I may be different.
Okay, everyone is different.
I’d rather sit on my bed with my headphones on listening to music all day rather than spending time hanging out with my friends.
I don’t know, maybe it’s a weird thing artists like me have. But I like it, the music calms me and takes me to a world separate from this one.
Don’t get me wrong, I love this world but sometimes I just want to get out and imagine my own place. Because at times, I just want to escape this world. Even just for two seconds, I want to. I want to be in this world, it’s just that there are times that I can’t go through without a little imagination.
That’s why we have imagination. It’s your own place to escape wild things that hit you like an earthquake.
Those situations which I want to escape really aren’t the best places to be at.
I literally hurt. There’s pain all over my body, biting at every cell I’m made of. It’s hard to live through without some cry for help. My blood runs with ache, making sure I suffer.
But I don’t know why I should be suffering. I don’t even think I should be in pain.
No matter what I do, I’m still in pain.
Each time I get into these incidents I feel a hurt which won’t go away as quickly as it came. It just stays in me like a lost puppy finally finding their home.
Even though you caused all my pain, you’re okay. I just wish that you would get hurt, the same way I did.
I never give up. I never lose my strength. I’m the strong one. But inside is a different story. Well, not completely. It’s just I have pain, that’s the only difference inside.
Family problems don’t hurt too much because I know they’ll go away. But this problem just won’t slide. A flesh eating virius.
You don’t know how much I hate it. You don’t know how much I’d want you do take it away from me.
But it won’t work.
No one can see my pain because I’m the strong one. Well sometimes the strong one is weak as well.
I don’t give up; I don’t let this ache take me over. I fight against it with ignorance. But I realized it’s really hard to do that, no wonder I ache much more than I had ever before.
But it’s working. Every day I get better when I don’t see you. And that’s difficult since I see you every day. That’s so much pain.
I’m just happy I’m a strong being with family and friends out there for me. That’s why I’m here today with no tear ever falling for you.
That’s why I’m here today.
I’m not a weak person. Even a weak person would be able to withstand this and live like I do. You shouldn’t give up just because of someone, that’s why I didn’t because that would be stupid.
I try with everything in me to stop hurting. To forget. But I can’t. It’s so stupid. Why I even care. But I can’t stop. Every time I see you, I hurt even more.
But, at least I try.
I’m fighting your curse.
You deserve it, not me. I did nothing, you did.
At times I really feel stupid and forget the pain. Even though it’s there, deep inside, I don’t even realize it sometimes. I’m happy and live my life, forgetting everything.
But, like I said, it’s there. It comes back and hits me harder each time. Even when I’m as happy as a teenage girl can be, when it comes it doesn’t go so easily.
I still have pain.
Just because I’m different you can’t accept me? That’s sick. You want me to have pain because I’m different? Because I’m a nice person?
Now that’s just wrong.
I know this and I still feel the ache.
You can be proud of yourself now and tap yourself on the back. Bravo.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi, Nike.
I want to know the details of this intriguing situation!
I love the beginning of this piece. It describes honestly what the speaker's thoughts about his/her situation are. If this is a personal piece written about you and in your voice, I'd recommend looking up information on introverts and extroverts. Introverts are humans whose bodies are a little different from extroverts. They are more sensitive in basically all areas of their lives -- they take less stimulation (like hanging out with friends) to achieve the same satisfaction. Could help you explore your differences.
Some things that could make this piece stronger, however, would be not speaking to some un-defined "you". You're not speaking to the reader and we're aware of that. But because of that, we have no idea who you are speaking to. I can't tell if the speaker is talking to an old boyfriend or to a mother or to God. I also can't tell if this person actually has a flesh eating bacteria or not, and I think the piece would be a lot more powerful if we could get a concrete description of the situation! Lay it out like you're presenting it to the reader. Be aware of your audience. You've got a really good basis for editing here, because you got out all the "I" stuff, all the emotion and material you want to communicate. Now make it more presentable and understandable.
The other thing that could make this piece stronger would be making sure you cut down on repetition. Right now it's really long and many of the same ideas are repeated. The piece has many words and it talks about the same things over and over in different words. There's a lot of material here but the details are usually just copied and pasted. See how it can be cumbersome? Slim it down and it will be easier for your readers to digest.
I look forward to seeing a clearer edit of this. I'm interested in this material, no doubt, but I'd like it presented in a more palatable fashion.
By the way, this is one of your two Secret Santa Reviews that you never received back in July. They are very very late, but you're lucky to get some Christmas Spirit in August, right? Merry Christmas and I'm off to another piece of yours.
I like the imagination that is in this short piece of writing.
it leaves the reader guessing and wanting to learn more about what has happened.
This is good as it draws the reader in but also if it is not used well it can make the reader want to wonder onto something else. You need to proof read your work as i get it is a little rushed and also your grammar. i think there's needs to be a little more description placed inside this work.
Also you need be able to grip the reader, you did this well on the first couple of lines but i couldn't really understand too well. You need to work on the mystery behind the work don't make it too confusing and try not to make the reader want to turn away from the work. But overall i think you have done a really good job. It pulled me in and kept there long enough to carry on but you just need to work on it a bit more.
Hope this helps!
Hey,
Thanks for requesting a review! There were a lot of grammar mistakes in this, but I kind of get the feeling that you threw this together really fast and didn't proof read it. Why don't you proof read it, and fix some of the grammatical errors, like missing words and fragments. I don't really even understand what this is all about. I feel like i just read a thirteen year old's diary entry, but she doesn't even know what she's talking about. I understand she's in pain, and that it is caused by one person, but what happened? You don't even come close to hinting at what is really causing her or him pain? These are just some things to think about; if you need another review feel free to ask.
Have a great day,
Tiffany