Young Writers Society

It's great..short and effective in what its trying to convey to the readers..
Of course, rest have covers the necessary basics.
The last stanza could have been a superb piece, but tomorrow, continue and forever doesn't fit with each other as they are not supposed to..you describe a specific time which in yours is eternal, I suppose, which is ruined by these three words together but as I told you it's great.
Regards,
Blakey!

I loved this.

Okay: "with the masks on their hands
and later cover their faces." Maybe it should be in their hands?

My favorite line was: "The dance at night,
in the moonlight" This line gave me goosebumps! I could almost picture it!

Like I said I loved this and you have good imagery!

I think this is quite beautiful, actually. Kudos to you! My only criticism would be the last line. The forever seemed a bit anti-climactic. Forever is a word used far too often in my opinion, by people who don't mean it. I think another word would give it a greater sense of certainty.

This poem is great but I think it could improve a bit.

Hey, NightWalker. This poem approaches something haunting, so close that I really want to see it edited and workshopped to perfection, so that's a really good thing. But there are a lot of things that need to be fixed because they're keeping the poem from really shining, and that's a not so good thing.

Let's talk about how the first stanza opens so strongly! It's not "they will surely come again", but "they surely come", and just leaving a single word out gives, rather than a sense of a moment in time being repeated at a certain time each night, the sense that they come and go like the tide. The tide surely comes in and out. It just does. That's a strong way to start. It gives a depth to this event without hardly trying, and that's exactly what you need to keep up in the remainder of the poem. The first stumbling block comes when you try to apply a specific time by using the word "later". Later they'll cover their masks brings back the sense of a progression of real time, not just an existing, stretching, ever-present, ever-absent sense of these dancers, which is what I glimpsed in the first lines and really want more of.

Also, please proof-read before you submit yer poems, okay? I think you meant to say "They" at the beginning of the second stanza. Again, this stanza opens timeless: "They dance at night" can be ANY night, every night. It might be made even more timeless if you say "in night", because that even gives us the option that their night is endless and we don't have to wait for day to end to see them. Then the rest of that stanza needs to be cleared up. They dance along with a cry? A cry is a shout, isn't it, but then you mention tears, which goes back to the crying meaning of cry. You should pick one so we don't stumble there. Do you mean they wail with eternally opened mouths? Or are they really expressionless?

Then noooo ~ The third stanza ruins all of my imagining of eternalness, because you mention "tomorrow" and "continue" and "forever" instead of just letting them dance. Just bring us more of the images of them, NightWalker. If you phrase the sentences correctly, as I've pointed out above, you won't even need to say "they dance forever", but you'll just evoke the eternal sense in the reader and you can spend more time letting us see what they look like and where they dance.

I really hope you work more on this poem, 'cause I"d like to see it sparkle~
Lemme know by PM or wall post if you have any questions.
Push on! Good luck!