers Society

Also, put a title on at the top of your script. I know that you put it in the topic subject but if you sent a manuscript of your script in to a big movie producer and it didn't have a titile on the first page then it would get put in the "for another day" pile if you know what I mean.

Alrighty, so I am interested..but I am also confused. What is going on here? Your dialogue and your information are all mixed up together. Ah! It's okay, it's okay. This can be fixed easily.

I am not sure if you have a format going, it seems like you have some sort of format-which is good. Scripts look wayyyy more proffesional when they have a format.

Somethings that might help, spacing. Put a line of space between everything, well almost everything. Here is how I would space your piece:

FADE IN:

INT. A LUXURIOUS ROOM - DAY
We see a big luxurious door. The door opens .CAMERON PHILLIPS walking in. We can’t see his face. He went to the wash basin. He let water in. The lights went off. Steps coming closer. Somebody is coming. Somebody hits him. He falls to the ground.

CAMERON
What the f....

Another punch hits his target .We see the blood splashes. But we can’t see Camerons face. As well as we can’t see THE THUG who’s punching him. It seems that the whole room is in a kind of a blue glimmer.

THUG
You know what this is for.

Another punch hits Camerons face.

CAMERON
What? Please there must be a other way out.

THUG
There’s no other way for you. Hope god won’t have mercy on you.

Three rapid punches are hitting Cameron in a row. The blood splashes. The thug stands up. We can see his back. He is tall and muscular. He starts to pray in spanish . Seems to be a brief prayer. He lights a cigarette and leaves the room into the darkness.

Now the reader can tell what is dialogue and what is not! Also I would bold the character names as apposed to putting them in caps (though you could do both if you wanted-but definatly bold) and also bold the INT, Luxurious Room- Daytime.

Something else you might want to think about is if "The Thug" is going to be a regular in the story and if he is going to have a name. If so give him the name now. You need to stay consistent with character names and such. You don't have to explain to us that he is a thug right now by naming him that. In reality if this was made into a movie no one would have a script in front of them that told them he was "The Thug" they would just see that he was beating the life out of this guy.

You just have to think about things in the bigger picture. There is a lot of stuff that people tend to put in scripts that really doesn't to be. If you want to describe all the details then write a book.

This has potential and is interesting. So keep going and really focus on the dialogue. The dialogue is the heart of the movie.