Published January 6, 2013
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I love the topic of this poem. Night is an extremely beautiful thing, and not many people can see that. I'm glad you can capture it with your words. My favorite line is "The kiss of the cold wind." I like the way that sounds. It makes me picture being up close with wind and feeling it across my skin. I really love all of the desriptions you used here. One thing I would like to see come out of this poem is a little more of an ending. Tell us about how its getting darker.
It's a nice little testament to the elements of which are commonly regarded as the traits of night.
It's relate-able through smooth imagery.
The structure of the text seems to be that of a moon, as well. I wonder if this was intentional?
Also:
"The night will be always beautiful
when it getting darker."
Is this a typo? "It" should be "It's", right?
Keep writing!
Yay, hi again. Have you already edited this since you first posted it? I think you did! I had it up in my tabs and was going to review, but it seems to have changed since then. Well, I'll work with what's here now.
Think very carefully about the way you're phrasing your sentences.
implies that the beauty is a little bit of an object that comes OUT of the sky. Or at least that's one way it could be read. It's actually not a big deal, since most readers will gloss over it and assume you meant "the beauty of the night is" or equate it in their heads, but you can direct with any words you include, so why would you want some to be glossed over.
Now, in the next line, I'd like to see the sky first clear of stars. You bring in the light with the moon, so could you bring the stars with the moon and let us see clear dark blue for a line? Because otherwise "starry sky" seems too obvious. Night is a thing that's really common for ... well, almost everyone, so we know the basic components of it: stars, moon, dark.
What I want to say, using this is as an example, is that I'd love to see you bring in what YOU specifically love about the night. It's obvious you're a big fan: almost every one of your poems has night in the title. But lots of people like the stars and the moon. What is your personal relationship with the night? Maybe it's not appropriate for an edit of this poem, but for your next topic?
Ah, and just a note on grammar: you have to pay special attention to your verb tenses. You start the first stanza with "comes" but end with "elapsed", changing from present to past. The last part also sounds weird. The night will ALWAYS be beautiful, but suddenly, it is getting darker? One is eternal, and one is bringing in a specific shift in time; they don't match. Plus you forgot a word. Continuous tense uses "it is getting".
These are just some things to think about. Good luck, and as always, PM or wall post me if you have any questions or post any more, okay?
Hey there, I liked this poem very much. It shows the true beauty of the night, and the life that comes from it. The formatting may be a little messed up at the last part I think.
In the second line the hyphen isn't need, let it just be "dark blue starry sky".
Light spark in the third line doesn't seem to go well with the theme on the full moon. Glow would be a more apt word for it.
The next few lines don't flow too smoothly, and they don't relate too well to each other. The sentences are kept at a consistent length, and I really like the words chosen for the last verse. There was a typo though, I think you meant to say "when it is getting darker".
The last line could be rephrased to this.
"The night will become beautiful, when it gets darker"
Overall I liked this poem, it shows the coldness of the night, but also the beauty of it. It's a way to see from two different perspectives, and it's somehow calming. However words could be changed in parts like the light spark and also twilight. Twilight isn't totally night so the effect of the word doesn't match to the dark blue starry sky.
Hope my review helped!
I love it. You created such perfect imagery in such a small amount of words.
"the scream of the owls,
the kiss of the cold wind."
This was my favorite part, I could almost hear and feel it!
Anyways this whole poem gave me goosebumps! Love it!
~mari~
thank you buddy:)