Lucky Girl

Hello there It's Kristina here and I am going to give you my feedback about your poem "Lucky Girl."

First of all, you have put such nice words in your poem, which I really like. Your poem sounds realistic too, the way you have mentioned experiences.

But, on the other hand, I would like you to work on the grammar and sentence structure very hard! I am not telling you this to insult you, but so you would improve in your grammar. Because your poem is nice, so it is useful and important to have good grammar.

I am going to correct every verse for you, so you would know where you have done wrong.

"I am the lucky one,

who born as a first child

the oldest one

marked as a symbol of love-They said."

In this stanza, there is surely the ryhthym. Well done! A poem with rhyming verses or words makes it more interesting and enjoyable to read, for readers. But, the last verse "marked as a symbol of love-they said.", I felt that it does not match with the rhythym of the other verses, because "they said" seems to go off-rhythym. So if I were you, I would leave it as "marked as a symbol of love", only. Or else, I would add something else which rhymes with "one," "child" and "one."

The next one;

"Of course dad loves me,

and mom did too."

If you stated that "dad loves me", then the last line should be "mom does too". Or else, if you wanted to use them in the past tense, then you would have written: "dad loved me" and "mom did too". Always pay attention to the tenses. (example present tense or past tense).

The next one;

"Time passed

while I'm growing up

now I have three siblings

and life getting tough."

In this stanza, you should have written;
"Time has passed
while I've been growing up."

The other two lines are perfect.

The next one;
"Of course dad now busy,

and mom did too."

This is grammatically wrong. Let me correct you. Supposedly, these two lines should be like this:

"Of course dad now is busy
And mom is too" - or else "even mum is busy."

The next one;

"Time passed

while I'm growing up

but I will never forget

the day I ruined my uncles's painting"

Again, you have repeated the same mistake of before. Gramatically, it should be:
"Time has passed
while I've grown up."

The rest, you have the same gramatically mistakes.

As I said again, I have done this to explain to you how grammar structure should be, because your poem is lovely!

Anyway, keep writing!!

Hey nightwalker!!
I'm hanorah and I'll be reviewing your poem today!
Loved this poem! I'm not the oldest in my family, but I'm the middle child and I can still relate to this poem as my older sister doesent live with me, so I have to learn the hard way too!

I like the way you split the poem up using the continuous use of 'time passed' instead of using stanzas.

I have no criticism, nice work! I'd give you a 10/10!
~keep writing

I really like the way you describe yourself. I love how you can read and feel how the person is feeling. You can put yourself in her shoes and that is really amazing I love how you keep writing "Time passed," it splits the poem up and you know that now you are in another fase of her life. It's like the girl keeps telling herself that she is lucky even though she is learning in the hard way. This is really good.

I really like the way you describe yourself. I love how you can read and feel how the person is feeling. You can put yourself in her shoes and that is really amazing