Young Writers Society

Brilliant. Ill definitely review later when i have more time.

Ah, well that was a sad poe-------- oh god, its the return of the happy death poems!!

So the start of the poem/spoken word/whatever was fine, it portrayed a person who you or someone else used to love, and again, that's fine, but at the end of the poem sociopath McGee becomes a total poop head and betrays you, pushing you into the cold water of deeeaaathhh... spookyyy. Now here is where said poem becomes tricky, now girl or guy or whatever who is now suuppper depressed, doesn't fight, doesn't do anything, just drowns....

you know what, whatever, the point is I don't like this poems theme. I feel their could be more added to this, like a comeback or a moral or something that would give it more emotion and inspiration. Anyway, fine poem, laters

Hello! I see Ironspark has stolen most of my thunder but I will try to not repeat anything anyone has already said!

First off, "sharp nothing" kind of confuses me, enlighten me please? is sharp describing nothing? or should there be a comma?

I agree with Ironspark on "and you wave goodbye with fingerprints stained with the stupid words", I feel this kind of hurts the flow of the poem.

The imagery in this is beautiful by the way, I honestly don't have much left to say. Beautiful piece.

Always a fan of your poetry <3

-Kamryn

Hi there, Nightcrawler.

Introduction:

To begin with, I just want to say how much I love this poem. Your writing manages to be simultaneously rhythmic, eloquent, and raw. In this review, I'm just going to highlight a few overall suggestions and a few nitpicks.

Formatting and Punctuation:

I love the way that you played around with the formatting and punctuation here. Your grammatical choices really open up the flow of the poem and make the phrases more "natural". So, really, nothing to say here. >.>

Flow and Phrasing:

So, I have a quick question about the phrase here:

silence hurts as much as your eyes, you know.

and you wave goodbye with fingerprints stained with the stupid words

your eyes, callous and gorgeous all at once

IronSpark wrote:As anyone who's gotten my reviews knows, I recommend this to everyone:

For about 10 minutes, go through your piece and find words that can be "elevated". That is, words that can be substituted for other words to make your writing more emotional, resonate more with the reader, etc.

To be honest, I'm not much of a reviewer - I know what I like and dislike, but I struggle with putting it into words. But here goes anyway.

I keep reading this over and over, mainly because I love the imagery. Whenever I read poetry, I'm always reminded of my high school English teacher telling us that, "poets choose every word they use with utmost care in order to maximize the impact of their work," and I feel like you've done that here. I like how simply this is written, with minimal punctuation to clutter it up. It just flows so beautifully. I'm not 100% clear on the meaning (maybe your intention was to leave it slightly open to interpretation), but I think the feelings you're trying to convey come through easily.

Hmm... I found it difficult to understand the meaning of this poem. Though it was good to read it. The only problem is you haven't used capital letters in your poem. So your work looks a little shabby and loses most of its charm. Also the number of lines you put in the stanza were a bit inconsistent. Never mind, Still I would say it's a good poem. Just make sure you do this things next time.

Hello Nightcrawler,
Myjaspercat here for a review...

So I have to say, I love this poem. I think it is really interesting. As well, I understand your struggle in how you can only seem to write poems during exams, I know that last week as we were studying for finals (which are today and tomorrow) I only thought about poetry. So, I feel you my fellow writer. Anyways, on with the review...

1.) "you always said that keeping quiet never hurt anyone but" ---I like this line, I think that it is really good as an opening line, it is very interesting. My only suggestion would to add a comma between 'but' and 'anyone' because this seems were the pause would be if you were to speak it.

2.) "the gleam of sharp nothing in the air between us
cuts at my ears and claws my skull" ---I don't know what it is, but I really love this descriptive line. It just seems so deep and dark (if you were my dad I would say just like my soul- but you're not, and I guess I just did).

3.) I don't know if you know this, so I am just going to say it anyway... if you press the 'shift' and 'enter' keys at the same time when starting a new line, it wont add that big space between lines. Therefore fixing spacing issues.

I really love the deep meaning behind this poem, It feels like it just kind of sucked into me and wrapped around my poetry loving soul. They way you wrote this is just so amazing that there isn't really anything I can touch upon, as you can see above. I hope I helped you get some of the feed back you needed. Have any questions feel free to message me and I will get back to you as soon as I can. Good luck and continue writing. ---Myjaspercat

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"Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind." -- Rudyard Kipling

"When you look at a field of dandelions, you can either see a hundred weeds, or a thousand wishes."-- unknown

Hi Dear nightcrawler!

This is Eros here to revieww your wonderful poem.

You have really a wonderful God gift. Writing poetry needs a great talent.I loved the first Two lines:

"you always said that keeping quiet never hurts anyone but
silence hurts as much as your eyes, you know."

They express a real fact in a very artistic way.It is a true fact which is expressed in a poetic manner and I loved and enjoyed reading your wonderful poem which had a dramatic effect.

I am moved by your poem.

You continue writing
...and we will continue reading and loving your poems