A fragile soul enters the world,
Bathed in love from Mom and Dad.
Bright and sharp, she shines with promise,
But expectations weigh her down.
Her brother, once a trusted friend,
Turns cruel, a sudden twist of fate.
Self-doubt grows as she gains weight,
Under the weight of parental demands.
Seeking solace, she finds a pretty girl,
She gives kind words and promises of friendship.
But pretty turns sharp just as brother, and kindness fades,
Leaving her alone, once again.
Undeterred, she seeks a new companion,
A funny soul who brings joy and laughter.
But drama's grip pulls their trusted friendship apart,
Leaving her alone, once again.
Yet hope flickers, a spark in the dark,
A beautiful soul reaches out to her.
Their bond grows, unbreakable and true,
Best friends forging a path together.
But time erodes even the strongest ties,
Leaving fragments of what used to be.
Alone she stands, amidst the ruins,
All alone, once again.
Struggling with weight, she battles demons,
Invisible to those who claim she's fine.
Skipping meals, a desperate attempt,
To fit the mold, to be seen as pretty.
Intelligent, yes, but lacking talent,
A constant reminder of her perceived flaws.
Sadness seeps into her weary bones,
Depression's grip tightens day by day.
In her vulnerability, trust is shattered,
Fear grips her heart, leaving scars unseen.
All alone she navigates this cruel world,
A solitary soul, once again.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,827 Literary Works • 672,772 Reviews
Hey friend! What a lovely poem this is. I decided to stop by and leave you a quick review. Let's jump right in:
This poem follows a very narrative feel. It starts with a girl born into these parents who she loves and gives her lots of care. Her brother was someone who she wants trusted, but he turns evil, and seems to hurt her. Can you describe this friendship, it seems like this one girl promised to be your friend, but she ends up, betraying you and being very hurtful. You describe a lot of very powerful emotions of darkness that this person is experiencing, it seems like a lot has been happening in their life to make them feel very overwhelmed, and alone. And the second half of the home we start to get into a darker mode, where we learn about more of their internal struggles that are result of these difficult events that they have faced in their life. The poem seems to hint out an eating disorder, or some sort of disordered eating, well, this person tries to fit a mold, which I assume means to lose weight and skip meals.
After we learn about their struggles with eating, we start to hear about the sadness that seeps into their bones. That's a very beautiful way of describing it. This is if the sadness has entered their body, and taken part of the most fragile and important pieces of them. Next, it seems that they developed depression, which seems to capture their heart. This person is alone in this cruel world, or at least that sadly see the world right now. The poem ends on a pretty sad note. But I like that. It's honest and it's true to how this person is feeling, there's no magical ending. I would love to see a part two maybe a couple years down the road, maybe things will be better. I really hope they are <33 overall, I think that you have a very mature tone and way that you can speak in poetry. Fantastic work on this! I'm impressed with how all you can find the words that sound well together and keep even lines. It felt very organized and mature. Fantastic work and keep on writing!
Your friend,
Ellie
First things first! Welcome, newcomer. Welcome to the wonderful and crazy world of poetry, where anything goes, where we can create whole worlds in stanzas, and destroy norms in a few lines.
A quick summary of the poem to make sure that I am understanding this right:
a female is born, and her brother starts off as a friend, but pushes her away. Gripped by the pressures that both society and her parents push onto her, she tries to find her identity in friends, two other people that, though different, both push her away.
Plagued by loneliness in a (in her perspective) ruined world, she desperately tries to conform to the world's standards of perfection. Scarred and hardened, she navigates life with her guard up, and people held at arms length.
Certainly a poem that strikes at the heart, and touches on the untold tales of the soul. I quite enjoyed it.
I think that my favorite line is "But time erodes even the strongest ties,". It lends a melancholy to the friendship that makes it seem like the friendship was real, even though it feels like a farse when it draws to a close. And the internal alliteration was beautiful. I may have to -ahem- borrow this line for use in some of my works.
My suggestion? I would aim for consistency, or at least separate stanzas. In poetry, we can do whatever we want. But one thing that I found is that when telling stories, having stanzas help distill the ideas that you want conveyed is quite useful. Don't get me wrong- single stanza poems can be great, especially for musings or something singular and concrete. But I think that this poem lends itself more to a different structure.
Anyways, this was an enjoyable read, and something that plucked the heartstrings.
When I read this poem, I see myself. I see the harsh reality of being a girl and wanting to keep friendships but it's impossible. That one true friend who would be there by one's side forever but at the end of the day we look in the mirror and see ourselves. All our failed attempts at friendships, at life. Drama will always break everything and there is nothing left for us to do. My father always told me "You come into this world alone and you leave this world alone." I always think of this because I had my family but looking at it now I see what he means. I see the truth.
I love what I have read and I will think about this poem for days to come. Thank you.