Nightfall wrote:Again, something from awhile ago that I took another look at. Fortune:
Halt for love,
But stop for fear;
Never will you
Find hope here!
Love to live
But hope to die!
Watch the scene
Before your eyes.
Your future’s fortune
I give to you.
I know not what
You’re now to do.
Look around
And you will find:
Lost love leaving
You behind.
Halt for love
But stop for fear;
In your dreams
Your hope is near!
I'm not really a fan of this all together... it's too forced and a lot of it doesn't add up. You should probably scrap this idea as each stanza doesn't link with the other... I hate how I have to stop after two lines, it's such an unatural pause :/. I who also encourage hope, just don't like the end either. It's too cut up... I feel like it's basically five lines now. Overall: I'm sure you could do better and don't try to mimic the great until you've mastered the training ground. Poetry shouldn't be rushed, nor should ya limit it when the idea could so much be so much better expressed in better structure. The idea is good, the structure... nah...
Good luck
VSN
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Listening to: Op Critical - Wounded
via FoxyTunes
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