Prologue
The Sun is preparing to hide; people are waiting for that beautiful sight. I use tocome to this beach once in a week. It gives me a large amount of relaxation. Ican see so many smiling faces around me. I can hear many voices along with theroaring of waves. Everybody is busy with their loved ones. Cool breeze touchedall over my body. I love to watch the waves; I can see many faces that passedthrough my life.
Today when I came here I felt like my mind converted into a sea filling withmemories. I couldn’t find the reason for that. May be it is because of thisday. Yes, December 17 an unforgettable day in my life. I couldn’t forget thisday. How can I?
Suddenly some thoughts started to haunt me. Actually,they were haunting me for past five years. I have tried many times to escapefrom them, but I couldn’t. My brain is telling me to avoid them, but my heartsays don’t; because they are the one who always reminds me that I am still insearch for my love.
My mind started travelling towards my past like a lostfish. I heard a voice from inside “SAIRAM, YOU ARE A FOOL YOU ARE A LOSER”. Icovered my ears, closed my eyes. I can see those days, those beautiful days.All the voices around me started disappearing; I cannot hear anything exceptthe voice from inside. It became louder and louder.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well, there's few spaces missing from this one that I assume is probably just some sort of glitch cause its way to common for it to all just be careless errors there, you may want to look at that, but putting that aside, this is quite a killer prologue you've got right here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well, on the surface it looks like we have ourselves a nice relaxing description to start off this prologue with memories of good times once had, but then the past tense that's been spread throughout the story here certainly seems to indicate there might be more to this innocent sounding description. At any rate, it certainly catches your attention right off the bat.
Okayy...well this is taking a bit of a turn that I wasn't expecting it to, it looks like this person is remembering a traumatic day of some sorts having come to this beach to try and gather their thoughts or something along those lines anyway. At any rate, its definitely adding to the overall mystery of what could be going on here.
Okay...well, love has been factored in the situation, that always tends to make things pretty interesting, and of course memories haunting for someone for as long as five years is certainly something that you sit up and take notice at. Well, this continues to get more and more interesting by the minute here.
Well, that's a strong ending there, certainly seems to be ending on a bit of a cliffhanger there with that one...well, well, well, this is a pretty strong start to a story you've got right here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, a pretty solid prologue that you've got right here. It certainly sounds like a story that I would read. Aaand, well, I believe that is all I've gotta say for now.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hi, Nidhin!
This was rather short, so it was generally quite hard to really grasp any of the details of what was actually going on. Having said that, by the end I fully understood what the foundations of this story were, and the end part does make me want to read on, how everything went so bad so that it had to resort to that.
For improvements, I'm gonna start with a few specific things~
I think instead of 'started haunting me' that to haunt me would sound better.
Firstly, the brain and mind are kind of the same thing, maybe you could say my mind is telling me to avoid them, but my heart says don't. Also, I think you need to combine these two sentences like:
My mind is telling me to avoid them, but my heart says don’t; because they are the ones who always remind
sme that I am still in search for my love.Now for general things, so like I said this is really short and could be fleshed out loads. Obviously, this is a prologue and you don't want to reveal too much, but there are hardly any descriptions and I currently feel absolutely nothing for the characters. Like ehobby said, there's a beach, describe it! What did the wind feel like every time your MC went there, what were the people like, what did it smell like, and obviously, what did it look like? Also, not only that but how does it make your character feel, or how did it? And why don't they go back to the beach anymore?
In the story it's mentioned that the MC has been feeling like this for five years, well you could totally expand on those thoughts. This whole thing is basically just the interior monologue of the MC, but it's still not enough. Really go into depth on how they're feeling, you don't have to give away too much while doing this, but it makes for a more empathetic character that your readers will want to continue reading about. Right now, I don't really know anything about your characters.
Overall, this has loads of potential, you just need to expand on thing. Descriptions/ imagery is definitely needed so your readers can really picture what is going on, and more thoughts from your MC. I hope this review helped, feel free to PM me with any questions or if you'd like another review on anything.
Keep writing,
~ArcticMonkey x
hi thank you so much for your review, i have updated my work please have a look once again
Aside from some typing errors, this is the start of some good improvements to your piece; good job!
Thank you..will try to improve more...so can i stop working with my prologue? i can start my first chapter rit?
Thank you..will try to improve more...so can i stop working with my prologue? i can start my first chapter rit?
Thank you..will try to improve more...so can i stop working with my prologue? i can start my first chapter rit?
Thank you..will try to improve more...so can i stop working with my prologue? i can start my first chapter rit?
Thank you..will try to improve more...so can i stop working with my prologue? i can start my first chapter rit?
Thank you..will try to improve more...so can i stop working with my prologue? i can start my first chapter rit?
Thank you..will try to improve more...so can i stop working with my prologue? i can start my first chapter rit?
Thank you..will try to improve more...so can i stop working with my prologue? i can start my first chapter rit?
Well it's up to you, if you don't feel like working on this prologue you can always come back to it later
If you're desperate to start writing on, go for it, you don't want to hold back those ideas, you can come back to it all at the end.
Hello!
I'm Emily and I'll be reviewing your prologue today! Congrats on taking the first steps in writing a novel, I really hope you stick with it.
Overall:
As an opening its informtive, if not a little too informative. Focus less on giving the reader every little bt of information, and focus more on the details of the beach. Make the reader feel like they could picture exactly where Sai is standing.
Nit-picky things:
"Actually they were haunting me for past five years." There should be a comma between actually and they.
"please stop pleading me" Please stop pleading with me sounds a little better, and its more along the lines of what someone would actually say.
"SAIRAM, YOU ARE A FOOL, LOOSER" If you mean someone who isn't a winner, its spelled loser.
Some of your sentences don't flow into the next. The best thing for this is to read your piece out loud, editing as you go. It also help you to write believable dialouge.
My biggest edit: More detail! You hint at this beautiful beach, sunset and people, but you never really describe any of it!!!
Kepp up the good work, and keep writing!
Good job and good luck.
hi thank you so much for your review, i have updated my work please have a look once again