A meadow filled with flowers
Where the sun shines strong for hours
The little girl there, she smiles
Running free for endless miles
A tree stands center stage
The air filled with lavender and sage
The grass adorned with bugs and dew
This is her home, her world so perfect and new
Colors mix with colors
Bleeding colors into colors
The wind, it blows from all directions
Her eyes, they close from lost perceptions
The leaves, they rattle and shake
She feels her childhood completely break
Adolescents coming fast in childhood’s wake
Flashes of bad decisions she soon will make
Growing up too fast
Her childish world not bound to last
Now seeing the world from the eyes of others
Black and white there are no colors
The wind is stale with hollow screams
Her world now filled with broken dreams
The only tree is gnarled and bent
All her energy and faith completely spent
A meadow filled with withered flowers
Where the moon now shines for endless hours
The old woman there, she cannot smile
Nor run and run for half a mile
A fallen tree at center stage
The air smelling of death and rage
The grass now full of fungus and mold
This is her nightmare, her world so distorted and old
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138,346 Literary Works • 672,106 Reviews
You did really well, I liked the story it told. This piece flows really well, but there were one or two spots where the rythem wavered a bit I think. Nothing to major, and really nothing worth changing. We can't all be Robert Frost. (I know from experience!
) There was just one other thing:
You eneded each of these lines with the sound -ake. It changes the feel a bit. Not nesessarily in a bad way though.
I really liked these lines, they added to the child-like stage of the poem.
Really good job!
Razzle
Hey there!
I love this poem! It's so pretty and the poem flows so well! The rhyming is awesome and you used pretty good intermidate words! Although, I don't know if I'm right, but should this part of the poem be like this:
That's all the nit-picks I could find! If it wasn't meant to be that way, then I'm proved wrong!
- gleek456 <3
This is great! I think that it's well done, despite the fact it's really sad. Sorry, this isn't much of a review, but I wanted to tell you I think it's done well.