Black Flames - Chapter 1

by NightWolf

Published January 30, 2014

E - Everyone

In Black Flames

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The rope in the soldier's hands was coarse and hastily knotted into a noose. Turning slowly round, he looked down at his latest prisoner. He had tied the phoenix down onto a large boulder, where it thrashed its wings wildy in a vain attempt to escape. No wonder. The boulder was deliberately jagged, cut to ensure that every creature would suffer when in the dungeon. Flames curled off its feathers, casting sparks into damp air of the dungeon. The soldier smiled as he watched them sputter and fade. Softly, the phoenix cawed, writhing as the flames dimmed. Its beady eye gazed up at him, as if the wretched bird was pleading for some respite from the pain. Jaw set, the soldier threw the rope over his shoulder and grabbed a nearby water skien. It was slick to the touch and slipped between his fingers. Cursing, he picked it up. The phoenix twisted its head to the side to watch him.

"Do you know what this is?" the soldier asked.

He opened it and allowed a few drops to slide onto his palm. Crying out, the phoniex lashed the thin air with its talons. With a laugh, the soldier gently carressed the bird's restrained chest. It screeched. The noise rebounded off the walls, filling the air around them. Closing his eyes, the soldier breathed in deeply. The phoenix's wounded screams were like a lullaby to him. He leant close to the boulder and its prisoner.

"That hurt, didn't it? That was agony for you. That's good. Because you are a demon, a beast from Hell itself," he said. At this point, the phoenix gave a small noise of protest. "Shush. I might be nice to you. I could make your death quick. Because that's all that matters in the end. The King doesn't mind so long as your corpse is lying at his feet. So I can do as I will with you, just as long as you are dead at the end. Make up your mind. Cooperate, and it will be a quick death. Struggle, and you will never have experienced so much pain in your life."

He smiled. This was what he enjoyed; the stunned silence. The phoenix had been expecting torture from the moment it had been captured. But he had given it a choice. A nice, quick, relatively painless death or a slow, agonising one. The chosen option was nearly always the same. Only once could the soldier remember a phoenix fight death until the last moment. It had been a female, with flames like the colour of blood. Two soldiers had to restrain her beneath the water while he suffocated her with a rope. He usually just snapped their necks, but she had chosen to suffer. And so she did. This phoenix, however, had allowed itself to fall limp against the rock; the final act of submisson.

"Quick it is, then."

The soldier spun round and picked up the rope. Holding it by the noose, he leant over the phoenix and began to place it over its neck. Without warning, the phoenix lashed upwards with its talons. One hooked itself into the soldier's cheek, drawing blood instantly. He shouted out and scrambled to get himself free. He pulled away, feeling the talon drag down before he managed to stumble to the other side of the dungeon. Raising a hand to his cheek in an effort to stop the blood flow, he glared venomously across at the phoenix.

"Y-you...will suffer for this. "

The soldier backed out of the dungeon, cursing beneath his breath.

***

"Asrin!" Claris cried.

She swooped down towards the forest canopy, searching in vain for her daughter. Her flames, a soft orange, were reflected in the waxy green of the nearby leaves. She sighed as she caught sight of the mixed colour. Such beauty, she thought, and yet so much pain has been dealt here. Claris dimmed her fire for a few moments, then allowed herself to drop height once again. She broke through the canopy, feeling the banches and twigs whip her as she moved. Here, she blended in with the forest's dappled light. It stopped her fire from standing out. Claris beat her wings and flew to a nearby branch. She tested its weight. It creaked beneath her, but it held. Folding her wings, she peered keenly around her surroundings. She wasn't far from her nest, and if Asrin had any sense, she would have returned here.

"Asrin!" she called again.

The forest around her was silent. Claris listened for the sounds of wingbeats, but none came. Fear crept into her mind like a sliver of ice. Asrin was her only daughter, if she were to lose her...

"Father? Mother?" screeched a voice.

