The Night walker

Hey Night!

Shady here with a review for you this fine evening. c:

I quite enjoyed speaking with you earlier, so I decided to stalk your portfolio and see if there was anything I could give you a review on-- and, lo and behold, I found this! So, review time...

Okay! So I liked this poem. It started out nice enough, but didn't really catch my attention, until...

Walking at night
without a bright light
will challenge the creatures
that will rip your souls.

And that made me go "8D Ooh" at your imagery. Very good. I like the way you put that, and I light the slight rhyme-- it sort of gives it a little charm, before throwing in creatures that want to rip your souls. xD Nice.

Anyway~

Good poem. Couldn't find anything to critique. Like your ending. 8/10

Keep writing!

~Shady

I love the whole idea of it and bless the poem
However, I would've liked it better if this was longer with punctuations. Punctuation marks are vital.

Walking at night
is a mission to explore the darkness
in the heart of the night phantom
that keep a million secrets inside.

The first para get's the reader reading, good job!

The secret may be worthwhile to be known
some may be just a trap for you.

I think the last line can sound better..
Supposedly - "Or just a trap for you to invade" ?

Walking at night
without a bright light
will challenge the creatures
that will rip your souls.

LOVE it

The sacrifice of you may be worthwhile to be known
or simply a funny stories to others...

Grammatical error. "Or simply a funny story to others"


I hope my review helps This is good piece and well, the rhythm is missing too. I have that problem too :/ Though, let's work harder and provide better pieces ;D

I like this poem. I like how it was like (this is how I saw it) a self introduction to YWS but at the same time a story. You are a night walker nuh?
I like the length structure and word usage. This leads me to say that I strongly disagree that

The sacrifice of you

doesn't sound right. It is quite poetic and different. Imagine saying,

Your disappearance may be worthwhile to be known

.
It doesn't as adequately convey the message, mood and context (esp. poetically).

So. keep write and enjoy it!

Beautiful piece. Very detailed descriptions. You could work more on the rhythm and flow of the poem. I like the unique structure.

The sacrifice of you may be worthwhile to be known
or simply a funny stories to others...

My favourite line. Really creepy. However, the phrase "the sacrifice of you" doesn't really sound right...."your disappearance" or "your sacrifice"?

All in all, great job! Keep writing!