Hey, Nightk!
Here's a review for you today!
I’m in a battle and i need to win,
i have to win, my inner me doesn't want to lose
but a part of me have given up so easy
its like my life has no meaning she said.
The flow of this works very well and seems to bring more meaning with it. It's a little strange to me that the pronoun "I" isn't capitalized anywhere except once or twice. Also, the fact that only the first sentence is capitalized is strange to me, but that could be just a stylistic choice.
I think that the sentences could be broken up a little more to provide more emphasis, so I'm going to try something down here. -->
(")I’m in a battle and i need to win(.)
i have to win(.)
my inner me doesn't want to lose,
but a part of me (has) given up so (easily.)
its like my life has no meaning(.") she said.
(")I’m healthy(.) i sometimes feel so wealthy(.") she said(.)
(")there is a thing inside of me(.) a battle(.) a war inside my head
between my heart, soul and mind(.)
sometimes i pray to God
with my arms open(,) but it's really hard.
(')it is all gonna be alright(' i've said before,)
but i know i keep telling myself (these) lies when I’m a broken wreck(.)
(suicidal) thoughts is all i get, but I’m afraid of Death(.)
this voice keeps speaking to me,
(though) i always seem to not understand a word it says.
Vetitum is what must be said.
i sometimes feel like i have drapetomania.(")
its kinda weird(,)
but she is gonna forever say "i got this" even with tears in her eyes(.)
I also put quotes around some places because when I got to the third person places, it threw off the flow a little bit without the slight pause before.
Anyways, I thought this was beautifully worded despite it being focused on such a dark and existential topic. I hope your friend is doing ok. Depression is a difficult thing to go through and it's important to know there are people there and to not always look at the bad side of things. On another note, based off of this work I feel like she would have a knack for writing poetry.
Points: 3026
Reviews: 41
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