The noise was muffled by the surrounding trees, but Claris was sure that it had been her daughter. She launched herself off the branch in a flurry of feathers. Despite not being an excellent flyer, she manouevred through the trees, emerging out on the main forest track. Claris paused, hovering in the air. It was not wise to linger in the open. Slowly, she retreated to the out-fringes of the trees, and perched on a fork in an oak's crown.

"Asrin? Daughter! Where are you?"

After a few moments, the lopsided rhythm of Asrin's wingbeat filled her ears. It was further away than what Claris had expected, but at least she knew her daughter had hid well. She fluttered the feathers at the tips of her wings, casting sparks into the track in front. Her talons dug tighter into the branch.

"Mother! I'm here! I'm here," shouted Asrin, as she broke through the canopy.

Claris flapped her wings, watching her daughter closely as she circled and landed next to her. Immediately, she began to nuzzle Asrin's neck, clicking her beak softly. Asrin squirmed, trying to stop her mother's affections.

"I'm fine," she assured her.

"I know, I know," murmured Claris, pulling away,"But, I just wished I had followed you. What if one of the soldiers were to see you?"

Asrin looked down. She brightened her fire slightly, to a more vibrant red. Beside her, Claris clucked, shaking her head. Confused, Asrin opened her wings a little. She squinted against the light, and shielded her eyes with her wing, before turning to look at her mother. Claris had puffed up her chest, as she always did before scolding her daughter.

"What have I done?" Asrin asked.

Claris lifted her wing and placed it over her daughter, enclosing her into a hug,

"Dim your flames, my dear. We cannot afford to be seen."

Asrin obeyed.

"Why? What's wrong with our fire?"

Sighing, Claris huddled closer to Asrin.

"Not all think it is a thing of beauty. They...hunt us. That's why you had to hide when those humans came here. They don't want us living in their forests."

Asrin squawked. Anger flashed across her chest as her flames mirrored her emotion.

"We were here first! I was born in this forest! They have no right!"

Claris began to move her wing up and down in an effort to cool Asrin's temper. Everything she had said was true, but there was nothing Claris, or any phoenix, could do to change it. The humas were simply too powerful and too many in number. Asrin would have to accept that, or she would be the next to fall prey to them.

"I know, darling. Our forest is our home. But it is where they gather their food and collect their wood. We are obstacles to them. They have limited minds, they do not think of anything but themselves. They don't consider that we are living creatures too," she whispered soothingly.

Asrin slumped. Never before had Claris seen her daughter so miserable. She wondered if Asrin was simply attached to their nest. Chicks often were. And she knew her next news would break her daughter's heart. Warming her flames, she moved so she was directly facing Asrin.

"When your father comes, Asrin, we're leaving."

She had spoken as bluntly as possible, in an effort to soften the blow. Asrin sat for a moment, letting the information sink in. All of a sudden, she leapt off the tree. She beat her wings furiously, lifting herself higher and higher. Claris chased after her. The blue sky filled her vision. Only one thing mattered, keeping Asrin in sight. She flew as high as she could without feeling light-headed. A flash of red darted past below. Claris thanked the heavens that her daughter looked more like her father. Whereas she was more of a gentle orange, Asrin and Ranir, her father, were blazing red. Folding her wings, Claris dived after her.

"I don't want to leave," Asrin cried, "This is my home!"

"We're in danger here!" Claris shouted back, "Your father and I, we agreed! We have to find somewhere far from the humans before we're all captured."

A dawning thought pressed on Claris' mind. After the humans had passed through the forest, she had only cared about where Asrin had hid. But Ranir was nowhere to be seen. He's a fast flyer, she told herself, he would've escaped. And then again, where is he? Above, the sky was rapidaly darkening.

"I'm going to the nest," Asrin called.

Claris followed her daughter as they descended. Landing first, Asrin nestled down, feeling the softness of the feathers that lined the nest.

"I'm sorry," she murmered.

