The rest of my existence is doomed to be spent in a small, dark, crowded place.
I've grown old and ugly, useless. I am surpassed by those younger and sweet smelling.
Though my time is over, I've had many experiences in which I would like to share with thou.
There was once a time where I was young and pretty, loved by many people. I was the coolest thing around.
Everyone wanted me. I had many friends, people took me all over the world, and I was even photographed!
I was famous. And then I met this girl. She was gorgeous, really. We went together like Yin and Yang. Fire and Ice.
Ice cream and corn dogs. We were perfect for eachother. She took me with her wherever she went, even if it was completely incomprehensible to others.
I would lay bundled up in her bed, with her head resting on me many a cold night. And then, one day, the worst day I've ever come to know, she left me.
It was quite simple, really. She dumped me on the curb and was gone. It wasn't long before there was another upon her shoulder!
It was that sad day that I knew my time as the hip, cool thing was over. Over time, I grew grimey and uncaring as to what others saw. I faded into nothing.
Finally, someone very generous came along and took me home. I was grateful, though I sit here all alone in a dark, crowded room.
Alas, the life of a coat is short. Sweet as it is, it always turns bitter. Am I happy with my life? I'd say so. But I will never forget the short period of time that I was loved.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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I never would have thought so much could be written about a coat. Brilliant!
helloo
I see that the others already took care of the criticism so I'm just going to tell you that I really like this!
It is an original idea and I like it that you wrote it from the coat's viewpoint.
Well that's pretty much all I've got to say actually
nice work!
-qaralynn-
I liked this poem. It was cute and I like how you got the poor coat talking about it's life. There's just a few grammatical errors I caught for you
I don't know if you meant you but thou isn't a word...
Heehee. Just need a space between each and other!
It doesn't exactly make sense. It should be something more like this: "Then one day, she left me; the worst day I've ever known". The way you've put it is confusing and just gramatically incorrect.
Other than that, I really liked your poem so keep up the entertaining writing
This was a really sweet story you wrote.
I feel like it shared a deeper meaning behind the whole coat thing. I like the part where you write, "I was even photographed!" It's so funny and cute
Poor old coat. Great work here! Keep writing more short stories.