Published April 26, 2013
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140,763 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
Hi Nikki and welcome to YWS!
First, I don't know if you meant this to be a paragraph, because sometimes YWS does that :/, but if you did I don't think it was a good choice. There are prose poems, but this really just feels like prose. Line breaks don't make a poem, but they do help condense your thoughts.
Now, aside from that, I think writing about love in general is a terrible idea. It's an abstract idea that is incredibly broad. This touches on several ideas about it that could be developed but here they're just blandly stated.
Take this for example. This is an intriguing idea, but squashing it into a bunch of other things isn't. Instead, you could write from the perspective of someone who killed for their lover. That could be fresh and interesting and worth reading.
Now, I'm not saying don't write about love. I do all the time. But don't cover everything, make it specific. Write about how much you love your cat, or your mother, or that boy in 3rd period, or eating socks, or coatis.
Overall, I think if you focus on one aspect, you could do much more with it. Welcome again to YWS and keep writing!
Hello!
I think you're capturing the gist of love here. Nice! Also, is this meant to be tagged under poetry?
What I would like to see is for you to paint a better picture. Try to show more aspects instead of drowning us with cliches. Show us something that makes us feel like we've been through those phases of love. Like your second last line - brilliant!
Keep writing!
Hello there here is a me with a little review the reason it is so small is because I am doing it for a review team and am trying to do review fast and such.
Hopes it helps.
First off you need to make some more spaces in here it is just one big paragraph do you see.
I love this here.XD
The way you explained it was really really good I like you stile a lot.
You did really good you spelling was good and so was you grammar and punctuation.
But I can't see any thing else wrong once again good work.
Until later "good bye and may god be with you"(Oh wait he already is.)
Keep writing and good luck.
~Jon~
Hopes it helped you out.
I loved this.
Forgive me if I rambled I tend to do it a lot.
Nikki, you say the Love can't be described, but you did a pretty good job doing so. I found minor grammar erros (stabs...), but no biggy. Good job, keep writing. Hurtado