Asrin glanced across.

"I won't leave," she said, "And besides, where's Father? You won't go without him, will you?"

Claris peered around at the trees. Her daughter was right. She had to wait for Ranir.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Iggy
Review
Iggy wrote a review Review · Feb 3, 2014

I love this so far.

You have some spelling errors in the second half, from the phoenix's point of view, but I'm sure they were already pointed out, so I'm just going to focus on my general opinion of this, which is: I love it already.

The beginning was amazing. You weren't very clear on the mysterious liquid that the soldier uses to harm the phoenix, but I'm sure you did that with cause. Other than that, you did a great job with the beginning. The emotion you put in this was especially prop-worthy, as it gives us a basic idea of how much the phoenixes and humans hate each other.

I like the conflict with the daughter refusing to leave. It's also annoying though, because I want to tell this brat to shut up and leave already. x)

The ending tells me that the father is the phoenix from the beginning, the one about to be killed. I'm not sure if I want him to die or not. If he dies, it might spark an anger in the mother and daughter, which will push them to attack and kill the human and thus begin a war? Or maybe they'll kill the human anyways, while the father escapes alive, and then a war still happens? Or maybe they never find him? There's so much you can do with this and the cliffhanger is killing me!

Overall, I'm liking this so far. Let me know when chapter two is up.

Thank you so much, Iggy. I'm currently in the middle of the 2nd chapter, so I'll let you know when I post it. I hope you get your star!

User avatar
Ruby68
Review
Ruby68 wrote a review Review · Jan 30, 2014

Good job! It's really hard to portray animals with human emotions and having human conversations while still keeping their animal qualities. The body language of the birds is really well done as well.

There were a couple of things I noticed, mostly with spelling and grammar type things. Judging by a lot of the spelling though you aren't in the US so everything could be spelled right where you live. I noticed a couple things in the prologue that were a little unclear.

Like this sentence:

"The soldier spun round and picked up the rope. Holding it by the noose, he leant over the phoenix and began to place it over its neck."

Here you have an unclear pronoun reference. It's not too obvious but still a bit confusing. You've used "it" a lot in this sentence and the antecedent for each gets a little fuzzy. Just specify which "it" you're talking about. Although it becomes obvious after looking back at the sentence ropes have necks too and who knows, noose could be referring to a part of the phoenix.

So make sure your references are clear and I'm not sure about your spelling, I could be completely off on that one. You have a really great idea and I enjoyed reading your work. :)

Thank you so much. I'll go over that sentence tomorrow. And yeah, not from the US, but I'll check it again.

User avatar
Joe
Review
Joe wrote a review Review · Jan 30, 2014

Hello it's Joe to the reviewing rescue

Holly moly macaroni and cheese this is Brilliant!
This writing is magnificent especially for someone as young as yourself (I'm only a year older then you but a lot of the people here seem to be in they're lat teens). I've seen people nearly double your age who can't write this well. I was completely blown away by this, usually I read mostly YA fiction and this seems more middle grade but I think it can work both ways.
Now for the reviewing. The prologue at the beginning was amazing, you really hook the reader but then there's a couple pages of dialogue without much action. This would be fine if there was more of a cliff hanger at the end. I just think there should be more explanation about the situation, maybe a human kicks down the door and tries to kidnap them. Mind you I can still taste that somethings wrong. Her father is missing and they're delaying to leave until he comes back, something's amiss but it would be better if I knew there was an intense imminent danger at the end. Also one last thing is that I think you should include either the Phoenix or the soldier torturing her later in the story. Just because that might be great at the start but confusing at the end.

Now that that's done time for a bit more praise. !!!!!!!!THIS IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!
Seriously. I'm likening and following you simply because of this awesmazing piece of writing.
Please let me know when the next chapter comes out.

Joe Smoe

Thank you so much. I decided to give a little background, but the next chapter has much more action.



Be careful or be roadkill.
— Calvin