First things first! Welcome, newcomer. Welcome to the wonderful and crazy world of poetry, where anything goes, where we can create whole worlds in stanzas, and destroy norms in a few lines.
A quick summary of the poem to make sure that I am understanding this right:
a female is born, and her brother starts off as a friend, but pushes her away. Gripped by the pressures that both society and her parents push onto her, she tries to find her identity in friends, two other people that, though different, both push her away.
Plagued by loneliness in a (in her perspective) ruined world, she desperately tries to conform to the world's standards of perfection. Scarred and hardened, she navigates life with her guard up, and people held at arms length.
Certainly a poem that strikes at the heart, and touches on the untold tales of the soul. I quite enjoyed it.
I think that my favorite line is "But time erodes even the strongest ties,". It lends a melancholy to the friendship that makes it seem like the friendship was real, even though it feels like a farse when it draws to a close. And the internal alliteration was beautiful. I may have to -ahem- borrow this line for use in some of my works.
My suggestion? I would aim for consistency, or at least separate stanzas. In poetry, we can do whatever we want. But one thing that I found is that when telling stories, having stanzas help distill the ideas that you want conveyed is quite useful. Don't get me wrong- single stanza poems can be great, especially for musings or something singular and concrete. But I think that this poem lends itself more to a different structure.
Anyways, this was an enjoyable read, and something that plucked the heartstrings.
Points: 233
Reviews: 15
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